He Comes Next

1. Unlock Male Pleasure by Dismantling His Defenses

In this sense, every man is a knight in shining—or not-so-shining—armor.

Physical and Psychological Armor. Men often unconsciously protect their pelvic region, creating tension that inhibits sexual experience. This "armor" is both physical (tight muscles) and psychological (fear of vulnerability). Understanding this defensiveness is the first step to unlocking deeper pleasure.

Open His Pelvis. Help him relax and release tension in his pelvic area through massage, stretching, and mindful breathing. This can improve blood flow and increase sensitivity. Encourage him to let go of control and embrace vulnerability.

Beyond the Penis. Expand his awareness beyond the penis to include the entire pelvic region, including the perineum, testicles, and even the anal area. These areas are rich with nerve endings and can be sources of intense pleasure when approached with sensitivity and respect.

2. Desire is More Than Just a Starting Point; It's the Whole Journey

Desire doesn’t just give rise to sex; desire is borne of sex as well.

Desire is Dynamic. Don't treat desire as a simple on/off switch. It's a continuous process that evolves throughout the sexual experience and beyond. Cultivate desire through anticipation, novelty, and emotional connection.

Beyond the Orgasm. Shift the focus from the destination (orgasm) to the journey (pleasure). Encourage him to savor each sensation and appreciate the entire experience, not just the end result. This can involve slowing down, exploring different types of touch, and engaging his senses.

Erotic Glue. Desire is the "erotic glue" that binds sexual encounters together. It's the anticipation before, the connection during, and the lingering satisfaction afterward. Nurture desire through ongoing communication, shared fantasies, and acts of affection.

3. Master the Three Types of Erections to Maximize Arousal

Did you know that all men experience three different types of erections? Count’em: three.

Psychogenic, Reflex, and Nocturnal. Understanding the different types of erections—brain-driven (psychogenic), touch-triggered (reflex), and sleep-related (nocturnal)—is key to maximizing arousal. Boredom often stems from a lack of fresh psychogenic stimuli.

Tap into Reflex Arousal. Even when desire is low, physical stimulation can spark arousal. Don't underestimate the power of touch to ignite his libido. Use massage, sensual caresses, and playful teasing to awaken his senses.

Morning Glory. Take advantage of nocturnal erections as a starting point for intimacy. If he wakes up with an erection, initiate physical contact and let arousal build from there. This can be a great way to break out of a sex rut.

4. Tap into the Brain's Natural Sex Stimulants for Hotter Sex

Dopamine, thy name is persistence.

Dopamine is Key. Dopamine, a natural amphetamine, plays a crucial role in sexual arousal and goal attainment. Stimulate dopamine release through novelty, excitement, and delayed gratification.

The Thrill of the Chase. Reintroduce elements of pursuit and anticipation into your relationship. Create opportunities for playful teasing, flirtation, and mild risk-taking. Absence can make the heart (and brain) grow fonder.

Beyond Routine. Break free from predictable sex scripts and routines. Introduce new activities, locations, and fantasies to keep things fresh and exciting. Variety is the spice of life, and the lifeblood of great sex.

5. Fantasy is the Engine of Desire: Explore His Unique Love Map

Fantasy is both the engine of desire and the lubricant of arousal.

Unleash the Power of Imagination. Fantasy is what makes each sexual experience unique. Encourage him to share his secret desires and explore his "love map"—the subconscious blueprint of his erotic preferences.

Break Free from Porn. While porn can be a quick fix, it often obscures the development of a personal love map. Encourage him to tap into his own imagination and explore his unique turn-ons.

Safe Exploration. Create a safe space for him to express his fantasies without judgment. This can involve sharing your own fantasies, role-playing, or simply discussing his desires in a non-threatening way.

6. Fitness Fuels Desire: Prioritize His Sexual Health

In fact, just the opposite is true: being healthy allows you to have as much sex as you want.

Health and Libido. Sexual health is closely linked to overall physical well-being. Encourage him to exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, manage stress, and get enough sleep.

Exercise as Foreplay. Aerobic exercise boosts blood flow and releases endorphins, both of which enhance sexual arousal. Suggest a workout together before a romantic evening.

