The Reciprocating Self

1. Developmental Theory Lacks Guiding Teleology

The purpose of The Reciprocating Self: Human Development in Theological Perspective is to present an integrated view of human development that is based on social science research and biblical truths.

The core problem. Existing developmental theories, while insightful, often lack a guiding teleology, or a theologically informed understanding of the goal of human development. This absence leaves students of psychology seeking a coherent Christian perspective or an integration between theology and psychology feeling unfulfilled. The prevailing naturalistic worldview limits the scope of these theories, leaving a void in addressing the ultimate purpose or goal of human existence.

Contributing factors. Several factors contribute to this developmental dilemma. The fragmented scope of existing theories, each focusing on specific aspects of development, creates a lack of an overarching organizing principle. The cultural and psychological therapies promoting an "empty self" further exacerbate the issue, leading to self-focused pursuits of fulfillment. Modern philosophies, with their emphasis on individual subjectivity and displacement of God, also contribute to the sense of fragmentation and isolation.

A theological alternative. Instead of perpetuating the image of humans as empty selves, the book proposes a shift towards a "reciprocating self," grounded in theological anthropology. This perspective emphasizes the importance of relationships with both the divine and human others, offering a Christian response to the modern predicament and providing a lens through which to view and understand existing developmental theories.

2. The Reciprocating Self: A Trinitarian Analogy

In this way, particularity and relatedness co-occur because their relatedness is characterized by perfect reciprocity where the three live with and for each other.

The Trinity as a model. The book draws on the relationality within the Holy Trinity as a basis for understanding the human self. The Trinity's unity and diversity, where each person maintains distinctiveness while existing in perfect communion, serves as an analogy for human relationships. This model emphasizes the importance of both uniqueness and unity in human interactions.

Particularity and relationality. The divine Being includes both particularity and relationality. Each person of the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—remains unique and distinct, contributing uniquely to salvation history. At the same time, they exist in inseparable unity, with each indwelling the others.

Reciprocity as the key. Reciprocity is the glue that holds the relational polarities of uniqueness and unity together. The three persons remain unique through their mutual interrelatedness. To live as beings made in the image of God is to exist as reciprocating selves, as unique individuals living in relationship with others.

3. Covenantal Relationships: The Relational Ideal

We propose that human relationships are authentic—the way they are meant to be—to the extent that they are modeled after the way God enters into relationships with humans.

God's covenant as a model. The book proposes an analogical-personal relational theology based on scriptural teachings on God in relationship. God's covenantal relationship with humanity, characterized by unconditional love, serves as a model for human interactions. This model emphasizes commitment, grace, empowerment, and intimacy.

Four key elements. The reciprocating self can be nurtured best when personal relationships are characterized by:

• Covenant (unconditional love) commitment rather than a conditional commitment.
• Gracing rather than shaming in response to failure.
• Empowering rather than controlling the other.
• Intimacy rather than isolation.

The spiral of growth. The maturing of a reciprocating self can be thought of as a developmental process nurtured by ever-deepening levels of covenant, grace, empowering, and intimacy. This sequential change is represented as an inward spiral, depicting the potential for personal relationships to grow into ever-deeper levels of reciprocal commitment.

4. Psychoanalytic and Object Relations Theories: Early Relational Roots

Although Freud did not use the concept of the self in his tripart depiction of the personality (Freud, 1949), consisting of the id, ego and superego, the ego corresponds to the meaning we give to the self.

Freud's dynamic model. While Freud's psychoanalytic theory is limited in its teleological focus, it offers insights into the interplay between biological instincts and parental influence in shaping the ego, which corresponds to the self. The theory's emphasis on unconscious motivations and internal conflict aligns with a biblical understanding of human nature.

Object relations theory. Object relations theories, rooted in psychoanalytic thought, emphasize the development of the self within the context of infant-caregiver relationships. These theories highlight the role of internalized objects, particularly the mother, in shaping personality and providing a sense of security.

Winnicott and the "good enough mother." Donald Winnicott's concept of the "good enough mother" emphasizes the importance of a holding environment that provides a sense of continuity and allows the infant to develop a true self. This theory contributes to understanding the emergence of the reciprocating self by highlighting the relational context in which it develops.

5. Social Learning and Symbolic Interaction: The Social Mirror

The specific purpose of this book is to draw on the biblical view of relationality within the holy Trinity as a basis for understanding the human self.

Bandura's reciprocal determinism. Albert Bandura's social learning theory, with its emphasis on reciprocal determinism, aligns with the concept of the reciprocating self. This theory recognizes the mutual influence between the person, their behavior, and the environment, highlighting the active role of individuals in shaping their own development.

Mead and symbolic interaction. Symbolic interaction theory provides a rich understanding of the development of the reciprocating self. This theory emphasizes the role of social interaction and symbolic communication in shaping self-concept and identity. The self develops through taking on the perspectives of others and internalizing their attitudes.

The "I" and the "Me." Mead's distinction between the "I" (the impulsive, subjective self) and the "Me" (the socialized, reflective self) highlights the internal tension that arises from social interaction. This tension contributes to the dynamic nature of the reciprocating self.

6. Sociocultural Theories: Contextualizing Development

The child’s evolving construction of reality can only be inferred from patterns of activity as these are expressed in both verbal and nonverbal behavior, particularly in the activities, roles, and relations in which a person engages.

