Facebook Pixel
Searching...
English
EnglishEnglish
EspañolSpanish
简体中文Chinese
FrançaisFrench
DeutschGerman
日本語Japanese
PortuguêsPortuguese
ItalianoItalian
한국어Korean
РусскийRussian
NederlandsDutch
العربيةArabic
PolskiPolish
हिन्दीHindi
Tiếng ViệtVietnamese
SvenskaSwedish
ΕλληνικάGreek
TürkçeTurkish
ไทยThai
ČeštinaCzech
RomânăRomanian
MagyarHungarian
УкраїнськаUkrainian
Bahasa IndonesiaIndonesian
DanskDanish
SuomiFinnish
БългарскиBulgarian
עבריתHebrew
NorskNorwegian
HrvatskiCroatian
CatalàCatalan
SlovenčinaSlovak
LietuviųLithuanian
SlovenščinaSlovenian
СрпскиSerbian
EestiEstonian
LatviešuLatvian
فارسیPersian
മലയാളംMalayalam
தமிழ்Tamil
اردوUrdu
NurtureShock

NurtureShock

New Thinking About Children
by Po Bronson 2008 336 pages
4.03
26k+ ratings
Listen
Listen to Summary

Key Takeaways

1. Praise effort, not intelligence, to foster resilience and growth

"When we praise children for their intelligence," Dweck wrote in her study summary, "we tell them that this is the name of the game: look smart, don't risk making mistakes."

Fixed vs. growth mindset. Praising children for being smart can inadvertently create a fixed mindset, where they believe intelligence is innate and unchangeable. This leads to fear of failure and avoidance of challenges. In contrast, praising effort and perseverance cultivates a growth mindset, encouraging children to embrace challenges and view failures as learning opportunities.

Impact on performance. Studies show that children praised for intelligence perform worse on subsequent tasks compared to those praised for effort. When faced with difficulty, "smart" kids often give up, while "hard-working" kids persist and improve. This difference in attitude can have long-lasting effects on academic achievement and personal development.

Key behaviors to encourage:

  • Embracing challenges
  • Persisting in the face of setbacks
  • Seeing effort as the path to mastery
  • Learning from criticism
  • Finding lessons and inspiration in others' success

2. Sleep deprivation significantly impairs children's cognitive development

"A loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to [the loss of] two years of cognitive maturation and development," Sadeh explained.

Academic performance. Sleep deprivation has a profound impact on children's cognitive abilities. Studies show that even a small reduction in sleep can lead to significant drops in academic performance, equivalent to a child performing two grade levels below their actual grade.

Long-term consequences. Chronic sleep deprivation in children is linked to:

  • Decreased attention span and focus
  • Impaired memory consolidation
  • Increased risk of obesity and diabetes
  • Higher rates of anxiety and depression
  • Behavioral problems and ADHD-like symptoms

To combat this, parents and schools should prioritize healthy sleep habits, including consistent bedtimes, screen-free wind-down routines, and later school start times for adolescents.

3. Discussing race openly with children promotes healthy attitudes

"I think it is fair to say that at no point in the study did the children exhibit the Rousseau-type of color-blindness that many adults expect."

Early awareness. Children notice racial differences from a very young age, typically around 6 months old. By age 3-5, they have already begun to form racial attitudes and biases. Ignoring these observations or adopting a "colorblind" approach does not prevent the development of prejudice.

Open dialogue. Instead of avoiding the topic, parents and educators should:

  • Acknowledge and discuss racial differences openly
  • Provide positive examples of diversity and inclusion
  • Address stereotypes and prejudices directly
  • Encourage cross-racial friendships and experiences

By fostering open conversations about race, adults can help children develop healthy, inclusive attitudes and combat the formation of unconscious biases.

4. Children's lying is a sign of cognitive development, not moral failure

"It's a developmental milestone," Talwar has concluded.

Cognitive complexity. Lying requires advanced cognitive skills, including:

  • Understanding another person's perspective
  • Creating and maintaining an alternative reality
  • Verbal and non-verbal control to sell the lie

As such, the ability to lie effectively often correlates with higher intelligence and social skills in children.

