The Nurture Assumption

1. The nurture assumption: A flawed belief in parental influence

The nurture assumption is not a truism; it is not even a universally acknowledged truth. It is a product of our culture—a cherished cultural myth.

Challenging conventional wisdom. The nurture assumption, the belief that parents are the primary shapers of their children's personalities and behaviors, is deeply ingrained in our society. However, this assumption is not supported by scientific evidence. Instead, it is a cultural construct that has been perpetuated by psychologists, parenting experts, and popular media.

Limitations of parental influence. Research has consistently shown that parental behaviors and child-rearing practices have little to no lasting impact on children's personalities or behaviors outside the home. This is not to say that parents are unimportant, but rather that their influence is limited to the immediate family context and does not extend to the child's broader social world.

Areas where parental influence is limited:

• Personality development
• Social behavior outside the home
• Long-term academic achievement
• Career choices
• Cultural adaptation (for immigrant families)

2. Environmental factors beyond parental control shape children

What I changed my mind about was whether "nurture" is really a synonym for "environment." Using it as a synonym for environment, I realized, is begging the question.

Redefining "nurture". The traditional view of nurture as synonymous with parental influence is overly simplistic. In reality, a child's environment extends far beyond the home and includes various factors that parents cannot control or may not even be aware of.

Diverse environmental influences. Children are shaped by a complex interplay of environmental factors, including:

• Peer groups
• School environment
• Neighborhood characteristics
• Media and popular culture
• Societal norms and expectations

These factors often have a more significant and lasting impact on a child's development than parental behaviors or home environment. Understanding this broader perspective of environmental influence is crucial for accurately assessing child development and creating effective interventions.

3. Group socialization theory: Peer influence trumps parental impact

My theory of how children become socialized and how personality gets modified during development is called "group socialization theory." ... What I'm talking about is something that children, to a large extent, do to themselves.

Peer-driven socialization. Group socialization theory posits that children's peer groups are the primary agents of socialization, not parents. Children actively shape their own development by identifying with and adapting to the norms, behaviors, and attitudes of their peer groups.

Mechanisms of peer influence. This socialization process occurs through various mechanisms:

• Social comparison: Children evaluate themselves in relation to their peers
• Conformity: Adapting behavior to fit group norms
• Status hierarchies: Learning social roles and power dynamics
• Cultural transmission: Passing on behaviors and attitudes within the peer group

The theory explains why children often behave differently at home and in school, and why immigrant children typically adopt the culture of their peers rather than maintaining their parents' culture.

4. Cultural transmission occurs through peer groups, not parents

I conclude that neither the parents' child-rearing methods nor imitation of the parents by the child can account for the way cultures are transmitted from one generation to the next.

Challenging traditional views. The conventional belief that culture is primarily transmitted from parents to children is not supported by evidence. Instead, cultural transmission occurs primarily through children's peer groups, which act as conduits between adult culture and child culture.

Peer-to-peer cultural transfer. This process of cultural transmission can be observed in various contexts:

• Language acquisition: Children of immigrants often adopt the language and accent of their peers, not their parents
• Cultural practices: Traditions and customs are often maintained through children's groups, even when parents attempt to change them
• Values and beliefs: Children's attitudes often align more closely with their peers than with their parents

This understanding of cultural transmission explains why cultural change can occur rapidly within a single generation and why children of immigrants often struggle to maintain their parents' cultural heritage.

5. Genetic factors and context-specific behavior in child development

Personality has two components: an inborn component and an environmental component. The inborn part goes with you wherever you go; it influences, to some extent, your behavior in every context. The environmental component is specific to the context in which you acquired it.

Nature and nurture interplay. Genetic factors play a significant role in shaping a child's basic temperament and predispositions. However, how these genetic tendencies manifest in behavior depends largely on the social context and environmental influences.

Context-specific behavior. Children often behave differently in various settings due to:

• Different social expectations in each context
• Varying relationships with people in different environments
• Context-specific learning and reinforcement

This explains why children may behave one way at home and another way at school or with peers. It also highlights the importance of considering multiple contexts when assessing a child's behavior or personality.

