Key Takeaways
1. Consent culture oversimplifies complex sexual dynamics
Consent – agreement to sex – should not be conflated with sexual desire, enjoyment or enthusiasm, not because we should be resigned to bad sex, but precisely because we should not be.
Limitations of consent: Consent culture, while well-intentioned, fails to address the nuanced realities of sexual interactions. It often places an undue burden on women to clearly express their desires, which may not always be fully formed or easily articulated. This approach can oversimplify the complex nature of sexual encounters, where desires may shift and evolve during the interaction.
Pressure for clarity: The emphasis on clear, enthusiastic consent can create pressure for individuals to have a level of self-knowledge and assertiveness that may not be realistic or desirable in all situations. This can lead to anxiety and self-doubt, particularly for those who are still exploring their sexuality or who have experienced trauma.
Beyond yes or no: Sexual encounters often involve moments of ambivalence, uncertainty, and exploration that don't fit neatly into a binary framework of "yes" or "no." A more nuanced approach to sexual ethics is needed, one that acknowledges the importance of ongoing communication, mutual respect, and the potential for growth and discovery within sexual experiences.
2. Female desire is often misunderstood and oversimplified
If we want sex to be joyful and fulfilling, it is on sex's contexts that we should focus our emancipatory energies.
Complexity of desire: Female desire is frequently portrayed as either non-existent or voracious, failing to capture the vast spectrum of experiences and motivations that drive women's sexual interests. This oversimplification can lead to harmful stereotypes and unrealistic expectations.
Context matters: Women's desire is often heavily influenced by social, emotional, and environmental factors. Understanding and addressing these contextual elements is crucial for creating conditions that allow female desire to flourish. This includes:
- Addressing societal shame and stigma around female sexuality
- Recognizing the impact of stress, relationship dynamics, and past experiences
- Acknowledging the role of emotional connection and safety in fostering desire
Individuality: It's essential to recognize that there is no universal model of female desire. Each woman's experience is unique and may vary throughout her life. Encouraging exploration and self-understanding, free from societal pressures or expectations, is key to empowering women in their sexuality.
3. Arousal and desire are not always aligned in women
Genital arousal doesn't tell us all there is to know about a subjective sense of sexual arousal – about what someone enjoys. It just tells us about genital arousal.
Physiological vs. subjective: Research has shown that women often experience a disconnect between physical arousal and subjective feelings of desire. This "non-concordance" challenges simplistic notions of female sexuality and highlights the complexity of women's sexual responses.
Implications: This disconnect has important implications for:
- Sexual health: Understanding that arousal doesn't always equate to desire can help women navigate their sexual experiences more confidently.
- Consent discussions: Physical arousal should not be used as a proxy for consent or enthusiasm.
- Research methodologies: Studies focusing solely on physiological responses may miss crucial aspects of female sexual experience.
Holistic approach: Recognizing the potential for non-concordance emphasizes the need for a more holistic understanding of female sexuality, one that considers psychological, emotional, and contextual factors alongside physical responses.
4. Sex research methods can be problematic and misleading
We may like to believe that the body doesn't lie, but all the body does is provide us with complicated information. The body is no arbiter, should be no arbiter.
Limitations of laboratory studies: Many sex research methods, particularly those focusing on physiological responses, have significant limitations. These studies often:
- Remove sexual experiences from their natural contexts
- Rely on artificial stimuli that may not reflect real-world preferences
- Overemphasize physical responses at the expense of subjective experiences
Interpretation biases: The interpretation of sex research findings can be influenced by societal biases and preconceptions about gender and sexuality. This can lead to reinforcing stereotypes rather than challenging them.
Need for diverse approaches: To gain a more comprehensive understanding of human sexuality, research should:
- Incorporate qualitative methods alongside quantitative measures
- Consider cultural and individual variations in sexual experiences
- Acknowledge the limitations of laboratory settings and seek more naturalistic approaches
5. Vulnerability is essential for sexual pleasure and connection
Sometimes, the deepest pleasure is in letting someone in.
Embracing vulnerability: True sexual fulfillment often requires a willingness to be vulnerable with a partner. This vulnerability allows for:
- Deeper emotional connections
- Exploration of desires and boundaries
- Authentic expression of needs and wants
Risks and rewards: Being vulnerable in sexual situations can be scary, particularly for those who have experienced trauma or live in a society that shames certain aspects of sexuality. However, the potential rewards in terms of intimacy, pleasure, and personal growth can be significant.
Creating safe spaces: Fostering environments where vulnerability is respected and honored is crucial for positive sexual experiences. This involves:
- Building trust with partners
- Developing clear communication skills
- Challenging societal norms that equate vulnerability with weakness
6. Male sexuality is shaped by societal expectations and fears
Men hate women so that they don't have to hate themselves.