Parental response. Rather than focusing solely on punishment, parents should:

  • Recognize lying as a normal part of development
  • Create an environment where truth-telling feels safe
  • Praise honesty and reinforce its importance
  • Model truthful behavior themselves

By understanding the developmental aspects of lying, parents can guide children towards honesty while fostering their cognitive and social growth.

5. Early IQ tests poorly predict long-term academic potential

"Going to integrated schools gives you just as many chances to learn stereotypes as to unlearn them."

Limited predictive value. IQ tests administered to young children (preschool to early elementary) have surprisingly low correlations with later academic achievement. This is due to the rapid and uneven development of children's brains during these years.

Brain plasticity. Key factors affecting cognitive development include:

  • Myelination of neural pathways
  • Pruning of unused synapses
  • Shifts in brain regions used for different tasks

These processes continue well into adolescence, making early assessments unreliable for long-term predictions.

Instead of relying heavily on early IQ tests, educators and parents should focus on providing rich, stimulating environments and diverse learning opportunities throughout childhood and adolescence.

6. Sibling relationships shape social skills more than parental influence

"Fantasy play represents one of the highest levels of social involvement for young children."

Peer-like interactions. Sibling relationships provide a unique context for developing social skills, as they involve more peer-like interactions than parent-child relationships. These interactions foster skills such as:

  • Conflict resolution
  • Negotiation
  • Empathy
  • Emotional regulation

Long-term impact. The quality of sibling relationships in childhood is a strong predictor of social competence in adulthood. Positive sibling interactions teach children how to navigate complex social situations and maintain long-term relationships.

Parents can support healthy sibling relationships by:

  • Encouraging cooperative play
  • Teaching conflict resolution skills
  • Avoiding comparisons between siblings
  • Providing opportunities for shared experiences

7. Teenage rebellion is often a sign of respect, not disrespect

"The popular image of the individual sulking in the wake of a family argument may be a more accurate portrayal of the emotional state of the parent, than the teenager."

Negotiating autonomy. Teenage rebellion is often a way for adolescents to assert their growing independence and negotiate new boundaries. Arguing with parents can be seen as a sign of engagement and a desire for mutual understanding, rather than pure defiance.

Productive conflict. Research shows that moderate levels of parent-teen conflict are associated with better adjustment than either no conflict or frequent conflict. Productive arguments can:

  • Improve communication skills
  • Develop critical thinking
  • Foster emotional intelligence
  • Lead to more balanced family dynamics

Parents can support this process by:

  • Listening actively to teens' perspectives
  • Being willing to negotiate and compromise
  • Setting clear, reasonable boundaries
  • Modeling respectful disagreement

8. Self-control in early childhood predicts later success

"Self-control can be as powerful, and at times more powerful, than IQ."

Marshmallow test. The famous "marshmallow test" and subsequent longitudinal studies have shown that children who can delay gratification at a young age tend to have better life outcomes, including:

  • Higher academic achievement
  • Better social skills
  • Lower rates of substance abuse
  • Higher income in adulthood

Teachable skill. Self-control is not fixed; it can be taught and improved. Effective strategies include:

  • Breaking large tasks into smaller, manageable steps
  • Using visual aids to track progress
  • Practicing mindfulness and meditation
  • Creating environments that support good habits

By fostering self-control in early childhood, parents and educators can set children up for long-term success across various life domains.

9. Aggression in children can be a tool for social dominance

"Aggression comes as 'early adolescents are discovering themselves. They're learning about coolness—how to be attractive to other people.'"

Social strategy. Contrary to popular belief, aggression in children is often not a sign of poor social skills, but a strategic tool for gaining social status. "Popular" children frequently use a mix of prosocial and aggressive behaviors to maintain their position.