6. Birth order effects: Myth or reality in shaping personality?

Birth order effects are like those things you think you see out of the corner of your eye but that disappear when you look at them closely.

Debunking birth order myths. Despite popular belief and many published studies, the evidence for birth order effects on personality is weak and inconsistent. When large-scale, well-controlled studies are conducted, birth order effects typically disappear or become negligible.

Reasons for persistent belief:

• Confirmation bias: People tend to notice evidence that confirms their beliefs
• Within-family differences: Siblings often have different roles, but these are not consistent across families
• Reporting bias: Parents and siblings may perceive birth order differences that don't exist objectively

Understanding the lack of substantial birth order effects reinforces the importance of looking beyond simplistic explanations for personality differences and considering the complex interplay of genetic and environmental factors.

7. Gender roles: Children's peer groups reinforce stereotypes

Over the past century the adult culture has grown steadily more egalitarian, but childhood is as sexist as ever.

Peer-driven gender socialization. Despite efforts by parents and society to promote gender equality, children's peer groups often reinforce traditional gender stereotypes. This occurs through various mechanisms:

• Segregation: Children tend to form same-sex play groups
• Peer pressure: Conformity to gender norms is enforced by peers
• Cultural transmission: Gender-specific behaviors and preferences are passed between children

Persistence of gender stereotypes. The persistence of gender stereotypes in children's cultures can be attributed to:

• Biological predispositions that make some behaviors more common in one sex
• The tendency of children to exaggerate and rigidly enforce perceived differences
• The slow pace of change in peer cultures compared to adult society

Understanding this dynamic is crucial for developing effective strategies to promote gender equality and challenge harmful stereotypes.

8. Immigrant children adapt to peer culture, not parental heritage

When the culture outside the home differs from the culture inside it, the outside culture wins.

Peer culture dominance. Immigrant children typically adopt the culture of their peers rather than maintaining their parents' cultural heritage. This process occurs even when parents make concerted efforts to preserve their home culture.

Factors influencing cultural adaptation:

• Language acquisition: Children quickly adopt the language of their peers
• Social acceptance: Conforming to peer norms facilitates social integration
• Cultural practices: Children often prefer peer cultural activities over traditional ones

This phenomenon explains why second-generation immigrants often struggle with their parents' culture and why cultural assimilation often occurs within a single generation.

9. Neighborhood influence outweighs family background in socialization

By living in one neighborhood rather than another, parents can raise or lower the chances that their children will commit crimes, drop out of school, use drugs, or get pregnant.

Community impact on development. The characteristics of a child's neighborhood and community often have a more significant influence on their development than their family background. This is particularly evident in areas such as:

• Academic achievement
• Delinquency rates
• Substance abuse
• Teen pregnancy
• Career aspirations

Mechanisms of neighborhood influence:

• Peer group norms and behaviors
• Role models and mentors in the community
• Access to resources and opportunities
• Exposure to risk factors or protective factors

Understanding the powerful influence of neighborhoods highlights the importance of community-level interventions and policies in promoting positive child development.

10. Children's cultures: Distinct from adult society and self-perpetuating

Children's cultures are a mixed bag. They can throw anything they like into the bag—anything that is approved by the majority of the children in the group.

Autonomous child cultures. Children create and maintain their own distinct cultures within peer groups, which are often quite different from adult culture. These cultures have their own norms, traditions, and methods of transmission.

Characteristics of children's cultures:

• Games and rituals passed down through generations
• Secret languages or code words
• Strategies for dealing with adults and authority
• Unique interpretations of adult culture elements

Self-perpetuating nature:

• Older children teach younger ones
• Cultural elements persist despite individual turnover
• Resistance to adult attempts at change

Recognizing the existence and power of children's cultures is crucial for understanding child development and creating effective educational and social interventions.

Last updated: January 25, 2025