Vygotsky's social context theory. Lev Vygotsky's sociocultural theory emphasizes the role of social interaction and cultural context in cognitive development. The concept of the zone of proximal development highlights the importance of scaffolding, or supportive guidance, in helping individuals reach their full potential.

Lerner's developmental systems theory. Richard Lerner's developmental systems theory provides a framework for understanding how the development of the reciprocating self is embedded within interdependent developmental systems. This theory emphasizes the reciprocal influence between the person and the environment.

Bronfenbrenner's ecological theory. Urie Bronfenbrenner's ecological theory provides a framework for categorizing the various relationships experienced throughout life. This theory identifies nested systems of influence, including the microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, and macrosystem, each playing a unique role in development.

7. Body, Soul, and the Relational Self: A Holistic View

Humans are unique from nonhuman creatures because they have been created to be in relationship with God.

Beyond body-soul dualism. The book moves beyond traditional body-soul dualism to propose a more holistic view of human nature. This view emphasizes the concept of "soulishness" as an emergent property of personal relatedness, highlighting the capacity for deep connection with God, others, and self.

Nonreductive physicalism. The book adopts a nonreductive physicalism model, where the person is a physical organism whose complex functioning gives rise to higher human capacities such as morality and spirituality. This model avoids reducing human behavior to purely physiological explanations.

The soul as relational. The soul is defined not as a substance but in terms of relationality. It is the net sum of those encounters in which embodied humans relate to and commune with God or with one another in a manner that reaches deeply into the essence of our creaturely, historical, and communal selves.

8. Infancy: The Emergence of Relationality

And yet the child is aware, in the first opening of its mind’s eyes. Its ‘I’ awakens in the experience of a ‘Thou’: in its mother’s smile through which it learns that is contained, affirmed, and loved in a relationship which is incomprehensibly encompassing, already actual, sheltering and nourishing.

Biological foundations. The infant's biological development, including neurological connections and motor skills, is geared toward adaptability and relationship. The infant's dependence on caregivers highlights the importance of relational bonding for survival and development.

Cognitive development and attachment. Cognitive development in infancy, as described by Piaget and Vygotsky, is intertwined with the formation of attachments. The infant's ability to form mental representations and engage in social interaction lays the foundation for a reciprocating self.

Stern's four selves. Daniel Stern's theory of infant self-development identifies four emerging selves: the emergent self, the core self, the subjective self, and the verbal self. These selves reflect the infant's growing awareness of self and other in relationship.

9. Childhood: Schooling the Reciprocating Self

If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?

Cognitive and social growth. During childhood, cognitive abilities and social skills develop rapidly, enabling children to engage in more complex relationships and activities. The school environment plays a significant role in shaping the child's reciprocating self.

The importance of peers. Peer relationships become increasingly important during childhood, providing opportunities for social learning, identity formation, and the development of moral values. Children learn to navigate social hierarchies and develop a sense of belonging.

Parental influence. Despite the growing influence of peers, parents continue to play a vital role in shaping the child's reciprocating self. Authoritative parenting, characterized by high support and high control, promotes positive development and helps children internalize values.

10. Adolescence: Navigating Reciprocity and Identity

According to the Christian doctrine of the Trinity the three divine Persons exist with one another, for one another and in one another.

Identity formation and differentiation. Adolescence is a period of intense identity exploration and differentiation from family. Young people grapple with questions of who they are, what they believe, and where they belong.

The role of peers and adults. Peer relationships become increasingly important during adolescence, providing opportunities for social support, experimentation, and identity formation. Supportive adults outside the family can also play a vital role in guiding and mentoring adolescents.

Moral, spiritual, and civic development. Adolescence is a time of heightened moral, spiritual, and civic awareness. Young people begin to grapple with complex ethical issues and develop a sense of responsibility to their communities and the world.

11. Adulthood: Solidifying and Generativity

According to Scripture, especially the New Testament, the power of God is available to human beings in unlimited amounts!

Emerging adulthood and exploration. Emerging adulthood, a newly recognized life stage, provides opportunities for exploration and experimentation in love, work, and worldview. This period allows young people to solidify their identities and prepare for the commitments of adulthood.

Young adulthood and stability. Young adulthood is characterized by a focus on building stable life structures, including marriage, career, and family. Intimacy and commitment become central themes.

Middle adulthood and generativity. Middle adulthood is a time of generativity, where individuals seek to contribute to the next generation and leave a lasting legacy. This stage involves balancing personal needs with the needs of others and finding meaning in work and relationships.

12. Late Adulthood: Senescence and Wisdom

According to the Christian doctrine of the Trinity the three divine Persons exist with one another, for one another and in one another.

Senescence and adaptation. Late adulthood is characterized by physical and cognitive decline, requiring adaptation and resilience. The elderly face challenges related to health, independence, and loss.

The importance of relationships. Maintaining meaningful relationships with family and friends becomes increasingly important in late adulthood. Social support and connection can buffer the effects of decline and promote well-being.

Wisdom and spiritual growth. Despite the challenges of aging, late adulthood can be a time of spiritual growth and wisdom. The elderly have the opportunity to reflect on their lives, share their experiences, and find meaning in their relationships with God and others.

Last updated: February 28, 2025