Types of aggression:

  • Physical (hitting, pushing)
  • Verbal (insults, threats)
  • Relational (exclusion, gossip)

Addressing aggression. Instead of focusing solely on eliminating aggressive behaviors, adults should:

  • Teach children alternative ways to assert themselves
  • Foster empathy and perspective-taking
  • Promote inclusive social environments
  • Recognize and reward prosocial leadership behaviors

By understanding the social functions of aggression, parents and educators can more effectively guide children towards positive social interactions.

10. Language development depends on responsive parent-child interactions

"When parents see development in their kids, they are only seeing the output—not the mechanisms underneath."

Responsive interactions. The key to early language development is not the sheer volume of words a child hears, but the quality of back-and-forth interactions with caregivers. Responsive parenting involves:

  • Noticing and responding to a child's vocalizations
  • Engaging in "serve and return" conversations
  • Using gestures and facial expressions to enhance communication
  • Following the child's lead in topics of interest

Critical periods. Language development is most rapid in the first few years of life. During this time, children's brains are particularly receptive to linguistic input. Key milestones include:

  • Babbling (6-8 months)
  • First words (12-18 months)
  • Two-word combinations (18-24 months)
  • Complex sentences (3-5 years)

Parents can support language development by creating a rich, interactive linguistic environment, focusing on quality interactions rather than rote repetition or passive exposure to language.

Last updated:

FAQ

What's Nurture Shock about?

  • Explores child development science: Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman examines the latest research on child development, challenging conventional parenting wisdom.
  • Focuses on surprising findings: The book presents research that contradicts common beliefs about child-rearing, covering topics like praise, sleep, and race.
  • Encourages rethinking parenting: It argues that many modern parenting strategies backfire due to overlooked scientific insights, urging parents to think differently about nurturing their children.

Why should I read Nurture Shock?

  • Informed parenting decisions: The book provides evidence-based insights that can lead to more effective parenting strategies.
  • Challenges conventional wisdom: It encourages questioning long-held beliefs about parenting, such as the effectiveness of praising intelligence.
  • Wide-ranging topics: Covers subjects like sleep, self-control, sibling dynamics, and racial attitudes, making it a comprehensive resource.

What are the key takeaways of Nurture Shock?

  • Praise can backfire: Praising intelligence can lead to a fear of failure, while praising effort encourages resilience.
  • Sleep is crucial: Lack of sleep negatively impacts cognitive and emotional well-being, contributing to issues like ADHD and obesity.
  • Racial awareness develops early: Children notice race and form biases at a young age, highlighting the need for open conversations about race.

What are the best quotes from Nurture Shock and what do they mean?

  • “The intent of this book is not to be alarmist, but to teach us to think differently.”: Encourages a science-based approach to parenting.
  • “When we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them that this is the name of the game: look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.”: Highlights the negative effects of praising intelligence.
  • “Sleep is a biological imperative for every species on earth.”: Emphasizes the fundamental need for sleep in children’s development.

How does Nurture Shock address the issue of praise?

  • Praise for effort over intelligence: Encourages resilience and a growth mindset by focusing on effort rather than innate intelligence.
  • Research findings: Children praised for effort are more likely to take on challenges and persist.
  • Long-term implications: Shifting the focus of praise helps develop a healthier self-image and positive attitude toward learning.

What does Nurture Shock say about the importance of sleep for children?

  • Sleep deprivation consequences: Lack of sleep leads to cognitive deficits, emotional instability, and increased risk of obesity.
  • Research support: Studies show a direct correlation between sleep duration and academic performance.
  • Call to action: Urges parents to prioritize sleep and advocate for later school start times.

How does Nurture Shock explain why kids lie?

  • Lying as a developmental milestone: Reflects growing cognitive abilities and understanding of social dynamics.
  • Motivations for lying: Often to avoid punishment or maintain a positive image with parents.
  • Parental responses: Suggests addressing underlying reasons for lying and teaching honesty.

What insights does Nurture Shock provide about race and children?

  • Early racial awareness: Children notice race and form biases early, often before parents address the topic.
  • Impact of parental silence: Reluctance to talk about race can lead to misconceptions and biases.
  • Research findings: Open discussions about race lead to more positive attitudes toward diversity.

