Triggers

1. Triggers are Catalysts, Not Causes: Unveiling the Two-Part Experience

A triggering experience alerts us to a psychological issue in ourselves that needs to be addressed, processed, and resolved.

Understanding the Trigger Mechanism. Triggers are not the root cause of our emotional reactions, but rather catalysts that expose underlying psychological issues. When we experience a trigger, it's essential to recognize that the external event is only part of the equation. The other part, and often the more significant one, is our internal response, which is shaped by past experiences, beliefs, and unresolved conflicts.

Taking Responsibility for Reactions. While external events can initiate a trigger, our reactions are our own responsibility. This understanding shifts the focus from blaming others to exploring our internal landscape. By acknowledging our role in the reaction, we empower ourselves to address the underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Moving from Autopilot to Self-Piloting. Triggers often activate our limbic system, leading to immediate, irrational reactions. However, by developing self-awareness and accessing our prefrontal cortex, we can move from autopilot to self-piloting. This involves pausing between the trigger and the reaction, observing our emotions, and making conscious choices about how to respond.

2. Childhood Wounds: The Deep Roots of Present Triggers

Trauma never goes entirely away but it can become what happened rather than what still hurts.

The Impact of Early Experiences. Many of our triggers are rooted in childhood experiences, particularly those involving trauma or unmet needs. These early experiences can create deep emotional imprints that resurface in response to seemingly innocuous events in the present. Understanding the connection between our past and present reactions is crucial for healing.

The Amygdala's Role. The amygdala, the brain's emotional center, stores traumatic memories without a sense of time. This means that a trigger in the present can evoke the same intense emotions and sense of powerlessness that we experienced as children. Recognizing this disconnect between our present capabilities and our past vulnerabilities is essential for reclaiming our power.

Titration and Healing. Trauma therapy often involves titrating, or gradually exposing ourselves to traumatic memories in a safe and controlled environment. This allows us to process the emotions associated with the trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms. By working through our childhood wounds, we can reduce the intensity and frequency of our triggers.

3. From Reaction to Resource: Building a Personal Toolbox

Inner resources are like aquifers nourishing us.

Inner Resources as Capacities. Inner resources are the skills, strengths, and coping mechanisms that help us navigate life's challenges. These resources can be both psychological, such as assertiveness and emotional regulation, and spiritual, such as compassion and mindfulness. Building a robust toolbox of inner resources is essential for handling triggers effectively.

Accessing and Cultivating Resources. Inner resources are not always readily accessible, especially when we're triggered. However, by practicing self-awareness, mindfulness, and other techniques, we can learn to access these resources more easily. We can also cultivate new resources by learning new skills, seeking therapy, and engaging in spiritual practices.

The Three-Part Practice. When triggered, we can insert a third option between stimulus and response: Trigger → Reaction can become Trigger → Reaction → Resource, and then gradually, Trigger → Resource. This involves pausing, identifying our emotions, and consciously choosing a response that aligns with our values and goals. Over time, this practice can help us rewire our brains and reduce our susceptibility to triggers.

4. The Grief Connection: Sadness, Anger, and Fear as Pathways to Healing

Indeed, every trigger is a catalyst for grief.

Grief as a Core Component. Triggers often evoke feelings of sadness, anger, and fear, which are also the primary emotions associated with grief. This connection highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing grief as a means of healing from triggers. By allowing ourselves to feel the full range of emotions associated with grief, we can move through the experience and find closure.

The Spectrum of Grief. Grief is not a monolithic emotion but rather a spectrum of feelings that can range from mild sadness to intense despair. It's essential to allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of grief without judgment or self-criticism. This may involve crying, journaling, seeking support from others, or engaging in creative expression.

Grief and Self-Trust. As we allow ourselves to experience grief and accept it as part of life, we can discover pathways through it. This increases our self-trust; we feel assurance that we have healthy resources and can access them appropriately when needed. Sometimes our reaction to a trigger leads us to violate our own principles.

5. Ego and Anger: Discerning Healthy Expression from Abusive Outbursts

My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, Or else my heart, concealing it, will break.

Anger as a Normal Emotion. Anger is a natural human emotion that arises in response to perceived injustice or unfairness. It's essential to distinguish between healthy anger, which is a valid expression of our feelings, and abuse, which is an attempt to control or harm others. Healthy anger is expressed assertively, while abuse is expressed aggressively.

The Angry Ego. The ego, our sense of self, can play a significant role in how we experience and express anger. An inflated ego, characterized by arrogance and entitlement, can lead to abusive outbursts. A healthy ego, on the other hand, allows us to express anger assertively without resorting to violence or intimidation.

From Indignation to Dialogue. The goal is to move from a place of indignation, where we feel justified in our anger, to a place of dialogue, where we can communicate our feelings respectfully and seek resolution. This involves taking responsibility for our emotions, setting boundaries, and listening to the other person's perspective.

6. Fear as a Trigger: Navigating the Landscape of Anxiety and Insecurity

Fear is the mind killer.

The Nature of Fear. Fear is a powerful emotion that can trigger a range of reactions, from mild anxiety to full-blown panic. It's essential to understand the nature of fear and how it affects our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Fear often stems from a perceived threat, whether real or imagined, and can lead to avoidance, defensiveness, or aggression.

The Role of the Amygdala. The amygdala, the brain's fear center, plays a crucial role in triggering fear responses. When we perceive a threat, the amygdala activates the sympathetic nervous system, preparing us for fight, flight, or freeze. Understanding this physiological response can help us manage our fear more effectively.

Practices for Freeing Ourselves. There are several practices that can help us free ourselves from the grip of fear, including mindfulness, loving-kindness, and cognitive reframing. Mindfulness allows us to observe our fear without judgment, while loving-kindness cultivates compassion and reduces our sense of isolation. Cognitive reframing involves challenging our negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones.

7. Relationship Dynamics: Triggers, Boundaries, and True Companionship

A person triggers us in direct proportion to how important he has become to us in reality or in our minds.

Triggers in Intimate Relationships. Intimate relationships are often fertile ground for triggers, as partners become deeply intertwined and vulnerable to each other's actions and words. Understanding the dynamics of triggers in relationships is essential for fostering healthy communication and connection.

The Importance of Boundaries. Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. They define our limits and protect us from being overwhelmed or taken advantage of. Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, especially in intimate relationships, but it's crucial for preserving our well-being and fostering mutual respect.

True Companionship. True companionship involves mutual support, understanding, and acceptance. It's about being there for each other through thick and thin, celebrating each other's successes, and offering comfort during difficult times. True companions create a safe and secure space where both partners can thrive.

8. Spiritual Resources: Transcending Triggers Through Connection and Love

Love is the most universal, the most tremendous and the most mystical of cosmic forces.

The Spiritual Dimension. Spirituality offers a range of resources for transcending triggers and finding inner peace. These resources can include meditation, mindfulness, prayer, connection to nature, and service to others. By cultivating a spiritual practice, we can develop a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in life.

Accessing Inner Goodness. Our most prized spiritual resource is inner goodness. Chögyam Trungpa wrote in Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior: “Every human being has a basic nature of goodness, which is undiluted and unconfused and contains tremendous gentleness and appreciation.” Our basic goodness makes love possible.

The Power of Love. Love is the ultimate spiritual resource. It encompasses compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and acceptance. By cultivating love for ourselves and others, we can transform our triggers into opportunities for growth and connection. Love allows us to see beyond our differences and recognize our shared humanity.

Last updated: March 14, 2025