How to Be a Woman

1. Embrace feminism and challenge societal norms

"If there is to be a fifth wave of feminism, I would hope that the main thing that distinguishes it from all that came before is that women counter the awkwardness, disconnect, and bullshit of being a modern woman not by shouting at it, internalizing it, or squabbling about it—but by simply pointing at it and going 'HA!' instead."

Redefine feminism. Feminism is not about man-hating or burning bras, but about equal rights and opportunities for women. It's about recognizing and challenging societal norms that limit women's potential. Embrace the label "feminist" and understand that it simply means believing in gender equality.

Challenge stereotypes. Question and reject societal expectations that pigeonhole women into specific roles or behaviors. This includes challenging beauty standards, career limitations, and expectations about relationships and family. Recognize that these norms are often rooted in outdated patriarchal structures and don't serve women's best interests.

Use humor as a tool. Instead of becoming angry or despondent about sexism and inequality, learn to point out absurdities with humor. This approach can be more effective in making others see the ridiculousness of certain societal expectations and can be a powerful tool for change.

2. Confront body image issues and reject unrealistic beauty standards

"Women are just supposed to be Good at Clothes, and to look down on those who aren't—who screw up even one outfit, as evidenced by all those 'Circle of Shame'/'What Was She Thinking?' spreads in every magazine and every tabloid newspaper every week."

Reject harmful beauty standards. Recognize that societal beauty standards are often unrealistic, changeable, and designed to make women feel inadequate. These standards are frequently driven by commercial interests rather than genuine concern for women's well-being.

Embrace your natural self. Learn to appreciate your body for its functionality and uniqueness rather than how closely it adheres to current beauty ideals. This includes:

• Accepting natural body hair
• Embracing your natural body shape and size
• Appreciating the changes your body undergoes with age

Question fashion and beauty trends. Be critical of fashion and beauty trends that promote discomfort or unrealistic ideals. Remember that comfort and personal style are more important than following every trend. Don't let the fear of being judged for your appearance dictate your choices.

3. Navigate relationships and sexuality with confidence

"When you look at history, it's a prejudice based on simple fact."

Understand historical context. Recognize that many of our current attitudes about relationships and sexuality are rooted in historical inequalities. Women have been historically disadvantaged, which has shaped societal expectations and norms.

Embrace sexual autonomy. Take charge of your own sexuality and desires. This includes:

• Exploring and understanding your own desires
• Communicating openly with partners about your needs and boundaries
• Rejecting shame or guilt associated with sexual expression

Challenge relationship norms. Question traditional relationship expectations that may limit your happiness or personal growth. This could mean:

• Rejecting the idea that you need a partner to be complete
• Exploring non-traditional relationship structures if they appeal to you
• Prioritizing your own goals and ambitions within relationships

4. Recognize the complexities of motherhood and childrearing

"Personally, I like the fact that we're going to die. There's nothing more exhilarating than waking up every morning and going, 'WOW! THIS IS IT! THIS IS REALLY IT!' It focuses the mind wonderfully."

Embrace the challenges. Motherhood is complex and challenging, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Recognize that it's okay to find it difficult at times and that struggling doesn't make you a bad mother.

Challenge societal expectations. Reject the notion that motherhood should be all-consuming or that it's the only path to fulfillment for women. It's okay to:

• Maintain your own identity outside of motherhood
• Pursue career goals while being a parent
• Choose not to have children if that's your preference

Find support. Seek out support systems and resources to help navigate the challenges of motherhood. This could include:

• Joining parenting groups or forums
• Seeking professional help when needed
• Building a network of friends and family for practical and emotional support

5. Challenge ageism and embrace the aging process

"Lines and grayness are nature's way of telling you not to fuck with someone—the equivalent of the yellow-and-black banding on a wasp, or the markings on the back of a black widow spider."

Reject anti-aging culture. Recognize that the pressure to maintain a youthful appearance is often rooted in sexism and ageism. Embrace the natural aging process as a sign of wisdom and experience.

Celebrate aging. Instead of fearing getting older, celebrate the wisdom, confidence, and self-awareness that often come with age. This could mean:

• Embracing gray hair and natural changes in appearance
• Focusing on health and vitality rather than trying to look younger
• Sharing your experiences and knowledge with younger generations

Challenge ageist stereotypes. Actively work to challenge stereotypes about older women in society. This could involve:

• Pursuing new interests or careers later in life
• Speaking out against ageism in media and advertising
• Supporting and celebrating older women in leadership roles

6. Understand the importance of reproductive rights and choices

"If we wonder why people are so apathetic and casual about every eminently avoidable horror in the world—famine, war, disease, the seas gradually turning piss-yellow and filling with ring-pulls and shattered fax machines—it's right there. Heaven."

Recognize bodily autonomy. Understand that having control over your reproductive choices is a fundamental human right. This includes access to contraception, abortion, and comprehensive sex education.

Challenge stigma. Work to destigmatize discussions about reproductive health and choices. This could involve:

• Speaking openly about your own experiences
• Supporting organizations that provide reproductive health services
• Challenging misinformation and myths about reproductive health

Support reproductive rights. Actively support and defend reproductive rights through:

• Voting for politicians who support reproductive rights
• Donating to organizations that provide reproductive health services
• Educating others about the importance of reproductive choice

7. Cultivate a strong sense of self and personal growth

"When I think of everything about womanhood that had hamstrung me with fear when I was 13, it all came down, really, to princesses."

Reject the princess mentality. Understand that the "princess" ideal often promoted to young girls can be limiting and unrealistic. Instead, focus on developing your own strengths, interests, and values.

Embrace continuous learning. Commit to ongoing personal growth and learning. This could involve:

• Pursuing education or new skills at any age
• Reading widely and exposing yourself to diverse perspectives
• Seeking out new experiences and challenges

Define your own success. Reject societal definitions of success that may not align with your personal values. Instead:

• Set your own goals based on what truly matters to you
• Celebrate your own achievements, big and small
• Support other women in their personal journeys of growth and self-discovery

Last updated: January 22, 2025