Holistic Approach. Address underlying health issues that may be affecting his libido, such as obesity, high cholesterol, or depression. A holistic approach to health can lead to a more fulfilling sex life.

7. Foreplay is a State of Mind, Not Just a Physical Prelude

Foreplay happens outside the bedroom.

Beyond the Dictionary Definition. Foreplay is more than just physical stimulation before intercourse. It's a state of mind, a way of infusing your relationship with eros and anticipation.

Decouple Foreplay and Sex. Foreplay doesn't always have to lead to intercourse or orgasm. Sometimes, the pleasure is in the anticipation and connection, not the culmination.

Eroticize Daily Life. Integrate sensuality and flirtation into your everyday interactions. A playful touch, a suggestive whisper, or a shared fantasy can keep the spark alive outside the bedroom.

8. Embrace "Extreme Foreplay" to Reignite the Spark

I want you to get ready to whisper in your lover’s ear all the dirty little secrets you’ve never dared to share with anyone else before and reignite that extraordinary sense of youthful wonder and surprise that embodies truly great sex.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone. Take "safe risks" by exploring new and exciting sexual experiences together. This can involve sharing secret fantasies, trying new positions, or experimenting with role-playing.

The "I Want" Exercise. Encourage him to express his deepest desires without judgment. This can be a powerful way to unlock new levels of intimacy and excitement.

Novelty and Excitement. The key to "extreme foreplay" is to introduce elements of surprise, novelty, and mystery into your sex life. This can help reignite the passion and excitement of a new relationship.

9. Become a Modern White Tigress: Empower Your Sexuality

To her, sex means recreating [youthful] feelings of adventure, romance and playfulness….

Embrace Your Inner Tigress. Adopt the mindset of a White Tigress, a woman who practices disciplined sexual practices for her own health, youthfulness, and rejuvenation.

Green and Jade Dragons. Learn to identify and fulfill his different needs. Be his "Green Dragon" by using him for your own pleasure, and his "Jade Dragon" by engaging in mutually beneficial sexual practices.

Prioritize Pleasure. Make sex a critical and essential component of your life. Allot plenty of time and a revered place in your busy lives solely for exploring and experiencing sexual pleasure together.

10. Hands-On Heat: Master the Art of Manual Stimulation

The male propensity to objectify body parts stands in marked contrast to women.

Beyond Rhythmic Stroking. Learn the art of manual stimulation by understanding his unique arousal process. Start with gentle, unfocused touch and gradually build to more intense rhythmic strokes.

The Four-Part Process. Master the four phases of manual stimulation: filling, grasping and clasping, stroking and squeezing to ejaculatory inevitability, and stroking and squeezing through orgasm and ejaculation.

The Squeeze, Please, at Ease Method. Use this technique to control his arousal and prevent him from reaching orgasm too quickly. Squeeze his glans, please him with other forms of stimulation, and then ease off to build anticipation.

11. Oral Ecstasy: Beyond Technique, Embrace Connection

A few men can’t take even the shortest genital kiss before ejaculating.

More Than Just a Blow Job. Oral sex is more than just a technique; it's an opportunity for intimacy and connection. Focus on his pleasure, but also communicate your own desires and boundaries.

The Art of Teasing. Use your mouth to tease and tantalize him, building anticipation and excitement. Vary the pressure, speed, and location of your touch.

Beyond the Head. Don't limit your oral attention to the head of his penis. Explore the shaft, testicles, and perineum with your lips and tongue.

12. Intercourse as Exploration: Chart New Territories of Pleasure

Every word, every page, and every chapter adds up to the whole.

Beyond the Missionary Position. Experiment with different intercourse positions to find what works best for both of you. Focus on positions that allow for clitoral stimulation, deep penetration, and eye contact.

Take Control. As the woman, take the lead during intercourse. Control the rhythm, depth, and angle of penetration. Use your hands to stimulate his erogenous zones and guide his movements.

Integrate Other Techniques. Don't rely solely on intercourse for pleasure. Combine it with manual and oral stimulation, massage, and other forms of touch to create a more fulfilling and multi-sensory experience.

Last updated: March 11, 2025