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Real Men Don't Text

Real Men Don't Text

A New Approach to Dating
by Ruthie Dean 2013 240 pages
3.92
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Real Men Don't Text: Set Standards for Communication

Real men respect standards—get some!

Texting is a lazy form of communication that often leads to confusion and disappointment in relationships. It's easy for men to hide behind screens and avoid real commitment. Instead, women should set clear standards for communication, such as:

  • Expecting phone calls for making plans
  • Refusing to respond to late-night or last-minute invitations
  • Avoiding "hangouts" in favor of proper dates
  • Not engaging in sexting or sending compromising photos

By setting these standards, women can weed out men who aren't seriously interested and attract those who are willing to put in effort. Remember, a man who truly likes you will call and make plans in advance.

2. Embrace Your Worth and Beauty

You are worth loving, not because of what you bring to a relationship, but because you have worth deep inside your being that no one can take away.

Self-worth is fundamental to attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. Many women struggle with feeling unworthy or unattractive, often due to past experiences or societal pressures. To build self-worth:

  • Identify and challenge negative self-talk
  • Practice self-care and develop healthy habits
  • Set boundaries in relationships
  • Surround yourself with positive, supportive people

Remember that your worth is not determined by your relationship status or others' opinions. Embracing your inherent value will help you attract partners who treat you with respect and care.

3. Physical Intimacy: Wait for Marriage

Purity paves the way for intimacy.

Waiting for sex until marriage can lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. This approach:

  • Allows for clearer judgment in choosing a partner
  • Builds trust and emotional intimacy
  • Reduces the risk of emotional pain from casual encounters
  • Aligns with many people's religious or moral values

While this choice may be challenging, it can help ensure that physical intimacy is shared within a committed, loving relationship. For those who have already been sexually active, it's never too late to make a new commitment to waiting.

4. Recognize Red Flags and Avoid Bad Relationships

Dating the wrong guy makes you more likely to marry the wrong guy.

Identifying red flags early can save you from heartache and wasted time. Some common red flags include:

  • Inconsistent communication or behavior
  • Disrespect or criticism towards you or others
  • Unwillingness to commit or make future plans
  • Addiction issues or financial irresponsibility
  • Anger problems or controlling behavior

Don't make excuses for bad behavior or convince yourself you can change someone. If you notice these signs, it's better to end the relationship early rather than hoping things will improve over time.

5. Give Nice Guys a Chance: Look Beyond Chemistry

Chemistry is not a necessity in marriage, but more of an added bonus.

Connection is more important than initial chemistry for long-term relationship success. Many women overlook kind, stable men in favor of those who create immediate sparks. To find a lasting partner:

  • Be open to dating men who may not fit your "type"
  • Focus on shared values and life goals
  • Look for emotional compatibility and friendship
  • Give relationships time to develop before making judgments

Remember that intense chemistry can fade, but a deep connection based on mutual respect and understanding can grow stronger over time.

6. Develop Character and Address Personal Issues

The past is the best predictor of the future.

Work on yourself before seeking a partner. Unresolved personal issues will likely surface in your relationships. Key areas to address include:

  • Childhood traumas or unresolved family issues
  • Addictions or unhealthy coping mechanisms
  • Financial irresponsibility
  • Anger or communication problems
  • Unrealistic expectations about relationships

Seeking therapy, developing healthy habits, and working on personal growth will make you a better partner and attract healthier relationships.

7. Navigate Online Dating Safely and Effectively

The goal of online connections is always to take the relationship off-line.

Online dating can be a useful tool if approached wisely. To use it effectively:

  • Create an honest, balanced profile
  • Move from messaging to phone calls quickly
  • Meet in person within a reasonable timeframe
  • Be aware of common red flags (e.g., reluctance to meet, inconsistent information)
  • Prioritize safety (e.g., meeting in public places, informing friends of your plans)

Remember that the goal is to establish a real-world connection, not to maintain a digital relationship indefinitely.

8. Prepare for Marriage by Working on Yourself

Marriage will not fix you, change you, or heal your deepest wounds.

Focus on personal growth rather than finding "the one" to solve your problems. Key areas to work on include:

  • Emotional maturity and self-awareness
  • Financial responsibility
  • Communication skills
  • Healthy boundaries
  • Conflict resolution abilities

By addressing these areas, you'll be better prepared for a healthy marriage and less likely to rely on your partner to "complete" you. Remember that a strong marriage is built on two whole individuals coming together, not two halves seeking completion.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.92 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Real Men Don't Text offers a fresh perspective on modern dating, emphasizing the importance of genuine communication over texting. Readers appreciate its practical advice, personal anecdotes, and Christian viewpoint. The book encourages women to set standards, avoid settling, and recognize red flags. While some find certain suggestions challenging, many recommend it for young adults navigating relationships. The authors' honesty about their own experiences resonates with readers, making it a relatable guide for those seeking meaningful connections in the digital age.

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About the Author

Ruthie and Michael Dean are a married couple who authored "Real Men Don't Text" based on their own long-distance love story. Ruthie lived in China while Michael was in Germany when they fell in love. Now residing in Nashville, they enjoy running, technology-free Sunday coffee dates, and driving Michael's classic Ford truck. Ruthie maintains a blog at ruthiedean.com where readers can share their own dating experiences. The couple is active on Twitter, engaging with their audience about love, dating, and relationships.

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