The Wild Edge of Sorrow

1. Grief is a Sacred Gateway to Soul and Aliveness

There is some strange intimacy between grief and aliveness, some sacred exchange between what seems unbearable and what is most exquisitely alive.

Grief as a teacher. Grief, often perceived as a negative emotion, is presented as a gateway to a deeper understanding of the soul and a more vibrant experience of life. It's not merely an event to endure, but an ongoing conversation that shapes our journey. By facing our sorrows, we touch our unlived life and reconnect with a world that is both vivid and radiant.

Restoring the Soul of the World. The book advocates for perceiving the world through a deepened imagination, recognizing the soul in all things, from finches to dragonflies. This involves cultivating openness and vulnerability to both the joys and sorrows of the world, actively participating in repairing the world, and nurturing friendships with time and attention.

Personal and Planetary Intertwined. The author emphasizes the inseparability of personal and planetary healing, noting that our individual experiences of loss are inextricably linked to the suffering of the earth. By acknowledging and metabolizing our shared sorrows, we can move towards a more inclusive sense of identity and a deeper connection with the soul of the world.

2. Reverence and Practice: Essential Skills for Navigating Sorrow

When we approach with reverence, great things decide to approach us.

Reverence as a Guiding Principle. Approaching sorrow with reverence, as opposed to avoidance or immersion, allows for a more skillful relationship with grief. This involves neither distancing ourselves from the emotion nor being overwhelmed by it, but rather entering into an ongoing conversation with this "difficult, holy visitor."

The Power of Practice. Developing a sustained practice, whether writing, drawing, meditation, or prayer, provides ballast during times of distress. This deepens our capacity to hold vulnerable emotions without being overwhelmed, transforming grief work into an act of devotion rooted in love and compassion.

Staying Present in the Adult Self. Maintaining a connection with our adult selves when grief arises is crucial to avoid regressing into a child-like state of panic and hopelessness. This involves recognizing and reconciling with emotional complexes formed during past traumas, allowing for healing and integration.

3. The Five Gates of Grief: Mapping the Terrain of Loss

Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground.

The First Gate: Loss of Loved Ones. This gate encompasses the sorrow experienced with the death of someone or something we love, including the grief associated with illness. It acknowledges the painful truth of impermanence and the importance of staying open to love, even in the face of inevitable loss.

The Second Gate: Places Untouched by Love. This gate addresses the grief arising from places within us that have been wrapped in shame and banished to the farthest shores of our lives. It emphasizes the need to reclaim these neglected pieces of soul, offering them kindness and compassion to restore our wholeness.

The Third Gate: Sorrows of the World. This gate recognizes the shared, communal grief we experience when witnessing the diminishment of species, habitats, and cultures. It calls for acknowledging our interconnectedness with the earth and responding with sorrow, outrage, and apology to the destruction of the biosphere.

The Fourth Gate: Unmet Expectations. This gate explores the grief stemming from what we expected and did not receive, including the absence of a rich and sensuous relationship with the earth, communal rituals, and a sense of purpose in our lives. It highlights the longing to belong and the need to address our spiritual unemployment.

The Fifth Gate: Ancestral Grief. This gate acknowledges the grief we carry in our bodies from sorrows experienced by our ancestors, including the legacy of slavery, genocide, and cultural assimilation. It calls for tending to this undigested grief to free ourselves and ease ancestral suffering.

4. Community and Ritual: Building a Village for Grief

Bonding and belonging nourish resilience.

The Sudden Village. Grief rituals create a temporary community, a "sudden village," where individuals can gather to tend their sorrows in a safe and supportive environment. This space fosters deep listening, respectful attention, and a shared vessel for holding joined hearts suffering.

The Roseto Effect. The story of Roseto, Pennsylvania, illustrates the protective effects of belonging on the heart. The community's low rate of heart disease was attributed to its strong social bonds, which frayed as cultural changes led to increased isolation.

Ritual as a Pathway to Soul. Rituals, often involving drumming, singing, and sharing stories, provide a structured means of expressing grief and connecting with the soul. These practices offer both containment and release, allowing individuals to fully surrender to the requirements of sorrow.

5. Silence and Solitude: Honoring the House of Aloneness

Embrace your grief, for there your soul will grow.

The Creative Tension Between Connection and Freedom. While community support is essential, the long breath of grief also requires periods of silence and solitude. This involves honoring the soul's need for both connection and freedom, navigating the creative tension between belonging and aloneness.

Reverence in the Interior. Approaching our inner life with reverence, gentleness, and patience allows us to coax our sorrows into our open arms. This involves slowing down, stopping, and listening to the subtle character and nuanced complexities of our inner world.

The Value of Emptiness. Facing our emptiness, rather than running from it, is key to our freedom. This involves recognizing that emptiness is not a personal failing, but a symptom of a wider loss, a consequence of abandoning the traditions that made us feel held and embodied.

6. Transforming Grief: Alchemy in the Night World

Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground.

The Night World as a Sacred Space. Grief takes us below the surface of our ordinary lives, dropping us into a night world of darkness and mystery. This is a sacred terrain filled with memories, ancestors, and spirits, where we are invited to discover a new mode of seeing.

The Work of the Night World. In the night world, we are asked to die before we die, to befriend the darkness, and to learn to let go. These practices ripen our grief into something that can, in turn, nourish our lives and the community.

The Importance of Embodiment. Grief is felt, sensed in the viscera of our bellies, the inner walls of our chests, the curve of our shoulders, the heaviness in our thighs. By turning our attention toward the ways we sense our sorrow, we can connect with the wisdom held within our tissues and reestablish our relationship with the living world.

7. Good Manners: A Soulful Response to Planetary Crisis

Grief dares us to love once more.

The Question of Our Times. In the face of global economic meltdown, climate change, and the possibility of near-term extinction, the question arises: What good does it do to grieve? The answer lies in good manners.

Manners as a Foundation for Ethics. Good manners, often reserved for human interactions, must be extended to the wider world of watersheds, migratory estuaries, and soil colonies. This involves recognizing our deep soul obligation to the planet and doing whatever we can to mitigate further damage.

Affection as a Guiding Force. Our ability to feel affection for the world puts us back in a profound state of relatedness to where we live, to the watersheds, to our home. This, in turn, motivates us to register the sorrows of the planet and do whatever we can to prepare for whatever is coming.

8. Becoming Ancestors: The Legacy of a Life Well-Grieved

The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.

The Vision of the Future. By honoring our ancestors and acknowledging the sacrifices they made, we can send blessings to future generations, ensuring that they find a village of welcome, a green world, and the capacity to love and be loved.

The Importance of Connection. The author emphasizes the importance of connecting with others and sharing our experiences, as well as the need to create circles of welcome in our lives in order to keep leaning into the world.

The Call to Action. The book serves as a call to action, urging readers to embrace their grief, connect with their communities, and participate in the repair of the world. By doing so, we can become ancestors in training, leaving behind a legacy of love, compassion, and resilience.

Last updated: March 13, 2025