The Unspoken Rules

1. Master the Three Cs: Competence, Commitment, and Compatibility

Your job is to convince your managers, coworkers, and clients to answer “Yes!” to all three questions.

The Three Cs Defined. The foundation of career success rests on three pillars: competence (demonstrating the ability to do the job well), commitment (showing enthusiasm and dedication), and compatibility (fostering positive relationships). Excelling in all three areas builds trust, unlocks opportunities, and propels career advancement.

Why All Three Cs Matter. It's not enough to be skilled but disengaged, or enthusiastic but incompetent. A balanced approach is essential. Lacking competence erodes trust, a lack of commitment discourages investment, and incompatibility hinders collaboration. Strive for excellence in all three areas to maximize your impact.

Navigating the Challenges. Each C presents unique challenges. Competence requires continuous learning and adaptation. Commitment demands genuine enthusiasm and proactive engagement. Compatibility necessitates understanding and respecting diverse perspectives. By consciously addressing these challenges, you can cultivate a well-rounded professional persona.

2. Embrace a Proactive Mindset: "Let's Give This a Shot!"

Career success depends on your ability to identify and seize the right opportunities.

Seizing Opportunities. A proactive mindset is crucial for career growth. Don't wait for opportunities to come to you; actively seek them out. Embrace a "Let's give this a shot!" attitude to overcome fear and unlock new possibilities.

Annie's Example. Annie, a marketing analyst, exemplifies this mindset. Despite initial setbacks, she relentlessly pursued her desired team rotation, contacted senior leaders, and volunteered for initiatives. Her proactive approach led to unexpected connections and ultimately secured her desired position.

Overcoming Fear. The fear of judgment often prevents us from seizing opportunities. Recognize that the worst-case scenario is often not as bad as we imagine. By reframing fear as a sign of potential growth, we can cultivate the courage to step outside our comfort zones and pursue our goals.

3. Show Up Prepared: Do Your Homework and Ask Good Questions

Always have a question—and make sure it’s a good one.

Preparation is Key. Making a positive first impression starts before your first day. Research the organization, its mission, and its key players. Understand the company's recent activities, its competitors, and how your role contributes to its overall goals.

Asking Good Questions. Asking thoughtful questions demonstrates your engagement and intelligence. Avoid questions with obvious or easily searchable answers. Instead, focus on questions that reveal your understanding of the organization and your desire to learn more.

The "Here's What I Know" Approach. Frame your questions by first sharing what you already know. This demonstrates your initiative and provides context for your inquiry. For example, "I understand that the company is expanding into new markets. I'm curious about the specific challenges and opportunities you foresee in this expansion."

4. Take Ownership: Be Proactive and Solve Problems

Imagine that you own the entire project and don’t have anyone to go to for help. What would you do to solve the problem?

Proactive Problem-Solving. Don't wait for instructions; take initiative and seek out opportunities to contribute. Identify problems and propose solutions. Embrace a mindset of ownership, acting as if you are fully responsible for the success of the team and the organization.

Answering Key Questions. On your first day, proactively seek answers to essential questions:

• Who is my supervisor?
• What are the expectations for my role?
• What are the team's priorities?
• How do I access necessary tools and files?

Embracing Learner and Leader Modes. Recognize when you are in "learner mode" (asking questions and absorbing information) and "leader mode" (contributing ideas and taking initiative). Adapt your behavior accordingly to maximize your impact.

5. Craft Your Narrative: Know Your Story and Tell It Well

The clearer you are on what you want from your new role, the better your chances of designing a fulfilling experience for yourself.

Internal vs. External Narratives. Distinguish between your internal narrative (your personal motivations) and your external narrative (the story you present to others). Tailor your external narrative to highlight your competence, commitment, and compatibility.

The Hero's Journey. Frame your personal story as a Hero's Journey, highlighting your past experiences, present role, and future aspirations. This structure creates a compelling and memorable narrative that resonates with your audience.

Answering Key Questions. Prepare talking points to address common questions:

• "Tell me about yourself."
• "What brought you to our organization?"
• "What are you hoping to get out of this experience?"

6. Manage Your Appearance: Project Professionalism and Authenticity

Looking professional is all about finding the intersection of what’s appropriate to your workplace and what feels authentic to you.

