How to Pray

1. Prayer is a personal encounter with God, not a mechanical operation

"Prayer is either a sheer illusion or a personal contact between embryonic, incomplete persons (ourselves) and the utterly concrete Person."

Prayer as relationship. At its core, prayer is about developing a personal relationship with God. It's not about reciting formulaic phrases or performing rituals, but about engaging in genuine communication with the divine. This involves:

• Honesty: Bringing our true thoughts and feelings to God
• Listening: Being open to God's response, which may come in unexpected ways
• Vulnerability: Allowing ourselves to be known by God

Beyond petitions. While asking for things is part of prayer, it's not the entirety of it. Prayer also includes:

• Adoration: Expressing love and awe for God
• Confession: Acknowledging our faults and shortcomings
• Thanksgiving: Expressing gratitude for God's blessings
• Contemplation: Simply being in God's presence

2. The efficacy of prayer cannot be empirically proven, but is a matter of faith

"The efficacy of prayer, therefore, cannot be either asserted or denied without an exercise of the will—the will choosing or rejecting faith in the light of a whole philosophy."

Faith over empiricism. The effectiveness of prayer can't be scientifically measured or proven. This is because:

• Spiritual realities transcend physical measurements
• God's responses may not always align with our expectations
• The impact of prayer often occurs in subtle, internal ways

Personal experience matters. While we can't objectively prove prayer's efficacy, many find compelling evidence in their own lives:

• Answered prayers (though not always in expected ways)
• Inner peace and clarity gained through prayer
• Strengthened relationships and community
• Personal transformation and growth

It's important to approach prayer with an open mind and heart, recognizing that its value often lies beyond what can be empirically verified.

3. Our prayers should reflect our true selves, not just what we think we ought to say

"The prayer preceding all prayers is 'May it be the real I who speaks. May it be the real Thou that I speak to.'"

Authenticity in prayer. God desires our genuine selves, not a polished or pretend version:

• Be honest about doubts, fears, and struggles
• Express real emotions, even difficult ones like anger or disappointment
• Avoid using overly formal or distant language that doesn't reflect your true voice

Overcoming barriers. Several things can prevent us from being authentic in prayer:

• Fear of judgment or punishment
• Misconceptions about what God expects
• Habit of presenting a "perfect" image

To overcome these, focus on:

• Reminding yourself of God's unconditional love
• Practicing vulnerability in small steps
• Reflecting on times when honesty in prayer has been meaningful

4. Prayer is not about changing God's will, but aligning ourselves with it

"His will, not as a mere sentiment but as an operative principle, must become to us a second nature."

Understanding God's will. Prayer isn't about persuading God to do what we want, but about:

• Seeking to understand God's perspective
• Aligning our desires with God's purposes
• Submitting to God's wisdom, even when it's difficult

The transformative power of prayer. As we pray, we are changed:

• Our priorities shift to align more closely with God's
• We gain clarity about our role in God's plan
• Our character is shaped to be more Christ-like

This doesn't mean we shouldn't make requests in prayer, but that we should hold those requests loosely, always with the attitude of "Thy will be done."

5. Regular prayer practice deepens our relationship with God, even in times of dryness

"We all go through periods of dryness in our prayers, don't we? I doubt whether they are necessarily a bad symptom."

Consistency matters. Regular prayer, even when it feels unproductive, is crucial for spiritual growth:

• It builds spiritual discipline
• It demonstrates faithfulness in difficult times
• It allows for unexpected moments of insight or connection

Dealing with dryness. When prayer feels lifeless or difficult:

• Remember that emotions are not always indicators of spiritual reality
• Focus on showing up, rather than on feeling a certain way
• Experiment with different forms of prayer (e.g., silent meditation, journaling, nature walks)
• Be patient and trust that seasons of richness will return

6. Praying for others and with the Church strengthens our faith community

"All our prayers are united with Christ's perpetual prayer and are part of the Church's prayer."

The power of intercessory prayer. Praying for others:

• Demonstrates love and care for our neighbors
• Reminds us of our interconnectedness as the body of Christ
• Can have powerful effects, both seen and unseen

Praying with the Church. Engaging in communal prayer practices:

• Connects us to the broader Christian tradition
• Provides structure and support for personal prayer life
• Reminds us that we're part of something larger than ourselves

Ways to engage in communal prayer:

• Participate in liturgical worship
• Use prayer books or common prayers
• Join prayer groups or prayer chains
• Pray with family or friends

7. In times of grief and suffering, prayer can be a source of comfort and understanding

"Not my idea of God, but God. Not my idea of H., but H. Yes, and also not my idea of my neighbour, but my neighbour."

Honesty in suffering. When facing grief or pain, it's important to:

• Bring raw emotions to God in prayer
• Avoid platitudes or forced positivity
• Allow space for questions and doubt

Finding comfort. Prayer in difficult times can provide:

• A sense of God's presence, even when not felt emotionally
• Perspective on suffering within a larger framework of faith
• Connection to others who have faced similar struggles

Growth through adversity. While suffering is not good in itself, prayer can help us:

• Find meaning in difficult experiences
• Develop resilience and strength of character
• Deepen our empathy and compassion for others

8. Prayer involves both petition and submission to God's wisdom

"We must not picture destiny as a film unrolling for the most part on its own, but in which our prayers are sometimes allowed to insert additional items."

Balance in prayer. Effective prayer involves:

• Making specific requests (petition)
• Trusting God's wisdom and timing (submission)

Understanding God's responses. When we pray, God may:

• Grant our request as asked
• Answer in a different way than expected
• Seem to say "no" or "wait"

In all cases, we trust that God is working for our ultimate good and the good of creation, even if we don't understand how.

Growing in discernment. As we pray, we learn to:

• Distinguish between our wants and our needs
• Recognize God's guidance in various circumstances
• Trust God's character even when outcomes are unclear

9. The joy and delight in God expressed in the Psalms can inspire our own prayers

"These poets knew far less reason than we for loving God. They did not know that He offered them eternal joy; still less that He would die to win it for them. Yet they express a longing for Him, for His mere presence, which comes only to the best Christians or to Christians in their best moments."

Rediscovering joy in prayer. The Psalms teach us to:

• Express genuine delight in God's presence
• Approach prayer with enthusiasm and energy
• Celebrate God's character and actions

Balancing joy and reverence. While maintaining respect for God's holiness, we can:

• Use expressive language in prayer
• Incorporate music and movement in worship
• Allow for spontaneity and creativity in our prayer life

Learning from ancient wisdom. The Psalms provide:

• A model for honest, emotional prayer
• Language to express a wide range of human experiences
• A reminder of the centrality of joy in the life of faith

By studying and praying the Psalms, we can enrich our own prayer lives and deepen our relationship with God.

Last updated: February 24, 2025