Key Takeaways
1. Self-Talk shapes your reality: Your internal dialogue programs your subconscious
You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.
Your mind is a powerful tool. The thoughts you entertain and the words you use when talking to yourself have a profound impact on your subconscious mind. This internal dialogue acts as a programming language, shaping your beliefs, attitudes, and ultimately, your actions.
Negative programming is pervasive. Throughout our lives, we are bombarded with negative messages from various sources, including parents, teachers, peers, and media. Research suggests that up to 77% of our self-talk is negative, counterproductive, and works against us.
Reprogramming is possible. By consciously changing your self-talk, you can override past negative programming and create new, positive directives for your subconscious mind. This process allows you to reshape your self-image, boost confidence, and achieve goals that once seemed out of reach.
2. Recognize and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations
If you want to change or override our old programming and replace it with a specific, word-for-word new program, you've got to do it the way the brain works.
Awareness is key. The first step in changing your self-talk is recognizing the negative patterns that have become habitual. Pay attention to the phrases you frequently use, such as "I can't," "I'm not good enough," or "It's too difficult."
Replace with positive alternatives. Once you've identified negative self-talk, consciously replace it with positive affirmations. For example:
- Instead of "I can't do this," say "I am capable of learning and succeeding."
- Replace "I'm not good enough" with "I am constantly improving and growing."
- Instead of "It's too difficult," affirm "I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth."
Consistency is crucial. Changing ingrained thought patterns takes time and repetition. Make a conscious effort to practice positive self-talk daily, even when it feels unnatural at first. Over time, these new patterns will become automatic, reshaping your subconscious beliefs and influencing your actions.
3. The five levels of self-talk: From negative acceptance to universal affirmation
All of us talk to ourselves all of the time. Our self-talk may be in spoken words or unspoken thoughts.
Level 1: Negative Acceptance. This is the most harmful level, characterized by phrases like "I can't" or "If only I could." It reinforces self-doubt and limits personal growth.
Level 2: Recognition of Need to Change. While acknowledging the need for improvement, this level still falls short of creating real change. Phrases like "I need to" or "I should" are common.
Level 3: Decision to Change. This is the first level that works for you, using phrases like "I never" or "I no longer" to affirm positive changes.
Level 4: The Better You. This level uses present-tense affirmations like "I am" to paint a picture of your ideal self.
Level 5: Universal Affirmation. The highest level, focusing on broader, life-affirming statements that elevate your overall perspective.
Progress through these levels:
- Identify your current level of self-talk
- Consciously move towards higher levels
- Practice level 4 and 5 self-talk regularly
4. Change habits and attitudes through consistent positive self-talk
Any habit once learned can be changed. The problem has been that in the past, changing habits has been difficult because we were trying to change direction without first changing the old programming.
Habits are ingrained programs. Our habits, both good and bad, are the result of repeated thoughts and actions that have become automatic responses. Changing these habits requires addressing the underlying mental programming.
Attitude shapes perception. Your attitude acts as a filter through which you view the world, influencing your emotions, decisions, and actions. By changing your self-talk, you can gradually shift your attitudes to more positive and productive ones.
Steps to change habits and attitudes:
- Identify the specific habit or attitude you want to change
- Create targeted, positive self-talk statements addressing the desired change
- Repeat these statements consistently, multiple times daily
- Visualize yourself embodying the new habit or attitude
- Act in alignment with your new self-talk, even when it feels uncomfortable
- Celebrate small victories and progress along the way
5. Motivate yourself internally rather than relying on external sources
The only kind of motivation which we can ever be sure of is the motivation that is created within us—"internal" motivation.
External motivation is temporary. While motivational speeches, incentives, or praise from others can provide a short-term boost, their effects are often fleeting. True, lasting motivation must come from within.
Internal motivation is sustainable. By developing a strong sense of self-motivation, you become less dependent on external factors and more resilient in the face of challenges. This internal drive is fueled by your self-talk and beliefs about your capabilities.
