The Way Out

1. Toxic Polarization: A Crisis and Opportunity

Coleman lays out a new perspective regarding the roots of this hyperpolarization in a lively, accessible way and, most importantly, offers a detailed map out of the quagmire.

Fractured state. The United States is experiencing a period of intense polarization, deeper and more complicated than past divisions, damaging families, friendships, and communities. This trend, escalating for over fifty years, threatens the nation's future, marked by increased contempt, fear, and distorted perceptions. The political landscape is characterized by deadlock, dysfunction, and a sense of national decay, with Americans feeling anxious, depressed, and socially withdrawn.

Global trend. This division isn't unique to the U.S.; democracies worldwide are facing similar challenges, leading to a "historic crisis point" for modern societies. This makes pluralistic societies less resilient and less able to navigate crises like political deadlock, demographic change, economic slumps, climate events, and threats to national security.

Opportunity amidst crisis. Despite the grim outlook, there's hope. Research suggests that instability, a mutually hurting stalemate, and a mutually enticing opportunity are conditions that can lead warring groups to consider alternative resolutions. The current climate of instability, coupled with widespread misery and a desire for change, presents an opportunity to chart a new course.

2. The Allure and Danger of Polarization

Never were we freer than under the German occupation.

Moral certainty. Polarization offers a sense of moral clarity, dividing the world into good and evil, which can be comforting in times of uncertainty. This need for consistency drives people to seek out information and relationships that reinforce their existing beliefs, leading to echo chambers and further division.

Weaponized threat. Threat, whether real or manufactured, is a potent tool for polarization. By exaggerating the dangers posed by the "other side," political leaders and media outlets can incite fear and animosity, driving people further into their respective tribes.

Defining polarization. Polarization is the divergence of political attitudes toward ideological extremes, encompassing affective, ideological, political, and perceptual dimensions. While some degree of ideological divergence is healthy in a democracy, extreme and intolerant polarization is toxic.

3. Attractors: The Hidden Architects of Conflict

Attractors are simply patterns that are revealed when you measure something (e.g., attitudes, marital relations, voting behavior, or intergroup tensions) that seems to resist change for a long period of time.

Change-resistant patterns. Attractors are stable patterns that draw us in repeatedly and resist change, like strong attitudes, habits, or addictions. They are created by many different elements working in concert, but they also present us with almost as many ways out of them.

Attractor dynamics. Attractors are characterized by their width (the range of circumstances they attract) and depth (their resistance to change). Conflict landscapes are shaped by attractors, with valleys representing stable patterns of behavior and hills representing less-traveled paths.

Intractable landscapes. Intractable conflicts arise when attractor landscapes become too simple, with a dominant negative attractor pulling all interactions toward destructive patterns. This can lead to a one-dimensional view of the conflict, making it difficult to escape its grip.

4. Beyond Fixing: Radical Relandscaping for Change

It is clearly about men. Our political system was born from toxic masculinity, and its hypercompetitive, dominance-oriented, phallic devotion (see the Washington Monument) still fuels it today.

Shifting focus. Addressing toxic polarization requires a shift from "fixing" individual conflicts to "relandscaping" the underlying conditions that give rise to them. This involves understanding the complex system of factors that perpetuate division and working to transform the landscape over time.

Radical relandscaping. This approach emphasizes working with the flow of the situation, leveraging existing trends and movements, and focusing on long-term, systemic change. It requires a different mindset, new skills, and a willingness to challenge conventional approaches.

Five modes of practice:

• Reset: Capture the power of new beginnings
• Bolster and Break: Locate latent bubbles
• Complicate: Embrace contradictory complexity
• Move: Activate novel pathways and rhythms
• Adapt: Seek evolution for revolution

5. Resetting the Course: New Beginnings and Destabilizing Shocks

A change in strong normative patterns is thought to require a disassembly and resetting of their deep structures—essentially the assumptions, values, and incentives that determine our most basic decision-making processes.

Bombshell effect. Major shocks, like the Trump presidency or the COVID-19 pandemic, can destabilize existing patterns and create opportunities for change. However, these shocks can also lead to further division if not managed effectively.

