What About Men?

1. Boys are raised in a world devoid of emotional guidance.

Women’s stories—from Jane Eyre and Little Women to Broad City and Bridgerton—are all about this.

Lack of emotional literacy. From a young age, boys receive little to no formal education on how to understand and express their emotions. Unlike girls, who are often encouraged to discuss their feelings, boys are taught to suppress them, leading to a deficit in emotional literacy. This absence of guidance leaves them ill-equipped to navigate the complexities of their inner lives.

Limited role models. Boys lack relatable role models in media and literature who demonstrate healthy emotional expression. Instead, they are often presented with stoic, emotionally stunted characters who reinforce the idea that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. This lack of positive representation perpetuates the cycle of emotional suppression.

Consequences of emotional illiteracy. The absence of emotional guidance can have profound consequences for boys, leading to difficulties in forming meaningful relationships, managing stress, and seeking help when needed. It also contributes to a culture of toxic masculinity, where emotions are seen as a threat to one's manhood.

2. Male communication often prioritizes banter over vulnerability.

Drunk boys can talk about things that sober boys can’t.

Banter as a shield. Male communication often revolves around banter, a form of playful teasing and joking that serves as a shield against vulnerability. While banter can be a bonding experience, it can also prevent men from engaging in deeper, more meaningful conversations about their emotions and experiences.

Fear of emotional exposure. Men often fear that expressing vulnerability will be perceived as weakness or a breach of masculine norms. This fear can lead them to avoid emotional conversations altogether, preferring to stick to safer topics like sports, work, or shared interests.

Breaking the cycle. To foster healthier communication patterns, men need to challenge the norms that discourage vulnerability and create spaces where emotional expression is valued and supported. This requires a conscious effort to move beyond banter and engage in more authentic and meaningful conversations.

3. Unrealistic body ideals affect men, too, but without a support system.

The patriarchy is screwing over men as hard as it’s screwing over women.

The pressure to be ripped. Men face increasing pressure to conform to unrealistic body ideals, fueled by media portrayals of hyper-muscular physiques. This pressure can lead to body image issues, anxiety, and even disorders like bigorexia, where men perceive themselves as too small despite being muscular.

Lack of body positivity. Unlike women, who have the body positivity movement to challenge unrealistic beauty standards, men lack a similar support system. There is little to no culture of celebrating diverse male body types, leaving many men feeling insecure and ashamed of their bodies.

Consequences of body image issues. Body image issues can have a significant impact on men's mental health, leading to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. The lack of open discussion and support makes it difficult for men to address these issues and seek help.

4. Men's clothing choices are often limited by societal expectations.

Fifty percent of young men’s problems occur because of a fear of being called “girly,” “soft” or, primarily, “gay.”

Fear of judgment. Men's clothing choices are often constrained by societal expectations and the fear of being judged as "unmanly" or "gay." This fear can prevent them from expressing their individuality and exploring different styles.

Limited options. Compared to women, men have fewer options when it comes to clothing styles and colors. The pressure to conform to traditional masculine norms can stifle creativity and self-expression.

Breaking the mold. To challenge these limitations, men need to embrace their individuality and experiment with different styles without fear of judgment. This requires a shift in societal attitudes towards masculinity and a greater acceptance of diverse forms of self-expression.

5. Men struggle to discuss their bodies and sexual health openly.

We’re professional cock-wranglers.

Taboo topics. Men often struggle to discuss their bodies and sexual health openly due to societal taboos and the fear of being perceived as weak or inadequate. This silence can prevent them from seeking medical help for potentially serious conditions.

Lack of education. Many men lack basic knowledge about their own bodies and sexual health, leading to confusion and anxiety. This lack of education can also contribute to the spread of misinformation and harmful stereotypes.

Breaking the silence. To promote better health outcomes, men need to feel comfortable discussing their bodies and sexual health openly with their partners, friends, and healthcare providers. This requires a shift in societal attitudes towards masculinity and a greater emphasis on sexual health education.

6. Fear and misinformation shape men's views on sex and consent.

We are always the wrong ones.

Misconceptions about consent. Men are often misinformed about consent, leading to misunderstandings and potentially harmful behavior. The lack of clear communication and education can create a culture of ambiguity and uncertainty around sexual boundaries.

Fear of false accusations. Some men fear being falsely accused of sexual assault, leading to anxiety and distrust in their interactions with women. This fear can be exacerbated by misinformation and sensationalized media coverage.

Promoting healthy attitudes. To foster a culture of respect and consent, it's crucial to provide men with accurate information about sexual boundaries, communication, and the importance of respecting women's autonomy. This requires open and honest conversations about sex, consent, and healthy relationships.

7. Pornography significantly impacts young men's sexual development.

Porn was my sex education.

Unrealistic expectations. Pornography often presents unrealistic and distorted portrayals of sex, leading to unrealistic expectations and body image issues. Young men who rely on porn as their primary source of sexual education may develop skewed perceptions of what sex is like in real life.

Addiction and dysfunction. Excessive pornography consumption can lead to addiction, erectile dysfunction, and difficulties forming meaningful relationships. The constant exposure to extreme and unrealistic content can desensitize men to normal sexual stimuli and create a disconnect between fantasy and reality.

Promoting healthy sexuality. To counter the negative effects of pornography, it's crucial to provide young men with comprehensive sex education that emphasizes consent, communication, and healthy relationships. This education should also challenge harmful stereotypes and promote a more realistic and positive view of sex.

8. Men often lack strong, emotionally supportive friendships.

I definitely had to learn how to have more emotional conversations from girls, and women. Definitely.

Superficial connections. Men's friendships often revolve around shared activities and interests rather than emotional intimacy. This can leave men feeling isolated and unsupported when facing personal challenges.

Fear of vulnerability. Men often fear that expressing vulnerability will damage their friendships or be perceived as weakness. This fear can prevent them from forming deeper, more meaningful connections with other men.

Building stronger bonds. To foster more supportive friendships, men need to challenge the norms that discourage vulnerability and create spaces where emotional expression is valued and supported. This requires a conscious effort to move beyond superficial conversations and engage in more authentic and meaningful interactions.

9. Men need to be invited to care for themselves and their health.

You never hit a woman, you never cross a picket line.

Societal expectations. Men are often socialized to prioritize the needs of others over their own, leading them to neglect their physical and mental health. This self-sacrificing attitude can be detrimental to their well-being.

Lack of encouragement. Unlike women, who are often encouraged to prioritize self-care, men receive little to no encouragement to take care of themselves. This lack of support can reinforce the idea that self-care is selfish or unmanly.

Promoting self-care. To encourage men to prioritize their health, it's crucial to challenge the norms that discourage self-care and create spaces where men feel comfortable seeking help and support. This requires a shift in societal attitudes towards masculinity and a greater emphasis on the importance of men's well-being.

10. Men need to find a fulfilling third act beyond work and family.

I think, contrary to most beliefs, fatherhood is where it all gets easier, with regard to being a man.

Lack of purpose. As men age, they may struggle to find purpose and meaning outside of their careers and families. This can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression.

Limited options. Men often have fewer options for engaging in meaningful activities in their later years compared to women. This can be due to societal expectations, financial constraints, or a lack of social connections.

Creating a fulfilling third act. To thrive in their later years, men need to explore new interests, cultivate meaningful relationships, and find ways to contribute to their communities. This requires a proactive approach to self-discovery and a willingness to challenge traditional notions of masculinity.

Last updated: February 23, 2025