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Four Things Women Want from a Man

Four Things Women Want from a Man

by A.R. Bernard 2016 208 pages
4.34
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Maturity is a Choice, Not an Age

"Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice."

Personal Responsibility Defines Maturity. Maturity isn't about growing older; it's about accepting personal accountability for one's actions, thoughts, and consequences. Men who consistently deflect blame and make excuses remain emotionally immature, regardless of their chronological age.

Characteristics of Maturity:

  • Accepting responsibility without making excuses
  • Willingness to change and grow
  • Considering long-term consequences of actions
  • Prioritizing others' needs over personal impulses

Transformation Requires Self-Awareness. Mature individuals recognize their weaknesses, actively work to improve themselves, and understand that personal growth is a continuous journey. By embracing change and consistently making responsible choices, men can develop genuine maturity that transcends age.

2. Decisiveness Requires Courage and Principles

"A man who honors God privately will show it by making good decisions publicly."

Values Guide Decision Making. Decisiveness isn't about making rapid choices, but about having a clear set of principles that inform thoughtful, consistent decisions. Men who understand their core values can navigate complex situations with confidence and integrity.

Keys to Effective Decision Making:

  • Develop a clear value system
  • Consider long-term consequences
  • Seek wisdom from trusted sources
  • Maintain moral consistency
  • Act with conviction

Resisting External Pressures. Truly decisive men don't merely follow societal trends or crowd mentality. They have the courage to stand by their principles, even when doing so might be unpopular or challenging.

3. Consistency Builds Trust and Character

"Character is a simple habit long continued."

Predictability Creates Security. Consistency in behavior, communication, and values is fundamental to building trust in relationships. Women particularly value partners who demonstrate reliable patterns of behavior and emotional stability.

Elements of Consistency:

  • Aligning actions with stated beliefs
  • Maintaining emotional even-temperedness
  • Following through on commitments
  • Demonstrating predictable responses
  • Avoiding dramatic mood or behavior shifts

Trust is Earned Incrementally. Consistent behavior proves a person's character more effectively than grand gestures. Small, repeated actions of integrity create a foundation of trust that withstands life's challenges.

4. True Strength is Emotional, Not Physical

"A man's strength is demonstrated by his gentleness and his kindness."

Emotional Intelligence Defines Strength. Modern masculinity isn't about physical prowess or aggressive behavior, but about emotional control, empathy, and the ability to support and nurture relationships.

Characteristics of True Strength:

  • Self-control during challenging situations
  • Ability to express vulnerability
  • Prioritizing family and relationships
  • Managing emotions constructively
  • Serving others without seeking recognition

Redefining Masculinity. Strong men understand that gentleness, compassion, and emotional intelligence are not weaknesses, but profound expressions of inner strength and spiritual maturity.

5. Marriage is a Spiritual and Emotional Partnership

"God created Eve to help Adam."

Complementary Roles Matter. Marriage is a divinely designed partnership where husband and wife bring unique strengths to create a harmonious union. Understanding and respecting inherent differences is crucial for relationship success.

Partnership Principles:

  • Mutual respect and understanding
  • Recognizing complementary strengths
  • Shared spiritual and life goals
  • Continuous communication
  • Commitment beyond personal satisfaction

Spiritual Connection Transcends Cultural Trends. While societal views on marriage evolve, fundamental principles of love, commitment, and mutual support remain constant.

6. Self-Control is the Foundation of Relationship Success

"If you are to be self-controlled in your speech, you must be self-controlled in your thinking."

Impulse Management Determines Relationship Quality. Self-control involves managing emotions, desires, and reactions to create healthier interactions and prevent destructive behaviors.

Self-Control Strategies:

  • Pause before responding emotionally
  • Practice mindfulness
  • Develop healthy coping mechanisms
  • Seek understanding before judgment
  • Prioritize relationship harmony

Spiritual Discipline Enhances Relationships. Self-control is not about suppression but about channeling energy and emotions constructively, creating space for understanding and growth.

7. Understanding Gender Differences is Critical

"Men and women are different in all these ways and more."

Biological and Psychological Differences Matter. Successful relationships require acknowledging and respecting inherent differences in communication, emotional processing, and problem-solving approaches.

Key Gender Differences:

  • Communication styles
  • Emotional expression
  • Problem-solving approaches
  • Relationship priorities
  • Conflict resolution methods

Mutual Understanding Builds Connection. Recognizing and appreciating differences helps partners develop empathy, patience, and more effective communication strategies.

8. Personal Responsibility Transforms Relationships

"Maturity doesn't come with age; it begins with the acceptance of responsibility."

Accountability Drives Personal Growth. Taking ownership of one's actions, emotions, and personal development is crucial for building healthy relationships and individual character.

Responsibility Principles:

  • Acknowledging mistakes
  • Seeking continuous self-improvement
  • Avoiding blame and excuses
  • Making intentional choices
  • Learning from past experiences

Transformative Power of Ownership. By accepting personal responsibility, individuals can break negative cycles and create more meaningful, authentic relationships.

9. Integrity Matters More Than Appearance

"Integrity isn't a sometimes thing. You can't turn it on and off on a whim."

Character is Revealed Through Consistent Actions. True integrity involves maintaining consistent moral and ethical standards across all life contexts, not just when it's convenient.

Integrity Characteristics:

  • Honesty in all situations
  • Alignment between words and actions
  • Transparency
  • Moral consistency
  • Ethical decision-making

Trust is Built Through Authenticity. People who demonstrate unwavering integrity create deeper, more trusting relationships based on genuine character.

10. Love is an Active, Daily Commitment

"Love is an action, not just a feeling."

Love Requires Continuous Effort. Successful relationships demand intentional, daily actions that demonstrate care, respect, and commitment.

Love Action Principles:

  • Choosing your partner daily
  • Practicing forgiveness
  • Maintaining emotional connection
  • Supporting personal growth
  • Investing time and energy

Commitment Transcends Emotion. True love is not merely a fleeting feeling but a deliberate, sustained choice to support, respect, and cherish one's partner.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.34 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Four Things Women Want from a Man receives overwhelmingly positive reviews, with readers praising its insightful, biblical approach to relationships. Many found it helpful for both singles and couples, highlighting its focus on maturity, decisiveness, consistency, and strength. Readers appreciated Bernard's straightforward writing style and practical advice. Some noted its strong Christian perspective, which may not appeal to all readers. Overall, reviewers found the book enlightening, easy to read, and applicable to improving relationships and personal growth.

Your rating:

About the Author

A.R. Bernard is a prominent pastor and author known for his insights on relationships and personal development. As the founder of Christian Cultural Center in New York City, he has counseled thousands of couples, drawing from his extensive experience to write "Four Things Women Want from a Man." Bernard's approach combines biblical principles with practical advice, making his work accessible to a wide audience. His teachings have gained recognition beyond religious circles, leading to appearances on mainstream media platforms like Oprah's Super Soul podcast. Bernard's writing style is described as clear, concise, and impactful.

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