Appropriateness and Authenticity. Projecting a professional image involves balancing workplace norms with your personal style. Observe your colleagues' attire and grooming choices to understand the unspoken dress code.

Reject, Embrace, or Bend the Rules. Decide which rules align with your values and which ones you're willing to challenge. Consider the potential consequences of each choice and prioritize authenticity while maintaining professionalism.

The Sacred Zone. Identify the aspects of your appearance that are non-negotiable and those that you're willing to compromise on. This framework helps you navigate workplace expectations while staying true to yourself.

7. Send the Right Signals: Align Intent and Impact

Managing misunderstandings is all about understanding your intent and controlling your impact.

Intent vs. Impact. Recognize that your intent (how you mean to come across) may not always align with your impact (how you are perceived). Be mindful of the signals you send through your communication, behavior, and appearance.

Email and Instant Messaging. Tailor your writing style to match your team's culture. Use clear, concise language and avoid typos. Be prompt in your responses and manage expectations regarding your availability.

Phone and Video Calls. Minimize distractions, be on time, and be polite. Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. Be mindful of your background and appearance during video calls.

8. Navigate Workplace Dynamics: Read Between the People

The most important people aren’t always at the top.

Hidden Relationships. Understanding the unspoken dynamics within your team is crucial for success. Identify the chain of command, the influencers, the swimlanes, the loyalties, and the comfort zones.

Identifying Key Players.

• Gatekeepers: Those who control access to senior leaders.
• Veterans: Those with deep institutional knowledge.
• Experts: Those with specialized skills and expertise.
• Socialites: Those who are well-connected and respected.
• Advisers: Those whose opinions are valued by senior leaders.

Respecting Boundaries. Be mindful of swimlanes and avoid overstepping. Keep people consulted and informed. Make others look and feel good.

9. Build Relationships: Engage, Ask, and Repeat

The first time you do anything is always uncomfortable. The second time is always easier.

Sparking Connections. Building relationships starts with small gestures. Acknowledge others' presence, offer a smile, or ask a simple question. Look for opportunities to connect with colleagues, whether in person or virtually.

Playing the Game. Engage in active listening, ask thoughtful questions, and share relevant information. Balance your speaking time and be mindful of your body language.

Sustaining Momentum. Follow up with colleagues after meetings or events. Share relevant articles or resources. Offer to help with projects. Look for opportunities to collaborate and build lasting connections.

10. Manage Feedback: Seek, Interpret, and Apply Constructively

To understand how you’re performing at work, you’ll need to get good at asking for, interpreting, and adapting to others’ feedback.

Decoding Feedback. Feedback can be direct or indirect, verbal or nonverbal. Learn to interpret subtle cues and understand the underlying message.

Seeking Feedback. Proactively ask for feedback from your manager and colleagues. Frame your requests in terms of your desire to improve and contribute to the team's success.

Applying Feedback. Embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth. Actively apply the suggestions you receive and report back on your progress.

11. Resolve Conflicts: Diagnose, Evaluate, and Act Tactfully

When things don’t go your way at work, you have three options: live with the situation, fix the situation, or leave the situation.

Diagnosing the Root Cause. When faced with a conflict, identify the underlying issue. Is it a people problem, a position problem, or a place problem?

Evaluating Your Options. Consider the pros and cons of each approach: fixing the situation, living with it, or leaving. Weigh the potential consequences and choose the path that aligns with your values and goals.

Fixing the Problem Tactfully. If you choose to fix the situation, approach the conversation with empathy and respect. Focus on finding solutions that benefit both parties.

12. Demonstrate Potential: Go Above and Beyond Your Role

You are evaluated based on both your performance (how effective you are in your current role) and your potential (how effective you can expect to be in your next role).

Performance vs. Potential. Promotions are based on both your current performance and your potential for future growth. Demonstrate your ability to excel in your current role while also showcasing your readiness for increased responsibility.

Finding Unoccupied Swimlanes. Identify areas where you can contribute beyond your assigned tasks. Look for opportunities to improve processes, solve problems, or bridge gaps between teams.

Asking for What You Want. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. Communicate your career goals to your manager and seek opportunities to develop your skills and expand your responsibilities.

Last updated: February 26, 2025