The Ghost in My Brain

1. Concussion's Hidden Toll: Beyond Physical Symptoms

Yet our society is only grudgingly coming to recognize that concussions are serious and life-changing injuries that may have lingering, undiagnosed symptoms such as emotional difficulties, fatigue, learning problems, and social problems that can last a lifetime.

Beyond the Bruise. Concussions are often perceived as minor head injuries, but their effects can be far-reaching and debilitating, extending beyond immediate physical symptoms. The author's experience highlights the subtle yet profound cognitive, emotional, and social challenges that can persist long after the initial injury.

A Quiet Epidemic. The book underscores the prevalence of traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), particularly mild to moderate cases, which often go undiagnosed or are dismissed as insignificant. This "quiet epidemic" leaves many individuals struggling with a range of symptoms that significantly impact their quality of life.

The Walking Wounded. Many individuals with post-traumatic head injuries are often dismissed as the walking wounded, destined to suffer the pain, frustration, and humiliation of not knowing how much longer their condition will last or how much worse it will become. The author's journey sheds light on the need for greater awareness and understanding of the long-term consequences of concussions, as well as the importance of seeking appropriate diagnosis and treatment.

2. The Brain's Astonishing Complexity and Fragility

The human brain is a magnificent device, and the complexity of the human mind it supports is staggering to ponder.

Computational Powerhouse. The human brain is an incredibly complex and powerful computing device, far surpassing even the most advanced supercomputers in its ability to process information and adapt to new situations. Simulating a single human brain requires exaflop computing speeds, equivalent to networking 50 million desktop computers.

Microscopic Damage, Massive Impact. Despite its resilience, the brain is also surprisingly fragile, and even a seemingly minor blow to the head can cause microscopic damage that disrupts its intricate network of connections. This damage can lead to a wide range of cognitive and motor impairments, affecting everything from memory and attention to balance and coordination.

The Plastic Brain. Fortunately, the brain possesses a remarkable ability to rewire itself and compensate for damaged areas, a phenomenon known as brain plasticity. This plasticity offers hope for recovery from TBI, but it often requires targeted interventions and therapies to stimulate and guide the rewiring process.

3. Sensory Overload: A World Without Filters

From long experience I knew there was not much for me to do but simply wait to find out how this particular scene in my life was going to end.

Losing the Gatekeepers. One of the most debilitating effects of concussion is the loss of sensory filters, which normally help us to prioritize and process information from our environment. Without these filters, the world becomes a chaotic barrage of unfiltered sights, sounds, and smells, leading to sensory overload and cognitive exhaustion.

The Dolly Zoom Effect. The author describes experiencing a visual impairment similar to the "Dolly Zoom Effect," where the background scene bends and distorts, making it difficult to navigate and maintain balance. This effect highlights the brain's struggle to process spatial information and maintain a stable perception of the world.

The Price of Filtering. The constant effort to filter out irrelevant sensory input can be incredibly draining, leaving individuals with TBI feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. This makes it difficult to focus on tasks, engage in social interactions, and even perform simple daily activities.

4. Cognitive Batteries: Managing Limited Mental Energy

By the time high-functioning individuals with post-traumatic head injury notice that their memories are not what they used to be, or that they have difficulty thinking through a problem they could once have easily solved, massive brain damage has occurred on a microscopic level.

The Three Levels of Cognitive Batteries. The author uses the analogy of "cognitive batteries" to describe the limited mental energy available to individuals with TBI. These batteries have varying capacities and recharge rates, and when depleted, can lead to cognitive breakdowns and functional impairments.

Draining the Reserves. Certain activities, such as multitasking, decision-making, and navigating complex environments, can quickly drain the cognitive batteries, leading to fatigue, confusion, and an inability to function effectively. The rate of deterioration depends on the type of brain activity and the individual's current state.

The Importance of Rest. Adequate cognitive rest is crucial for recharging the batteries and restoring cognitive function. However, even seemingly simple activities, such as sleeping or meditating, can be challenging for individuals with TBI, as they may require visual processing or attention that further depletes their limited energy reserves.

5. The Mind-Body Disconnect: Losing Control of Action

I had lost the mysterious initiative that impels us all forward when we walk, and I knew that without brain rest I wouldn’t be getting it back.

The Magic of Initiation. One of the most unsettling effects of concussion is the loss of the ability to initiate action, the seemingly automatic process of translating thought into movement. This can manifest as difficulty getting out of a chair, walking through a doorway, or even making simple decisions.

Spatial Awareness and Motor Control. The author's experience highlights the crucial role of spatial awareness in motor control. Without a clear visual or cognitive map of the environment, the brain struggles to send signals to the muscles, resulting in an inability to initiate movement.