Butterfly effect. Small differences in initial conditions can have profound effects on the trajectory of a conflict. This highlights the importance of carefully preparing for difficult encounters and setting a positive tone from the outset.

Key elements for resetting:

• Acknowledge the problem
• Surrender to the fact that it is much mightier than you are alone
• Commit to changing the “persons, places, and things” in your life that draw you back into substance abuse

6. Bolstering the Good, Breaking the Bad: Working with Latent Bubbles

Since that first fear-filled meeting, we have experienced a paradox. While learning to treat each other with dignity and respect, we have all become firmer in our views about abortion…. We saw that our differences on abortion reflect two world views that are irreconcilable.

Positive deviance. Change-resistant problems are often most responsive to positive deviance, existing remedies that have already arisen and proven useful and sustainable within the context of the problem.

Latent attractors. Even in highly polarized situations, there are often latent attractors for more positive relationships. Identifying and bolstering these attractors can help shift the overall dynamic.

Breaking down destructive dynamics. In addition to building on the positive, it's essential to weaken the attraction of destructive patterns. This involves addressing the underlying drivers of conflict and leveraging existing repellers or social taboos.

7. Complicating the Narrative: Embracing Contradictory Complexity

Since that first fear-filled meeting, we have experienced a paradox. While learning to treat each other with dignity and respect, we have all become firmer in our views about abortion…. We saw that our differences on abortion reflect two world views that are irreconcilable.

The collapse of complexity. Highly complex and volatile problems cause us to feel more anxious, think in more simplistic terms, make worse decisions, trust fewer people, prefer hostile leaders, close ranks, and prepare for battle.

Contradictory complexity. This entails constellations of factors that may be just as highly numerous and complicated but that contain more internal contradictions—inherent checks and balances—that tend to inhibit each other and therefore are less polarizing and escalating, instead promoting more balanced (and often more accurate) views of us, them, and the issues.

Strategies for embracing complexity:

• Acknowledge your own contradictions
• Learn to think with the best of them
• Complicate the problem
• Complicate the conversation
• Complicate your community

8. Movement as Liberation: Activating Novel Pathways and Rhythms

Social media is to polarization and violence what carbon is to climate change.

The constricting nature of conflict. High conflict can be imprisoning, limiting what we are allowed to feel, imagine, aspire to, discuss, or make happen.

Movement as a cure. Moments and deeds that allow the imagination to wander, doubts to surface, or aspirations to soar—or incidents that bring us to new places or expose us to fresh perspectives—can provide the release that people drowning in conflict come to so desperately crave.

Locomotion and synchronization:

• Locomotion: The act of moving from one place to another, both physically and psychologically, can help break free from rigid thought patterns.
• Synchronization: Moving together with others, in rhythm, can foster empathy, connection, and cooperation.

9. Adaptability: The Key to Navigating Infinite Problems

Our whole problem is to make the mistakes as fast as possible.

Infinite problems. Unlike clock problems with clear solutions, cloudy problems are ongoing, evolving relationships or situations with changing conditions and shifting rules and dynamics that require different types of responses.

The E4 vortex. Humans are prone to decision-making errors due to the tyranny of efficiency, existence, esteem, and environment. This can lead to ballistic behavior, or doubling down on bad solutions.

Adaptive competencies:

• Tolerance for ambiguity
• Cognitive complexity
• Emotional complexity
• Behavioral complexity
• Consideration for future consequences

10. New Rules: A Path Forward

It is clearly about men. Our political system was born from toxic masculinity, and its hypercompetitive, dominance-oriented, phallic devotion (see the Washington Monument) still fuels it today.

Overruling deep rules. Our responses to polarization are often driven by deep-seated rules and instincts. To break free, we need to consciously override these rules and adopt new ones.

New rules for the way out:

• Get Ready: See, Stop, Shift
• Change Course: Spot, Simplify, Synchronize
• Settle-in: Settle-in, Support

A new ethic of politics. By embracing these new rules, we can begin to create a more tolerant, functional, and hopeful society, one that is guided by compassion, understanding, and a commitment to building a better future for all.

Last updated: March 3, 2025