Good Vibrations Guide to Sex

1. Embrace Your Sexual Self-Image

Self-acceptance is a prerequisite for any intimate relationship—especially the one with yourself.

Body image and self-esteem. Negative body image can sabotage sexual encounters, but challenging media ideals and celebrating your body's uniqueness can boost confidence. Focus on your positive attributes, seek out diverse sexual images, and talk openly with friends to improve your self-esteem.

Genital acceptance. Many people, especially women, harbor shame about their genitals due to lack of exposure to diverse imagery. Familiarizing yourself with your own anatomy, seeking out authentic visual representations of vulvas, and masturbating can help you appreciate your unique body.

Attitudes about sex and pleasure. Question negative messages about sex and pleasure that you may have internalized from parents, religion, or society. Recognize that you deserve sexual pleasure and that pleasure for pleasure's sake is a valid motivation for sexual activity.

2. Understand Your Sexual Anatomy

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body whose sole function is to transmit sexual sensation.

Female anatomy. The vulva includes the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, urethral opening, and vaginal opening. The clitoris, with its glans, shaft, and legs, is the primary site of female sexual pleasure. The urethral sponge, or G-spot, is another erogenous zone that can be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina.

Male anatomy. The penis consists of the corpora cavernosa, corpus spongiosum, and glans. The scrotum contains the testicles, which produce testosterone and sperm. The prostate gland, located internally, is a source of sexual pleasure for many men.

Anal eroticism. The anus is an erogenous zone for both men and women, with many nerve endings and the ability to experience the muscular contractions of orgasm. The perineum, the area between the genitals and anus, is also a sensitive area.

3. Sexuality Evolves Over a Lifetime

All of us suffer when the Powers That Be—whether religious, political, or social—ignore, repress, or distort the free expression of sexual energy.

Childhood and adolescence. Children are sexual beings, and their sexuality should be nurtured with information and encouragement. Teens have sex and need access to accurate information about safer sex, contraception, and sexual pleasure.

Family-building. Trying to conceive, pregnancy, and parenting all affect your experience of sex. Hormonal changes, physical changes, and lifestyle changes can all impact your desire and sexual responses.

Midlife changes. Menopause and andropause bring about hormonal changes that can affect sexual desire and response. However, age can also bring experience and perspective that allows for more fulfilling sexual encounters.

4. Communication is Key to Sexual Satisfaction

Honest communication about sex is a prerequisite to equal rights both in and out of the bedroom.

Common challenges. Social conditioning, inadequate sex education, negative attitudes, fear, and performance anxiety can all inhibit communication about sex.

Prerequisites to good communication. Know what you like, know what you need, and be active and articulate about your sexual desires. Use resources to gain knowledge and confidence.

Improving communication. Practice, be vocal, give specific compliments, and be adventurous. Learn to be a vocal lover, and give your partner specific compliments.

5. Masturbation: A Path to Self-Discovery

We believe that sex toys are inherently revolutionary.

Self-love and exploration. Masturbation is a natural, healthy, and pleasurable activity that allows you to explore your own body and sexual responses. It is a form of self-assertion and a way to affirm that you deserve to experience pleasure for pleasure's sake.

Historical perspectives. Masturbation has been stigmatized throughout history, but it is a normal and healthy sexual activity. It is not a sign of sexual problems or a substitute for partner sex.

Techniques and benefits. Masturbation can be enhanced with a variety of techniques and toys. It can improve your sexual self-esteem, increase your awareness of your body, and lead to more satisfying sexual encounters with partners.

6. Lubrication: Essential for Pleasure

The idea that pleasure for pleasure’s sake is sufficient motivation for sexual activity, and that no means of experiencing sexual pleasure is morally, aesthetically, or romantically superior to another, is the subversive philosophy behind the enjoyment of sex toys.

Who needs lube? Vaginal lubrication is not always automatic, and many factors can affect it, including hormones, medications, and stress. Lubricant is essential for anal play and can enhance vaginal penetration.

Types of lube. Water-based lubricants are the safest for use with latex and are easy to clean. Oil-based lubricants are not compatible with latex but can be used for solo sex or massage. Silicone-based lubricants are long-lasting and compatible with latex but can damage silicone toys.

Choosing a lube. Consider your needs and preferences when buying a lubricant. Look for products that are taste-free, non-irritating, and compatible with latex.

