Humans of New York

1. Humans crave connection and understanding.

I see something in animals that I don’t see in humans. They have a focus and energy that humans don’t have. They just want to live. They aren’t trying to impress anyone. They aren’t trying to hurt anyone for no reason. Even the rat you see in the subway—his only thought is finding the food he needs to survive. Animals only want to live. It’s humans that demand more than they need.

Desire for connection. The book highlights the fundamental human need to connect with others, to be seen, heard, and understood. People share their stories, often deeply personal, seeking validation and a sense of belonging in a world that can feel isolating. This connection can be found in family, friends, or even strangers who offer a listening ear.

Understanding others. The stories shared reveal a desire to bridge the gap between individual experiences. By sharing their struggles, triumphs, and vulnerabilities, people invite others to empathize and gain a deeper understanding of the human condition. This understanding fosters compassion and breaks down barriers of prejudice and judgment.

Animals vs. Humans. The quote highlights a longing for the simplicity and authenticity observed in animals, contrasting it with the complexities and often self-serving behaviors of humans. This yearning for genuine connection underscores the importance of empathy and understanding in human relationships.

2. Life's complexities are universal, yet deeply personal.

The amplitudes of life get smaller as you age. There are less and less things to experience for the first time. And each time you experience something, you don’t get quite as excited. But you don’t get quite as hurt, either. I wonder what it will feel like when I’m seventy . . .

Shared experiences. The book demonstrates that many human experiences are universal, such as love, loss, fear, and hope. People from diverse backgrounds share similar struggles and aspirations, highlighting the common threads that connect us all. Recognizing these shared experiences can foster a sense of solidarity and reduce feelings of isolation.

Unique perspectives. While experiences may be universal, the way individuals navigate them is deeply personal. Each person's story is shaped by their unique circumstances, beliefs, and values. The book celebrates this diversity of perspectives, showcasing the richness and complexity of the human experience.

Aging and experience. The quote reflects on the changing nature of experience as one ages, suggesting a trade-off between the intensity of emotions and the accumulation of wisdom. This contemplation invites reflection on the value of both youthful exuberance and the tempered perspective that comes with time.

3. Resilience is found in unexpected places.

I was sexually abused between the ages of eight and twelve. But honestly, I don’t even like to talk about it anymore, because I’ve finally gotten to the point where it no longer defines me. For a long time I saw myself as a victim, but I’ve moved past that. I’m in a place now where I realize that my life is mine to create and enjoy, and that my future will be the result of the decisions that I make.

Overcoming adversity. Many stories in the book showcase the remarkable capacity of individuals to overcome adversity. From dealing with poverty and addiction to surviving abuse and loss, people demonstrate incredible resilience in the face of challenging circumstances. These stories offer hope and inspiration, reminding us that it is possible to heal and rebuild after trauma.

Finding strength. Resilience is not always about grand gestures or heroic acts. It is often found in the small, everyday choices people make to keep moving forward. It is about finding strength in community, faith, or personal determination. The book highlights the diverse ways in which people cultivate resilience and find meaning in their lives.

Defining oneself. The quote emphasizes the power of self-definition in overcoming trauma. By refusing to be defined by past experiences, individuals can reclaim their agency and create a future of their own choosing. This act of self-determination is a testament to the human spirit's capacity for healing and growth.

4. Guilt and regret shape our present.

What do you feel most guilty about in life? Lying about my eating disorder. Telling my parents I was fine when I really wasn’t.

Lingering emotions. The book explores the powerful impact of guilt and regret on people's lives. Past actions and decisions can haunt individuals, shaping their present behavior and relationships. These emotions can serve as a reminder of past mistakes and a motivation to make amends or live differently.

Seeking forgiveness. Many stories involve individuals grappling with guilt and seeking forgiveness, either from themselves or others. This process of seeking redemption can be transformative, leading to healing and a renewed sense of purpose. The book highlights the importance of acknowledging past wrongs and taking steps to repair the damage they have caused.

Honesty and trust. The quote underscores the burden of guilt associated with dishonesty, particularly in relationships with loved ones. This highlights the importance of open communication and trust in maintaining healthy connections and avoiding the long-term consequences of deception.

5. Love and relationships are multifaceted.

She’s always been very accepting and patient with my trust issues. I’ve always had a hard time getting close. But no matter how many times I doubted, she just kept saying: ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

Complex dynamics. The book portrays love and relationships in all their complexity. From romantic partnerships and familial bonds to friendships and casual encounters, the stories reveal the joys, challenges, and nuances of human connection. These relationships are often messy, imperfect, and filled with both love and conflict.