Techniques for building internal motivation:
- Use empowering self-talk phrases daily
- Set clear, meaningful goals aligned with your values
- Visualize your success and the feeling of achievement
- Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps
- Celebrate progress and learn from setbacks
- Regularly remind yourself of your "why" – the deeper purpose behind your goals
6. Use situational self-talk to manage unexpected challenges
Situational Self-Talk is used when you are confronted with any situation which you would rather not be in, or when you are presented with an unexpected opportunity which requires your immediate attention.
Immediate reframing. Situational self-talk allows you to quickly adjust your perspective when faced with unexpected challenges or opportunities. By consciously choosing how to interpret and respond to a situation, you maintain control over your emotions and actions.
Practical application. When confronted with a difficult situation:
- Pause and take a deep breath
- Consciously choose a positive or constructive perspective
- Use brief, present-tense self-talk statements to reinforce this perspective
- Take action based on your new outlook
Examples of situational self-talk:
- During traffic: "I'm using this time to relax and plan my day."
- Before a challenging task: "I have the skills to handle this effectively."
- After a setback: "This is an opportunity to learn and grow stronger."
7. Implement self-talk techniques to achieve personal and professional goals
To solve any problem or reach any goal, great or small, the internal mental process we go through is the same.
Goal-oriented self-talk. Tailor your self-talk to support specific personal and professional objectives. Create affirmations that reinforce your belief in your ability to achieve these goals.
Comprehensive approach. Address various aspects of goal achievement through self-talk:
- Confidence: "I have the skills and determination to succeed."
- Planning: "I break down my goals into manageable steps."
- Persistence: "I overcome obstacles and stay focused on my objectives."
- Learning: "I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth."
Integrate self-talk into your routine:
- Start your day with positive affirmations related to your goals
- Use situational self-talk to navigate challenges throughout the day
- Review your progress and reinforce your commitment before bed
- Write down your most powerful self-talk statements and keep them visible
- Practice visualization alongside your self-talk to enhance its impact
By consistently applying these self-talk techniques, you create a powerful internal support system that propels you towards your goals and helps you overcome obstacles along the way.
Last updated:
FAQ
What's "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" about?
- Self-Talk Concept: The book by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D., explores the concept of Self-Talk, which is the internal dialogue we have with ourselves and how it influences our behavior and success.
- Programming the Mind: It explains how our thoughts and words program our subconscious mind, affecting our beliefs, attitudes, and actions.
- Changing Negative Patterns: The book provides strategies to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations to improve self-esteem and achieve personal goals.
- Practical Techniques: It offers practical techniques for using Self-Talk to manage stress, improve relationships, and enhance personal and professional success.
Why should I read "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself"?
- Understand Self-Programming: The book helps readers understand how their internal dialogue affects their life outcomes and provides tools to change it.
- Improve Self-Esteem: It offers methods to boost self-esteem and confidence by changing negative thought patterns.
- Achieve Goals: Readers can learn how to set and achieve personal and professional goals through positive Self-Talk.
- Practical Application: The book provides actionable steps and examples, making it easy to apply the concepts to everyday life.
What are the key takeaways of "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself"?
- Self-Talk Levels: There are five levels of Self-Talk, ranging from negative acceptance to universal affirmation, each affecting us differently.
- Reprogramming the Mind: By consciously changing our Self-Talk, we can reprogram our subconscious mind to support our goals and desires.
- Permanence of Change: Lasting change requires consistent and positive Self-Talk, as temporary motivation is not enough.
- Personal Responsibility: Taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions is crucial for personal growth and success.
How does Shad Helmstetter define Self-Talk in the book?
- Internal Dialogue: Self-Talk is the internal dialogue we have with ourselves, which can be either positive or negative.
- Programming Tool: It acts as a tool for programming our subconscious mind, influencing our beliefs and behaviors.
- Levels of Self-Talk: Helmstetter categorizes Self-Talk into five levels, each with varying impacts on our mental state and actions.
- Conscious Reprogramming: By consciously choosing positive Self-Talk, we can override negative programming and create a more successful life.
What are the five levels of Self-Talk according to Shad Helmstetter?
- Level 1 - Negative Acceptance: This level involves negative statements like "I can't" or "I wish I could," which reinforce limitations.