7. Creative Touching: Beyond the Genitals

We can experience sexual pleasure in countless ways, yet we tend to rate sexual activities in a hierarchy of best, second best, or better-than-nothing.

Erotic massage. Massage can be a sensual and relaxing way to explore your body and your partner's. It can enhance your appreciation of your body and of others' as well.

Tips and techniques. Use a variety of strokes, including fanning, pulling, kneading, and thumb pressure. Explore different areas of the body, including the back, shoulders, arms, hands, butt, legs, feet, scalp, face, and genitals.

Variations. Experiment with different temperatures, textures, and accessories, such as feathers, fur, fabrics, powders, gels, and edible items.

8. Oral Sex: A World of Sensations

We’re convinced that access to good sex information leads to greater health and happiness, and we hope to provide you with all the encouragement you need to explore a whole new world of sexual pleasure.

Cunnilingus. Explore the clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening with your tongue and lips. Experiment with different pressures, speeds, and techniques.

Fellatio. Explore the glans, coronal ridge, and shaft of the penis with your mouth and tongue. Experiment with different pressures, speeds, and techniques.

Rimming. Explore the anus with your tongue and lips. Use a barrier for safer sex.

Safer sex. Use condoms or dental dams to minimize the risk of transmitting STDs during oral sex.

9. Vibrators: Tools for Exploration

Not only are they self-assertion tools—no dildo is ever going to pressure you into an encounter against your will—but when you plug in a vibrator or cue up an adult video, you’re affirming that you deserve to experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

A brief history. Vibrators were originally marketed as medical devices for treating "female disorders." They have since become popular sex toys for both men and women.

Why use a vibrator? Vibrators can enhance sexual pleasure, increase self-awareness, and provide a reliable source of stimulation. They can be used alone or with a partner.

Types of vibrators. Electric vibrators are powerful and reliable. Battery vibrators are portable and versatile. Wand vibrators are ideal for external stimulation. Cylindrical vibrators are versatile for both internal and external use. G-spot vibrators are designed for vaginal stimulation.

10. Penetration: Many Ways to Connect

Whether consciously or not, many of us operate from the belief that sex is okay only if we’re motivated by the desire to (a) make babies, (b) express intimacy, or (c) please a partner.

Vaginal penetration. The vagina is an expandable organ that can be stimulated by fingers, dildos, or penises. The outer third of the vagina is the most sensitive.

Anal penetration. The anus is an erogenous zone that can be stimulated by fingers, dildos, or penises. The rectum is a highly expandable canal that can be stimulated with pressure and fullness.

Pelvic muscles. The PC muscle group surrounds the genitals and contracts during arousal and orgasm. Learning to control this muscle can enhance sexual pleasure.

Intercourse without penetration. Dry humping, rubbing, and other forms of non-penetrative sex can be just as pleasurable as intercourse.

11. Anal Play: Expanding Your Erotic Horizons

Our products were created first and foremost for fun, and that’s why we call them “toys.”

Anal eroticism. The anus is an erogenous zone that can be stimulated by touch, pressure, and penetration. The perineum, the area between the genitals and anus, is also a sensitive area.

Butt plugs. These are designed for anal insertion and come in a variety of shapes and sizes. They are often used to create a feeling of fullness and pressure.

Anal beads. These are a string of beads that can be inserted into the anus and then pulled out. They are often used to create a sensation of stretching and fullness.

Vibrators. Vibrators can be used to stimulate the anus and rectum. They can be used externally or internally.

Safety. Always use plenty of lubricant for anal play. Never insert anything anally that doesn't have a flared base.

12. Fantasies: Fueling Your Desires

The beautiful and fascinating thing about sexual taste is its diversity.

Popular themes. Fantasies can involve a variety of themes, including sex with someone other than your partner, voyeurism and exhibitionism, forced encounters, sex with someone of another sexual orientation, sex with celebrities, sex in nature, double penetration, group sex, S/M, and taboo sex.

Enjoying your fantasies. Fantasies can be used to increase sexual arousal, explore different aspects of your sexuality, and rehearse for real-life encounters.

Acting out fantasies. You can act out your fantasies through role-playing, talking dirty, and using sex toys.

Last updated: January 31, 2025