Negotiating the Impossible

1. Control the frame to shape perceptions and decisions

The frame that takes hold will shape how negotiators make decisions, evaluate options, and decide what is acceptable.

Frame the negotiation. How you articulate or structure proposals can be as important as their substance. Effective negotiators control the psychological lens through which issues are viewed. This influences how people perceive each other, the issues, and available options.

Reframe to overcome resistance. If an existing frame is disadvantageous, seek to reframe as soon as possible. For example:

• Present your proposal as the default option
• Establish a proper reference point for evaluations
• Leverage social proof to boost appropriateness
• Split one divisive issue into multiple issues
• Use strategic ambiguity when neither side can back down

Make it easier to back down. Help the other side save face when conceding. Label your concessions to shape how they're perceived. Give the other side a face-saving way to return to the table after a setback. Avoid forcing people to choose between smart decisions and saving face.

2. Negotiate process before substance to avoid deadlock

Have a process strategy: how will you get from where you are today to where you want to be?

Process shapes outcomes. The process of negotiation - how you'll get from where you are to where you want to be - is as important as the substance. Negotiate the process before diving into substantive discussions. This includes:

• Who will be involved and in what capacity
• What will be on the agenda and in what order
• How decisions will be made
• Timelines and milestones

Align on process. Ensure there's agreement about what has been accomplished and the path ahead. Seek clarity and commitment on process, even if you can't shape it. Normalize the process by explaining what to expect, including potential setbacks.

Be prepared. Thorough preparation on both process and substance is crucial. Know the facts, anticipate arguments, and understand your weaknesses. Be logistically, politically, and psychologically ready to seize opportunities when they arise.

3. Preserve forward momentum in long-term negotiations

Preserve forward momentum. How will pursuing near-term advantage affect future engagement?

Take a long-term view. In protracted conflicts or ongoing relationships, it's crucial to preserve forward momentum - the gradual progress towards eliminating obstacles and creating conditions for success. Avoid tactics that sacrifice long-term progress for short-term gains.

Balance consensus and progress. While consensus has merits, it can stifle progress by giving everyone veto power. Consider alternatives:

• Sufficient consensus: Require high but not unanimous support
• Low bar for progress, high bar for final agreement
• "Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed"

Stay engaged. Maintain channels of communication, even after failed negotiations. This sustains relationships, improves understanding, and creates opportunities to reengage. Beware the tendency to underinvest in relationship maintenance during periods of relative peace.

4. Leverage the power of empathy to expand options

Empathy expands the set of options you have for resolving the conflict. The better you understand the other side's perspective, the more likely you are to find a solution.

Empathize strategically. Empathy isn't about being nice - it's about understanding the other side's motivations, interests, and constraints. This expands your options for resolving disputes and reaching better agreements. Empathy is most needed when dealing with those who seem to deserve it least.

Consider all explanations. Don't assume incompetence or ill intent. Explore all potential reasons for the other side's behavior. Audit the psychological, structural, and tactical barriers that may obstruct deal-making.

Key empathy tactics:

• Create slack to accommodate mistakes and misunderstandings
• Ignore or reframe ultimatums
• Yield to the other side's perspective when necessary
• Bridge competing perspectives

5. Map out the negotiation space to understand all parties

Map out the negotiation space. Your strategy should take into account all parties who can influence the deal or who are influenced by the deal.

Think trilaterally. Consider not just your relationship with the party across the table, but how third parties influence the interests, constraints, and alternatives of those at the table. This expands your strategic options.

Conduct ICAP analysis. For all relevant parties, assess:

• Interests: What do they value? What are their priorities?
• Constraints: What can/can't they do? Where's their flexibility?
• Alternatives: What happens if there's no deal?
• Perspective: How do they see this deal? What's their mindset?

Leverage third parties. Consider how to use third-party influence:

• Static: How does their existence impact the negotiation?
• Dynamic: How is their influence changing over time?
• Strategic: How can we engage them to shape the negotiation?

6. Create value by seeing others as partners, not opponents

See the other side as your partner, not your opponent, regardless of the type or degree of conflict. It is hard to empathize or collaborate with "opponents."

Shift perspective. Even in conflicts, see the other side as a partner rather than an opponent. This mindset makes it easier to empathize, find common ground, and explore collaborative solutions.

Focus on value creation. Ask: What would be the value-maximizing outcome? Are there ways to create value? This shifts attention from zero-sum thinking to identifying mutually beneficial solutions.

Imagine possibilities. When facing intransigence, ask the other side: "Imagine a world where this would be possible. Now paint me a picture." This helps uncover underlying interests and obstacles that can potentially be addressed.

7. Overcome divergent perspectives through understanding

Protracted conflicts cannot be resolved without genuine efforts to understand the deep-seated forces that legitimize each side's perspective and behavior.

Recognize social construction. Identities, interests, and conflict narratives are socially constructed. Each side sees its perspective as moral while viewing others with suspicion. Understanding this can inject humility and respect into negotiations.

Bridge narratives. Acknowledge competing historical narratives without asking people to forget the past. Help parties find value-creating ways to apply lessons from history to current issues.

Key principles:

• Avoid asking for sacred concessions as preconditions
• Recognize that history begins at different times for different people
• Don't let fear dictate your response to human interaction problems

Sustained vigilance. Be prepared for unexpected issues, even seemingly trivial ones, to threaten deals. Apply negotiation principles flexibly as events unfold in real-time. Focus on mastering broad principles rather than specific tactics.

Last updated: March 3, 2025