- Level 2 - Recognition and Need to Change: Statements like "I need to" or "I should," which acknowledge a problem but don't create solutions.
- Level 3 - Decision to Change: Phrases like "I never" or "I no longer," indicating a decision to change and move past old habits.
- Level 4 - The Better You: Positive affirmations like "I am," which create a new, positive self-image and encourage growth.
- Level 5 - Universal Affirmation: Broad, life-affirming statements that connect with a higher consciousness or spiritual perspective.
How can I apply the Self-Talk techniques from the book in daily life?
- Awareness of Self-Talk: Start by becoming aware of your current Self-Talk patterns and identifying negative phrases.
- Rephrase Negatives: Consciously rephrase negative statements into positive affirmations that reflect your goals and desires.
- Consistency is Key: Practice positive Self-Talk consistently to reinforce new, empowering beliefs and behaviors.
- Use Situational Self-Talk: Apply specific Self-Talk in challenging situations to maintain a positive mindset and overcome obstacles.
What are some practical examples of Self-Talk provided in the book?
- Weight Loss: "I eat only what I should and enjoy being healthy and fit."
- Time Management: "I am organized and in control of my time and actions."
- Self-Esteem: "I like who I am and feel good about myself."
- Problem Solving: "I am good at solving problems and meet challenges head-on."
What is the "Motivation Myth" discussed in the book?
- Temporary Motivation: Helmstetter argues that external motivation is temporary and doesn't lead to lasting change.
- Internal Motivation: True motivation comes from within and is sustained by positive Self-Talk and self-belief.
- Self-Reliance: Relying on oneself for motivation is more effective than depending on external sources.
- Consistent Practice: Regular practice of positive Self-Talk helps maintain motivation and achieve goals.
How does "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" address changing habits?
- Identify Negative Habits: Recognize habits that hold you back and understand their underlying programming.
- Use Habit-Changing Self-Talk: Apply specific Self-Talk to replace negative habits with positive behaviors.
- Present Tense Affirmations: State your desired changes in the present tense to create a clear mental picture.
- Comprehensive Approach: Address all aspects of the habit to ensure a complete and lasting change.
What role does attitude play in the concepts of the book?
- Foundation of Success: Attitudes are the foundation of our feelings and actions, influencing our success or failure.
- Attitude Adjustment: Changing attitudes through positive Self-Talk can lead to significant improvements in life.
- Self-Perception: Our attitudes about ourselves affect how we perceive and interact with the world.
- Empowerment: Positive attitudes empower us to overcome challenges and achieve our goals.
What are the best quotes from "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" and what do they mean?
- "You are everything that is, your thoughts, your life, your dreams come true." This emphasizes the power of thoughts in shaping our reality.
- "You are as unlimited as the endless universe." It highlights the limitless potential within each individual.
- "Talk to yourself in a way that is kind, loving, caring, strong, demanding, and determined." Encourages using positive Self-Talk to nurture and empower oneself.
- "The key to all management, the management of others, the management of your resources, and the management of your future, is Self-Management." Stresses the importance of self-control and personal responsibility in achieving success.
How does Shad Helmstetter suggest overcoming negative programming?
- Awareness and Recognition: First, become aware of the negative programming and recognize its impact on your life.
- Replace with Positive Self-Talk: Use positive Self-Talk to replace negative thoughts and beliefs with empowering ones.
- Consistency and Repetition: Consistently practice positive Self-Talk to reinforce new, positive programming.
- Focus on Solutions: Shift focus from problems to solutions, using Self-Talk to guide your actions and mindset.
Review Summary
What to Say When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter receives mixed reviews. Many readers find the core concept of positive self-talk valuable and life-changing, praising its simplicity and potential impact. However, critics argue the book is repetitive, lacks scientific evidence, and oversimplifies complex issues. Some appreciate the practical advice on implementing self-talk techniques, while others feel the content could have been condensed. Despite its flaws, many readers still recommend the book for its potential to improve self-awareness and mindset.
Similar Books







Download PDF
Download EPUB
.epub
digital book format is ideal for reading ebooks on phones, tablets, and e-readers.