What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

1. Self-Talk shapes your reality: Your internal dialogue programs your subconscious

You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.

Your mind is a powerful tool. The thoughts you entertain and the words you use when talking to yourself have a profound impact on your subconscious mind. This internal dialogue acts as a programming language, shaping your beliefs, attitudes, and ultimately, your actions.

Negative programming is pervasive. Throughout our lives, we are bombarded with negative messages from various sources, including parents, teachers, peers, and media. Research suggests that up to 77% of our self-talk is negative, counterproductive, and works against us.

Reprogramming is possible. By consciously changing your self-talk, you can override past negative programming and create new, positive directives for your subconscious mind. This process allows you to reshape your self-image, boost confidence, and achieve goals that once seemed out of reach.

2. Recognize and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations

If you want to change or override our old programming and replace it with a specific, word-for-word new program, you've got to do it the way the brain works.

Awareness is key. The first step in changing your self-talk is recognizing the negative patterns that have become habitual. Pay attention to the phrases you frequently use, such as "I can't," "I'm not good enough," or "It's too difficult."

Replace with positive alternatives. Once you've identified negative self-talk, consciously replace it with positive affirmations. For example:

• Instead of "I can't do this," say "I am capable of learning and succeeding."
• Replace "I'm not good enough" with "I am constantly improving and growing."
• Instead of "It's too difficult," affirm "I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth."

Consistency is crucial. Changing ingrained thought patterns takes time and repetition. Make a conscious effort to practice positive self-talk daily, even when it feels unnatural at first. Over time, these new patterns will become automatic, reshaping your subconscious beliefs and influencing your actions.

3. The five levels of self-talk: From negative acceptance to universal affirmation

All of us talk to ourselves all of the time. Our self-talk may be in spoken words or unspoken thoughts.

Level 1: Negative Acceptance. This is the most harmful level, characterized by phrases like "I can't" or "If only I could." It reinforces self-doubt and limits personal growth.

Level 2: Recognition of Need to Change. While acknowledging the need for improvement, this level still falls short of creating real change. Phrases like "I need to" or "I should" are common.

Level 3: Decision to Change. This is the first level that works for you, using phrases like "I never" or "I no longer" to affirm positive changes.

Level 4: The Better You. This level uses present-tense affirmations like "I am" to paint a picture of your ideal self.

Level 5: Universal Affirmation. The highest level, focusing on broader, life-affirming statements that elevate your overall perspective.

Progress through these levels:

• Identify your current level of self-talk
• Consciously move towards higher levels
• Practice level 4 and 5 self-talk regularly

4. Change habits and attitudes through consistent positive self-talk

Any habit once learned can be changed. The problem has been that in the past, changing habits has been difficult because we were trying to change direction without first changing the old programming.

Habits are ingrained programs. Our habits, both good and bad, are the result of repeated thoughts and actions that have become automatic responses. Changing these habits requires addressing the underlying mental programming.

Attitude shapes perception. Your attitude acts as a filter through which you view the world, influencing your emotions, decisions, and actions. By changing your self-talk, you can gradually shift your attitudes to more positive and productive ones.

Steps to change habits and attitudes:

1. Identify the specific habit or attitude you want to change
2. Create targeted, positive self-talk statements addressing the desired change
3. Repeat these statements consistently, multiple times daily
4. Visualize yourself embodying the new habit or attitude
5. Act in alignment with your new self-talk, even when it feels uncomfortable
6. Celebrate small victories and progress along the way

5. Motivate yourself internally rather than relying on external sources

The only kind of motivation which we can ever be sure of is the motivation that is created within us—"internal" motivation.

External motivation is temporary. While motivational speeches, incentives, or praise from others can provide a short-term boost, their effects are often fleeting. True, lasting motivation must come from within.

Internal motivation is sustainable. By developing a strong sense of self-motivation, you become less dependent on external factors and more resilient in the face of challenges. This internal drive is fueled by your self-talk and beliefs about your capabilities.

Techniques for building internal motivation:

• Use empowering self-talk phrases daily
• Set clear, meaningful goals aligned with your values
• Visualize your success and the feeling of achievement
• Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps
• Celebrate progress and learn from setbacks
• Regularly remind yourself of your "why" – the deeper purpose behind your goals

6. Use situational self-talk to manage unexpected challenges

Situational Self-Talk is used when you are confronted with any situation which you would rather not be in, or when you are presented with an unexpected opportunity which requires your immediate attention.

Immediate reframing. Situational self-talk allows you to quickly adjust your perspective when faced with unexpected challenges or opportunities. By consciously choosing how to interpret and respond to a situation, you maintain control over your emotions and actions.

Practical application. When confronted with a difficult situation:

1. Pause and take a deep breath
2. Consciously choose a positive or constructive perspective
3. Use brief, present-tense self-talk statements to reinforce this perspective
4. Take action based on your new outlook

Examples of situational self-talk:

• During traffic: "I'm using this time to relax and plan my day."
• Before a challenging task: "I have the skills to handle this effectively."
• After a setback: "This is an opportunity to learn and grow stronger."

7. Implement self-talk techniques to achieve personal and professional goals

To solve any problem or reach any goal, great or small, the internal mental process we go through is the same.

Goal-oriented self-talk. Tailor your self-talk to support specific personal and professional objectives. Create affirmations that reinforce your belief in your ability to achieve these goals.

Comprehensive approach. Address various aspects of goal achievement through self-talk:

• Confidence: "I have the skills and determination to succeed."
• Planning: "I break down my goals into manageable steps."
• Persistence: "I overcome obstacles and stay focused on my objectives."
• Learning: "I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth."

Integrate self-talk into your routine:

1. Start your day with positive affirmations related to your goals
2. Use situational self-talk to navigate challenges throughout the day
3. Review your progress and reinforce your commitment before bed
4. Write down your most powerful self-talk statements and keep them visible
5. Practice visualization alongside your self-talk to enhance its impact

By consistently applying these self-talk techniques, you create a powerful internal support system that propels you towards your goals and helps you overcome obstacles along the way.

Last updated: January 22, 2025