How does Nurture Shock suggest self-control can be taught?

  • Tools of the Mind program: Focuses on developing self-regulation and executive function in preschoolers.
  • Importance of executive function: Linked to managing attention, inhibiting impulses, and setting goals.
  • Long-term benefits: Fostering self-control leads to better academic and social outcomes.

What does Nurture Shock say about aggression in children?

  • Reevaluating aggression sources: Suggests aggression is influenced by media exposure and peer interactions, not just home environment.
  • Relational aggression: Involves social manipulation and exclusion, often learned through media.
  • Parental influence: Constructive conflict resolution can teach valuable social skills.

How does Nurture Shock address the topic of parental conflict and its impact on children?

  • Children as observers: Learn about conflict resolution from parents' interactions.
  • Resolution matters: Positive conflict resolution can benefit children's emotional development.
  • Parental behavior influence: Encourages modeling healthy conflict resolution strategies.

What does Nurture Shock say about the role of praise in child development?

  • Praise's negative effects: Excessive praise can undermine motivation and lead to fear of failure.
  • Types of praise: Process-oriented praise is more beneficial for fostering resilience.
  • Recommendations for parents: Focus on effort and improvement rather than innate ability.

Review Summary

4.03 out of 5
Average of 26k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

NurtureShock challenges conventional parenting wisdom with research-based insights. Readers appreciate its eye-opening approach to topics like praise, sleep, race, lying, and teen rebellion. Many find the book thought-provoking and influential, praising its accessible presentation of scientific studies. Some critics argue the conclusions are oversimplified or lack nuance. Overall, most reviewers recommend it as an engaging read that offers valuable perspectives on child development, though some caution against taking every claim at face value.

Your rating:

About the Author

Po Bronson is a versatile writer known for both fiction and narrative nonfiction. He has authored five books, including the bestseller "What Should I Do With My Life?". Bronson's work has appeared in major publications like Time, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. He regularly contributes to New York magazine and The Guardian. Bronson has gained recognition through television appearances and magazine covers. He co-founded The San Francisco Writer's Grotto and has served on the board of Consortium Book Sales & Distribution. Bronson resides in San Francisco with his family and continues to engage in public speaking events.

Download EPUB

To read this NurtureShock summary on your e-reader device or app, download the free EPUB. The .epub digital book format is ideal for reading ebooks on phones, tablets, and e-readers.
Download EPUB
File size: 2.95 MB     Pages: 10
0:00
-0:00
1x
Dan
Andrew
Michelle
Lauren
Select Speed
1.0×
+
200 words per minute
Create a free account to unlock:
Requests: Request new book summaries
Bookmarks: Save your favorite books
History: Revisit books later
Recommendations: Get personalized suggestions
Ratings: Rate books & see your ratings
Try Full Access for 7 Days
Listen, bookmark, and more
Compare Features Free Pro
📖 Read Summaries
All summaries are free to read in 40 languages
🎧 Listen to Summaries
Listen to unlimited summaries in 40 languages
❤️ Unlimited Bookmarks
Free users are limited to 10
📜 Unlimited History
Free users are limited to 10
Risk-Free Timeline
Today: Get Instant Access
Listen to full summaries of 73,530 books. That's 12,000+ hours of audio!
Day 4: Trial Reminder
We'll send you a notification that your trial is ending soon.
Day 7: Your subscription begins
You'll be charged on Mar 22,
cancel anytime before.
Consume 2.8x More Books
2.8x more books Listening Reading
Our users love us
100,000+ readers
"...I can 10x the number of books I can read..."
"...exceptionally accurate, engaging, and beautifully presented..."
"...better than any amazon review when I'm making a book-buying decision..."
Save 62%
Yearly
$119.88 $44.99/year
$3.75/mo
Monthly
$9.99/mo
Try Free & Unlock
7 days free, then $44.99/year. Cancel anytime.
Settings
Appearance
Black Friday Sale 🎉
$20 off Lifetime Access
$79.99 $59.99
Upgrade Now →