Better Dads, Stronger Sons

1. Authentic Manhood: Living for a Cause Bigger Than Yourself

Authentic manhood, or walking the path of godly intent, is living for a cause bigger than yourself.

Beyond Self-Gratification. The world's definition of manhood often revolves around career success and material possessions, leaving many men feeling empty despite their achievements. Authentic manhood, however, is found in serving others, leading with courage, and accepting responsibility. This involves servant leadership, lifting up family, and reaching out to those in need.

Significance and Fulfillment. Men crave significance, especially as they approach middle age. This longing can be fulfilled by living a life of purpose, impacting broader circles of people with grace, compassion, and love. This is Christ's assignment for men, where lives are determined not by what we do but by what we do for others.

Combating Passivity. Satan's strategy is to convince men that family isn't important and self-gratification is the priority. Authentic men, however, understand the nobility in fulfilling their destiny as leaders in their homes, communities, and the world. This requires shaking off passivity and embracing the challenges that come with living a life of significance.

2. Father Power: Shaping Generations Through Intentional Influence

The power of a father is incredible. . . . There isn’t much of anything in life children can’t face with Dad’s strong hand wrapped tightly around theirs.

The Indispensable Father. Fathers are the de facto leaders of their families, whether they embrace the role or not. They are the highest-priority targets in the war against the family, and their presence is crucial for protecting their children from predators and corrupting influences. Fathering is a modeled behavior, and families are like flocks of sheep, with fathers as sheepdogs guarding against marauding wolves.

Father Power Defined. Fathers possess an innate ability to influence their children and the community around them, a generational power with which God has endowed them. This power allows fathers to affect people's lives positively or negatively, for good or evil, for hundreds of years. A father will impact people he doesn't even know and will never meet.

Accountability and Responsibility. With the power to create life comes accountability. God holds fathers responsible for the welfare of their families. Maturity in a man begins not with age but with the acceptance of that responsibility. Fathers have the power to impact generations of lives, and they must ensure their impact is a positive one.

3. Reconciling with the Past: Forgiving to Become a Better Dad

As we try to change, we will discover within us a fierce struggle between our loyalty to that battle-scarred victim of his own childhood, our father, and the father we want to be.

Understanding Your Upbringing. No man can live a life of great impact without coming to terms with his history. To be effective fathers, we must reconcile our relationship with the men and women who raised us, or we're doomed to repeat the same mistakes with our children. Whether you have a great relationship with your father or you despise him, it's vitally important for your own growth as a father to resolve any issues in your relationship.

The Importance of Forgiveness. Holding a grievance against another only harms us. No man wants to be a bad father, but we are often hobbled by whatever role model we may have had in life. Forgiveness and understanding are the most important ingredients in the recipe for healing.

Honoring Your Parents. The Bible tells us to honor our mothers and fathers. Even if you were raised by a mother or father who acted in ways that make it difficult to honor them, there are practical ways you can follow God's commandment and receive the blessing attached to it. One of the most important ways to reconcile with your father is to forgive him for any hurts, real or perceived, that you have from your childhood.

4. Bonding with Your Son: Creating Lasting Memories and a Masculine Legacy

Until you have a son of your own . . . you will never know the joy, the love beyond feeling that resonates in the heart of a father as he looks upon his son.

The Importance of Bonding. By bonding with our sons, we are giving them life as men. Sons actively seek to form bonds with their fathers. They desperately need the nourishment or "father food" they get from dad. Your son was born with an incredible God-given urge to admire and worship his father.

What Every Boy Wants. A boy needs his father to show him how life is to be lived. He needs his father to show him what a man's responsibilities are and to pass on convictions that will guide him. In his father, he needs both a model and a teacher. A boy longs for his father.

Physical Activities and Ceremonies. Camping, hunting, fishing, sports, scouting, rafting, hiking, biking, climbing, church camps, and other outdoor activities all provide the physical outlet the male animal craves while allowing us to build strong father-son relationships. As boys progress through life, they need ceremonies in order to know when they have become men.

5. Avoiding Common Pitfalls: Learning from Fathering Mistakes

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.

Emphasizing Strengths, Not Weaknesses. As a father, it's easy to focus on what your son does wrong instead of what he does right. Help your son find his strengths—his gifts from God. Focus on those instead of being overly critical of his weaknesses.

Giving Too Little Time. Your kids aren't impressed with all your accomplishments. The only thing that really impresses them is your time and attention. Not spending enough time with our kids creates anger in them. There's really no greater insult than being ignored.