Toxic masculinity: Societal expectations of male sexuality often emphasize dominance, performance, and emotional detachment. These norms can lead to:
- Difficulty expressing vulnerability or uncertainty
- Pressure to always initiate and be "in control" during sexual encounters
- Fear of rejection or inadequacy
Consequences: These expectations can have negative consequences for both men and their partners:
- Emotional disconnection in intimate relationships
- Anxiety around sexual performance
- Difficulty seeking help for sexual or emotional issues
Redefining masculinity: Challenging these harmful norms is essential for healthier expressions of male sexuality. This involves:
- Encouraging emotional intelligence and vulnerability in men
- Recognizing a wider range of sexual experiences as valid and fulfilling
- Promoting open communication about desires, boundaries, and insecurities
7. Good sex requires embracing uncertainty and exploration
Sometimes sexual desire can take us by surprise; can creep up, unbidden, confounding our plans, and with it our beliefs about ourselves.
Beyond certainty: The pursuit of absolute certainty in sexual encounters can inhibit pleasure and connection. Instead, embracing the unknown aspects of desire can lead to more fulfilling experiences.
Exploration and discovery: Good sex often involves:
- Being open to new sensations and experiences
- Allowing desires to evolve and change over time
- Communicating openly about uncertainties and curiosities
Balancing safety and adventure: While it's important to establish boundaries and feel safe, there's also value in pushing comfort zones (consensually) to discover new aspects of one's sexuality.
8. Sexual ethics should focus on mutual curiosity, not just consent
We must not think of a person's desire as some easily identifiable object, some easily accessible part of a person which they can summon up with ease.
Beyond consent: While consent is crucial, it should be seen as a starting point rather than the end goal of sexual ethics. A more comprehensive approach focuses on:
- Mutual curiosity and exploration
- Ongoing communication throughout sexual encounters
- Respecting the evolving nature of desire and boundaries
Ethical framework: A richer sexual ethic involves:
- Recognizing the complexity and fluidity of desire
- Prioritizing mutual pleasure and satisfaction
- Creating space for vulnerability and honest communication
Shifting the conversation: Moving beyond a narrow focus on consent allows for more nuanced discussions about sexual relationships, addressing power dynamics, emotional needs, and the potential for growth and connection through sexual experiences.
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FAQ
What's "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" about?
- Exploration of Desire: The book examines women's sexual desire in the context of modern consent culture, questioning how societal norms shape and sometimes inhibit women's sexual experiences.
- Consent and Power Dynamics: It delves into the complexities of consent, highlighting the challenges women face in expressing desire and navigating power imbalances in sexual relationships.
- Cultural Critique: Katherine Angel critiques the societal expectations placed on women to know and articulate their desires clearly, arguing that this can be both empowering and burdensome.
- Historical and Contemporary Analysis: The book provides a historical perspective on how female sexuality has been understood and controlled, linking past and present attitudes towards women's sexual autonomy.
Why should I read "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Insightful Analysis: The book offers a deep dive into the nuances of consent and desire, providing a fresh perspective on these often-discussed topics.
- Feminist Perspective: It challenges traditional feminist narratives by questioning the emphasis on self-knowledge and vocal expression of desire as the sole paths to sexual liberation.
- Cultural Relevance: In the wake of movements like #MeToo, the book's exploration of consent culture is timely and relevant, offering critical insights into ongoing societal debates.
- Thought-Provoking Questions: Katherine Angel encourages readers to reconsider their assumptions about sexuality, power, and autonomy, making it a compelling read for those interested in gender studies and sexual politics.
What are the key takeaways of "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Complexity of Consent: Consent is not a simple yes or no; it involves ongoing negotiation and is deeply influenced by power dynamics and societal expectations.
- Desire is Contextual: Women's sexual desire is often responsive rather than spontaneous, shaped by relational and environmental factors rather than being an inherent drive.
- Vulnerability and Power: Embracing vulnerability in sexual relationships can lead to more fulfilling experiences, challenging the notion that invulnerability is the path to empowerment.
- Critique of Confidence Culture: The book critiques the pressure on women to be confident and assertive in their desires, arguing that this can overlook the complexities of sexual interactions.
How does Katherine Angel define consent culture in "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Consent as a Baseline: Consent culture emphasizes the importance of clear, affirmative consent as a foundation for ethical sexual interactions.
- Speech and Self-Knowledge: It places a heavy burden on women to articulate their desires clearly, often equating vocal expression with empowerment.
- Limitations of Consent: Angel argues that consent culture can oversimplify the complexities of sexual desire and interaction, failing to account for the nuances of power and vulnerability.
- Cultural Critique: The book critiques how consent culture can inadvertently reinforce traditional gender roles by focusing on women's behavior rather than addressing systemic issues.
What does Katherine Angel say about women's sexual desire in "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Responsive Desire: Angel highlights that women's desire is often responsive, emerging in the right context rather than being a constant, spontaneous drive.
- Cultural Influences: She argues that societal expectations and cultural narratives heavily influence how women experience and express their sexual desires.
