Winning Body Language

1. Body Language Trumps Words: Actions Speak Louder

We believe it when we see it!

Nonverbal dominance. In face-to-face communication, body language accounts for 55% of the message's impact, tone of voice 38%, and the actual words only 7%. This means that how you look and sound is far more important than what you say. When there's a conflict between your words and your nonverbal cues, people will almost always trust what they see and hear over what you say.

Congruence is key. For effective communication, your words, tone, and body language must align. Incongruence creates "cognitive dissonance," where the receiver feels a conflict between what they hear and what they see, leading to distrust. For example, if a CEO says, "We've had a great year," but looks and sounds defeated, the audience will believe the nonverbal cues, not the words.

The receiver is in charge. The message is ultimately interpreted in the audience's mind, not yours. Therefore, focus on sending clear, congruent nonverbal signals that are easy for the receiver to understand. Remember, it's not about you; it's about the audience.

2. The Primal Brain: Fear and Fight-or-Flight Responses

First and foremost, take a negative view.

Hardwired for paranoia. Our brains are naturally wired to prioritize survival, leading to a default mindset of pessimism. This "fight-or-flight" response is triggered by uncertainty and perceived threats, causing physical reactions like increased heart rate, shallow breathing, and a tendency to freeze or flee.

The GrotesquePlane. Dropping your hands below your waistline (the GrotesquePlane) triggers this primal stress response, making you appear weak, submissive, or aggressive. This posture also reduces oxygen intake, leading to a dull voice and a lifeless look. Traditional presentation training often makes this mistake by advising speakers to keep their hands by their sides.

Counteracting fear. To counteract this, keep your hands above your waistline, which signals confidence and control. Recognize that your audience mirrors your nonverbal cues, so managing your own stress response is crucial for creating a positive atmosphere.

3. The TruthPlane: Center Yourself for Trust

Gestures on a horizontal plane extending from the navel.

The power of the navel. The area around your navel is your physical center of gravity and a key point for managing stress. Gesturing within the horizontal plane extending from your navel (the TruthPlane) creates a feeling of calm, balance, and confidence. This is because it aligns your body's mass with its center of gravity.

Breathing and balance. Placing your hands in the TruthPlane also promotes deeper, more balanced breathing, which helps regulate your stress response. This, in turn, affects your vocal tone, making it sound more trustworthy and calming.

Universal signal. Gestures in the TruthPlane are universally understood as a sign of openness, honesty, and non-confrontation. By using this plane, you signal to your audience that you are there to give, not to take away, fostering trust and connection.

4. The In-Breath: Inspire with Your Body

Breathe … and remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.

Oxygen and inspiration. Breathing in provides oxygen to the brain, fueling creativity and positive thinking. Conversely, breathing out tends to produce a more pessimistic and narrow perspective. By consciously focusing on the in-breath, you can create a more inspired and energetic state.

Mirroring effect. Your audience will unconsciously mirror your breathing patterns. By breathing in an inspired way, you can influence your audience to feel more open, positive, and receptive to your message. This is because we copy the feelings of others through our mirror neuron system.

Beyond the belly. The key is not just breathing from the belly, but to be on the in-breath, which means to have a physical feeling of more in-breath than out-breath. This creates a feeling of lightness, energy, and availability, making you more engaging and persuasive.

5. The PassionPlane: Ignite Action with Energy

Without passion you don’t have energy; without energy you have nothing.

Chest-level gestures. Gesturing with your hands at chest level (the PassionPlane) increases your breathing and heart rate, creating a feeling of excitement and energy. This is because the chest is a relatively safe area of the body, allowing for more expansive movement.

Motivation and action. The PassionPlane is ideal for communicating messages that you want to be seen as exciting, energetic, or even aggressive. It can motivate your audience to take action by mirroring your enthusiasm and feeling compelled to join in.

Controlled passion. While the PassionPlane is powerful, it can also be perceived as aggressive or melodramatic if not used carefully. Balance it with the TruthPlane to ensure that your message is both passionate and trustworthy.

6. Facial Cues: Read and Project Authenticity

Other men are lenses through which we read our own minds.

The face as a communicator. The face is a powerful tool for communication, capable of expressing a wide range of emotions through subtle muscle movements. However, it can also be used to conceal emotions, making it a complex source of information.

The DisclosurePlane. Keep your hands away from your mouth, as covering it can create a feeling of mistrust. Conversely, using your hands to funnel attention to your mouth can emphasize your words and create a sense of disclosure.

The ThoughtPlane. Gesturing at eye level can create a feeling of indecision or focus, depending on whether your hands are wide apart or close together. The center line of the body (the WheelPlane) can be used to create a feeling of decision.

The indeterminate smile. A gentle, slightly upturned smile with congruent eye muscles is the key to inviting an audience to listen. Slightly raised eyebrows signal recognition, and a head tilt shows that you are listening.

7. Symmetry and Clarity: Simplify for Impact

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Symmetrical gestures. Symmetrical gestures, where both sides of your body move in a similar way, are easier to understand and are perceived as more attractive. This is because they create a focal point and reduce cognitive dissonance.

Asymmetrical gestures. Asymmetrical gestures, where your left and right sides move differently, can create confusion and distrust. However, they can also be used strategically to devalue or create dissonance around certain ideas.

The power of simplicity. The more you try to bring yourself toward the essential form of a gesture, the more you will describe an archetype that others can innately understand and be drawn toward. Keep your movements simple and consistent for maximum impact.

8. Territory and Status: Control Your Space

You can have power over people as long as you don’t take everything from them.

Respect personal space. Avoid leaning on, touching, or standing too close to other people's objects, as this can be perceived as a territorial invasion. Instead, present yourself as someone who is there to offer resources, not take them away.

The power of provision. The person who controls the basics of survival (food, drink, light, heat) commands attention and status. Be the provider, not the taker.

Seating arrangements. Be mindful of how you arrange seating in a room. Avoid creating adversarial setups, and place key decision-makers in positions where they can best receive your message.

9. The Power of Acceptance: The YesState

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.

The need for acceptance. The most fundamental human need is to feel accepted. By projecting a physicality of total acceptance, you can create an atmosphere where others feel safe, valued, and open to your message.

The YesState. The YesState is a mental attitude of acceptance and positivity that is reflected in your body language. It involves open gestures, a gentle smile, a head tilt, and a focus on the TruthPlane.

The upper-hand handshake. When shaking hands, gently turn the other person's hand so that it is slightly over yours, and move your clasped hands toward your stomach area. This gives the other person a feeling of status and acceptance.

10. Physical Narrative: Move Your Audience

It is not the strongest of the species nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.

The power of story. To persuade and influence, you must take your audience on a journey through different emotional and intellectual states. This is achieved through a "physical narrative" that uses changes in your body language to move your audience.

The three-act structure. Like a Hollywood film, your communication should have a setup, an inciting incident, a confrontation, and a resolution. Use the TruthPlane for facts, the PassionPlane for excitement, and the GrotesquePlane for problems.

The Zeigarnik effect. Use the Zeigarnik effect to keep your audience engaged by creating suspense and delaying the solution. This will make them more receptive to your message.

Last updated: January 15, 2025