Forgetting to Have Fun. We so easily get caught up in the complexities and stresses of everyday life. But part of a dad's charm is his ability to have fun. Let yourself go and remember all the goofy things that make life worth living. Have fun with your son while he's still a boy.

6. Instilling Noble Traits: Building Character for a Meaningful Life

Scripture’s favorite description of a warrior is captured in the oft-repeated phrase “mighty men of valor.”

Defining Noble Masculinity. When you think of what makes a good man, what character traits come to mind? How a man acts under stress tells a great deal about what kind of character he has. The story of a man's life is the classic tale of a struggle between right and wrong, good and evil.

Key Character Traits. Instill qualities such as perseverance, mental toughness, commitment, integrity, loyalty, manners, courage, compassion, self-discipline, and humility in your boy to help him become a noble man. These traits will guide him through life's challenges and enable him to make a positive impact on the world.

Leading by Example. Boys have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be. Tell your son all the things you want him to be: courageous, loyal, honest, strong, noble, and compassionate. Remind him of these qualities, and you help instill them within him. When he exhibits one of them, make sure to praise him.

7. Discipline with Purpose: Guiding Towards Self-Control and Responsibility

Discipline isn’t just punishing, forcing compliance or stamping out bad behavior. Rather, discipline has to do with teaching proper deportment, caring about others, controlling oneself and putting someone else’s wishes before one’s own when the occasion calls for it.

Internal vs. External Discipline. All children need clear-cut rules, structure, and guidelines. They thrive under firm supervision and guidance. But boys, even more than girls, need strong boundaries and discipline from the adults, especially older males, in their lives. Discipline comes in two forms—internal and external.

Consequences and Accountability. Boys need structure and supervision. They need to be "civilized." Males must be accountable to someone other than themselves, such as their wife, other men, their father, and God. Without that accountability, we tend to make our own rules and codes of conduct.

Challenging Authority Appropriately. Boys have a natural tendency to challenge authority. It's part of developing the leadership skills that they will need later in life as men. However, a boy needs to learn when leading is appropriate and when following is appropriate.

8. Loving Your Wife: Modeling Respect and a Godly Marriage

There is probably no greater satanic stronghold in our culture than the idea of disposable marriage, . . . it’s eating away at the very heart of our nation.

The Greatest Gift. Perhaps the greatest gift you can give your son is to teach him how to love his wife. Males aren't born knowing how to love a woman, and boys need to be taught by example. Should your son grow up to marry and have a family, he will need your positive example as a husband more than probably anything else you can teach him.

Meeting Her Needs. Your wife has a God-given desire to have a close relationship with you. It's one of her greatest needs in life. To be a servant leader for your wife, you must first be aware of her needs. Even if you think you already understand your wife, ask her to list her five greatest needs.

Modeling Love and Respect. The way you treat your wife throughout the day, especially when you give her respect, shows her she is special in your eyes. Thank her frequently (in front of the kids, of course) for that delicious meal she just cooked. Offer to go shopping with her without her asking you.

9. The Power of Mentorship: Guiding Boys to Manhood Through Positive Male Influence

Boys become men by watching men, by standing close to men.

The Need for Male Role Models. Boys learn to become men from other men. Masculinity bestows masculinity. Femininity can never bestow masculinity. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man, or the company of men. He cannot learn it from any other place.

Renaissance Dads. Today, we need to glorify Renaissance Dads—men who have become adept at fathering and providing a positive impact on others' lives. These men act in ways that promote a positive view of masculinity and are active role models in the lives of all boys.

Mentoring Beyond Your Son. As men, not only is it our responsibility to find other men to be involved in our son's life, it is also our responsibility to be involved in other boys' lives. Children without fathers need men to step forward as positive influences in their lives.

10. Sexual Purity: A Lifelong Battle Requiring Vigilance and Accountability

With her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter.

The Male Struggle with Lust. God created men as physical, visually oriented, sexual beings. He created our sexuality with our wives to be a wonderful, exciting experience to be treasured. Unfortunately, our sexual urges have been twisted (due to our sin nature) into something beyond what God intended.

Navigating Minefields. One of the challenges we face is everyday life and the circumstances we find ourselves in. One of the best strategies we can use to keep our sexual perspective intact is to not allow ourselves to be caught in situations where we might be compelled to compromise our integrity.

Pornography's Destructive Power. Pornography is the most destructive force men and boys face today. It's irresistible primarily due to a male's visual nature. Studies have shown that pornography works in men in the same stimulation centers of the brain as cocaine and has the same addictive capabilities.

Last updated: February 5, 2025