Unconditional support. The book emphasizes the importance of acceptance, patience, and unwavering support in relationships. The quote exemplifies the power of unconditional love in overcoming personal challenges and building strong, lasting bonds. This kind of support can be transformative, allowing individuals to heal and grow within the context of a loving relationship.

Commitment and trust. The quote highlights the significance of commitment and trust in navigating the complexities of relationships. By consistently reassuring and supporting their partner, individuals can foster a sense of security and build a foundation for long-term connection.

6. Faith and belief provide solace and conflict.

I’ve been a deep believer my whole life. Eighteen years as a Southern Baptist. More than forty years as a mainline Protestant. I’m an ordained pastor. But it’s just stopped making sense to me.

Source of comfort. For many, faith and belief provide a source of comfort, guidance, and meaning in life. The book showcases the diverse ways in which people find solace in religion, spirituality, or personal philosophies. These beliefs can offer hope in times of hardship and a sense of connection to something larger than oneself.

Internal struggles. The book also explores the internal conflicts that can arise when faith is challenged or questioned. The quote reflects the struggle of reconciling deeply held beliefs with personal experiences and observations of the world. This questioning can lead to a crisis of faith, but also to a deeper understanding of oneself and one's values.

Questioning faith. The quote highlights the courage it takes to question long-held beliefs, even when those beliefs have been a source of comfort and identity. This questioning can lead to a more authentic and personal understanding of faith, or to a complete departure from traditional religious frameworks.

7. The search for identity is a lifelong journey.

I’m trying to write a book based on myself, but I keep changing.

Evolving self. The book illustrates that the search for identity is a continuous process, not a fixed destination. People evolve over time, shaped by their experiences, relationships, and personal growth. This ongoing evolution can be both exciting and unsettling, as individuals grapple with changing values, beliefs, and aspirations.

Self-discovery. The book emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and exploration in the search for identity. By examining their past, present, and future, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of who they are and what they want to become. This process of self-discovery can be challenging, but ultimately leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Constant change. The quote captures the fluid nature of identity, suggesting that self-understanding is an ongoing project rather than a fixed state. This highlights the importance of embracing change and allowing oneself to evolve over time, rather than clinging to a rigid or outdated sense of self.

8. Vulnerability fosters genuine connection.

This is getting too personal.

Breaking down barriers. The book demonstrates the power of vulnerability in fostering genuine connection. By sharing their fears, insecurities, and struggles, people invite others to see them as they truly are, flaws and all. This vulnerability creates a space for empathy, understanding, and authentic connection.

Building trust. Sharing personal stories requires courage and trust. The book highlights the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment where people feel comfortable being vulnerable. When individuals feel accepted and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their true selves.

Fear of exposure. The quote reflects the inherent risk involved in vulnerability, highlighting the fear of judgment or rejection that can prevent people from sharing their true selves. Overcoming this fear is essential for building meaningful connections and fostering a sense of belonging.

9. Everyone has a story worth telling.

It’s important to always have people who remember you at various stages of your life. It’s especially important as you get older, because there are less of those people around. And they remind you who you are.

Value of narratives. The book celebrates the inherent value of every individual's story. Whether ordinary or extraordinary, each person's experiences offer a unique perspective on the human condition. By sharing these stories, we can learn from each other, gain new insights, and foster a deeper appreciation for the diversity of human life.

Remembering and being remembered. The book emphasizes the importance of preserving memories and honoring the stories of those who came before us. The quote highlights the value of having people in our lives who can remind us of our past and help us maintain a sense of continuity and identity.

Life stages. The quote underscores the significance of having connections to people from different periods of our lives, as they provide a valuable perspective on our personal growth and evolution. These connections help us to remember who we are and where we came from, especially as we age and face new challenges.

10. New York City is a microcosm of the human experience.

When you live here, you don’t have too many fears. You’ve seen pretty much everything that life can throw at you.

Diversity and extremes. New York City serves as a microcosm of the human experience, bringing together people from all walks of life, cultures, and backgrounds. The city's vibrant energy, constant change, and extreme contrasts create a unique environment where anything is possible. Living in New York City exposes individuals to a wide range of experiences, both positive and negative, shaping their perspectives and resilience.

Testing ground. The book suggests that living in New York City can be a transformative experience, pushing individuals to their limits and forcing them to confront their fears and insecurities. The city's challenges can foster resilience, adaptability, and a deeper understanding of oneself and the world.

Preparedness. The quote reflects the sense of preparedness that comes from living in a city where one has witnessed a wide range of human experiences. This exposure can desensitize individuals to fear and foster a sense of confidence in their ability to navigate life's challenges.

Last updated: February 28, 2025