Seeking External Cues. To overcome this challenge, individuals with TBI may rely on external cues, such as verbal commands or physical prompts, to trigger the initiation of action. This underscores the importance of understanding and accommodating the unique needs of individuals with TBI in social and professional settings.

6. Time Warped: The Disrupted Flow of Past, Present, and Future

From within this dim labyrinth I was still just barely managing to power the engine of thought.

The Metaphorical Nature of Time. The author's experience reveals the highly metaphorical nature of our perception of time, which is often based on visual and spatial concepts. Concussion can disrupt these metaphors, leading to a distorted sense of time and difficulty sequencing events.

Losing the NSEW Grid. The author's loss of his innate sense of direction, grounded in the North-South-East-West grid, highlights the interconnectedness of spatial awareness and cognitive function. This loss affected not only his ability to navigate but also his understanding of basic concepts and symbols.

Living in the Eternal Now. The disruption of time perception can lead to a sense of being stuck in the present moment, with limited access to past memories or future plans. This can make it difficult to set goals, make decisions, and engage in activities that require a sense of continuity and purpose.

7. The Alien Within: A Loss of Self and Connection

One of the things concussives share is the feeling of having become an alien being.

The Missing Piece. Concussion can result in a profound sense of alienation and disconnect from one's former self. This feeling stems from the loss of subtle cognitive abilities and emotional nuances that contribute to our sense of identity and connection to the world.

The Walking Nonhumans. The author describes feeling like a "nonhuman" living among real humans, struggling to navigate social interactions and make sense of the world around him. This sense of otherness can be deeply isolating and contribute to feelings of sadness and despair.

The Longing for Home. Despite the challenges, there is a persistent longing to return to the person one once was, to experience the joys and sorrows of being fully human once more. This longing can be a powerful motivator for seeking treatment and recovery, but it can also be a source of profound grief and frustration.

8. Brain Plasticity: Hope for Rewiring and Recovery

Each year we learn more about the plastic brain, so hope remains.

The Brain's Remarkable Adaptability. Brain plasticity, the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, offers hope for recovery from TBI. This plasticity allows the brain to compensate for damaged areas and restore lost functions, but it often requires targeted interventions and therapies.

Cognitive Restructuring and Neuro-Optometric Rehabilitation. The author's recovery was made possible through the courageous work of two brilliant Chicago-area researcher-clinicians, each of whom works at the leading edge of brain science relative to certain kinds of traumatic brain injury. Donalee Markus, Ph.D., rebuilds brains by using puzzles, and Deborah Zelinsky, O.D., accesses the visual cortex and regrows brain pathways using prescription eyeglasses.

A New Paradigm for Treatment. The author's story challenges the traditional medical view that recovery from TBI is limited and that individuals must simply learn to live with their symptoms. It highlights the potential of innovative therapies that harness the brain's plasticity to promote healing and restore function.

9. The Power of Visual and Cognitive Restructuring

I wept tears of joy that I was no longer sentenced to life as an alien living among real humans.

Donalee Markus's Designs for Strong Minds. Donalee Markus, Ph.D., a cognitive restructuring specialist, uses specialized visual puzzles to retrain the brain and restore cognitive function. Her approach focuses on strengthening basic cognitive skills, such as attention, memory, and spatial reasoning, to rebuild the foundation for higher-level thinking.

Deborah Zelinsky's Mind-Eye Connection. Deborah Zelinsky, O.D., an optometrist specializing in neuro-optometric rehabilitation, uses customized lenses to access the visual cortex and regrow brain pathways. Her approach recognizes the crucial role of the visual system in brain function and utilizes targeted visual stimulation to promote neural rewiring.

A Holistic Approach to Recovery. The combination of cognitive restructuring and neuro-optometric rehabilitation proved to be a powerful catalyst for the author's recovery. By addressing both the cognitive and visual aspects of brain function, these therapies helped him to regain control of his life and reclaim his sense of self.

10. The Ghost Returns: Reclaiming a Lost Self

Years later I underwent cognitive treatment based on the new principles of brain plasticity. Shortly thereafter, one evening outside my office at DePaul University, I felt the ghost return.

The Return of the "Me". The author's experience of feeling the "ghost" return highlights the profound impact of brain injury on one's sense of self. This return represents a reconnection with the cognitive abilities, emotional nuances, and personal identity that were lost in the moment of impact.

A New Lease on Life. The author's recovery is not just a story of physical and cognitive restoration but also a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It offers hope and inspiration to millions of people who have suffered brain injuries and are seeking to reclaim their lives.

A Call for Awareness and Action. The author's story serves as a call for greater awareness and understanding of the hidden toll of concussions, as well as the importance of seeking appropriate diagnosis and treatment. It underscores the need for a more compassionate and effective approach to caring for individuals with TBI, one that recognizes their unique challenges and supports their journey toward recovery.

Last updated: February 23, 2025