- Desire and Power: The book explores how power dynamics in relationships can impact women's ability to pursue and enjoy their desires freely.
- Complexity and Ambivalence: Angel acknowledges the ambivalence many women feel about their desires, shaped by both internal and external pressures.
What are the best quotes from "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" and what do they mean?
- "Consent, as Fischel puts it, gives ‘moral magic to sex’": This quote critiques the idea that consent alone can resolve all issues in sexual interactions, highlighting the need for a more nuanced understanding.
- "We must not think that by saying yes to sex one says no to power": This reflects Foucault's skepticism about equating sexual liberation with mere vocal affirmation, urging a deeper examination of power dynamics.
- "Women know that their sexual desire can remove protection from them": This quote underscores the societal double standards that punish women for expressing sexual desire, linking it to vulnerability and risk.
- "The fantasy of total autonomy, and of total self-knowledge, is not only a fantasy; it’s a nightmare": Angel challenges the pressure on women to fully know and articulate their desires, advocating for acceptance of uncertainty and vulnerability.
How does "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" address the #MeToo movement?
- Cultural Context: The book situates its discussion of consent and desire within the broader cultural shifts prompted by the #MeToo movement.
- Speech and Silence: Angel critiques the expectation for women to publicly share their experiences as a form of empowerment, questioning who benefits from this narrative.
- Selective Listening: The book highlights how certain voices, particularly those of marginalized women, were prioritized or ignored during the movement.
- Beyond Consent: Angel argues that while #MeToo has brought attention to issues of consent, it also risks oversimplifying the complexities of sexual violence and desire.
What does Katherine Angel mean by "vulnerability" in "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Embracing Vulnerability: Angel suggests that acknowledging and embracing vulnerability can lead to more authentic and fulfilling sexual experiences.
- Power and Control: She challenges the notion that invulnerability equates to empowerment, arguing that true strength lies in accepting one's susceptibility to harm.
- Relational Dynamics: Vulnerability is seen as a crucial component of intimacy and connection, allowing for genuine exploration and negotiation in relationships.
- Cultural Resistance: The book critiques cultural narratives that stigmatize vulnerability, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of its role in sexual and personal interactions.
How does "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" critique traditional feminist narratives?
- Beyond Self-Knowledge: Angel questions the emphasis on self-knowledge and vocal expression of desire as the primary paths to sexual liberation.
- Complexity of Desire: The book argues that traditional feminist narratives often overlook the complexities and ambivalence inherent in women's sexual desires.
- Critique of Empowerment: Angel critiques the pressure on women to be confident and assertive, suggesting that this can ignore the relational and contextual nature of desire.
- Intersectional Considerations: The book highlights how traditional feminist narratives can fail to account for the diverse experiences and challenges faced by women of different backgrounds.
What role does historical context play in "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Evolution of Sexual Norms: Angel provides a historical perspective on how societal attitudes towards female sexuality have evolved, influencing contemporary understandings of desire and consent.
- Legacy of Sexology: The book examines the impact of past sexological research on current narratives about women's sexual behavior and autonomy.
- Cultural Shifts: Angel situates her analysis within broader cultural shifts, such as the sexual liberation movements and the rise of post-feminism.
- Continuity and Change: The book explores the continuities and changes in how women's sexuality has been understood and controlled over time.
How does "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" address the concept of "bad sex"?
- Beyond Consent: Angel argues that consent alone cannot address the complexities of "bad sex," which can be unpleasant, humiliating, or one-sided without being assault.
- Cultural Narratives: The book critiques cultural narratives that romanticize "bad sex" as a rite of passage or learning experience, highlighting the unequal burdens placed on women.
- Power Dynamics: Angel emphasizes the role of power dynamics in shaping experiences of "bad sex," urging a more nuanced understanding of its causes and consequences.
- Political Issue: The book frames "bad sex" as a political issue, linked to broader inequalities in access to pleasure and self-determination.
What is Katherine Angel's stance on the relationship between desire and power in "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again"?
- Interconnected Dynamics: Angel explores how desire and power are deeply interconnected, influencing how individuals experience and express their sexual desires.
- Impact of Power Imbalances: The book highlights how power imbalances in relationships can shape and sometimes inhibit women's ability to pursue and enjoy their desires.
- Beyond Empowerment: Angel critiques the notion that empowerment lies solely in vocal expression of desire, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of power dynamics.
- Relational Context: The book emphasizes the importance of considering relational and contextual factors in understanding the interplay between desire and power.
Review Summary
Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again receives overall positive reviews for its nuanced exploration of female sexuality, consent, and desire. Readers praise Angel's academic yet accessible writing style and her critical analysis of current sexual discourse. Many appreciate her challenging of oversimplified narratives around consent and female empowerment. Some readers found the final chapter weaker, and a few critiqued the book's heteronormative focus. Despite these minor criticisms, most reviewers found the book thought-provoking and valuable for its fresh perspective on complex topics.
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