Rage Becomes Her

1. Women's Anger Is Systematically Suppressed

There is not a woman alive who does not understand that women’s anger is openly reviled.

Cultural conditioning. From childhood, girls are taught to fear, ignore, and transform their anger, while boys are often encouraged to express it, albeit within certain limits. This creates a societal norm where anger is seen as unfeminine and unattractive, leading women to internalize these beliefs.

Social costs. Women who express anger in institutional, political, and professional settings often face aversion, are perceived as hostile or less competent, and are deemed unlikeable. This creates a significant barrier to women's advancement and participation in public life.

Binary gender schemas. These deeply ingrained generalizations about male and female roles and attributes powerfully influence how emotions are experienced and received. Challenging these schemas is essential for creating a more equitable society where women's anger is acknowledged and respected.

2. Gendered Expectations Shape Emotional Expression

Sex bias leads us to see happiness and fear on women’s faces more easily, categorizing women’s neutral faces as less angry than men’s faces.

Early biases. From infancy, adults attribute different emotional states to babies based on perceived gender, with fussy boys seen as irritable and angry, while fussy girls are more likely to be described as fearful or sad. This sets the stage for lifelong patterns of emotional expression.

Power dynamics. Anger is often associated with power and control, while sadness is linked to weakness and submission. By discouraging women from expressing anger, society effectively limits their ability to assert themselves, challenge injustice, and effect change.

Cognitive benefits. Anger, unlike sadness, encourages "unstructured thinking" and can lead to more creative and original ideas. Separating anger from femininity deprives women of a valuable cognitive tool.

3. Objectification Fuels Shame and Suppresses Anger

When your ability to gauge insult is worn away by learning to see yourself mainly in terms of usefulness to others, there is no expectation.

Dehumanization. The constant barrage of images and messages that sexualize, commodify, and degrade women's bodies contributes to a sense of objectification, where women are seen as instruments rather than individuals with agency and rights.

Self-surveillance. Internalizing objectification leads to self-surveillance, where women constantly monitor their appearance and behavior to conform to societal expectations. This consumes mental resources and impairs cognitive function.

Mental health impacts. Self-objectification is linked to higher rates of suppressed anger, self-silencing, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction. It creates a cycle of shame and powerlessness that undermines women's well-being.

4. Unacknowledged Anger Manifests in Physical and Mental Ills

In women, that anger, constantly self-restricted, loops back on itself.

Somatization. Unexpressed anger often manifests physically, leading to headaches, muscle tension, and other stress-related symptoms. This is particularly common in women who prioritize the needs of others and suppress their own feelings.

Hormonal and immune system effects. Repressed anger can disrupt the hormonal system, weaken the immune system, and increase the risk of heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and certain cancers.

Pain perception. Women report feeling pain more frequently and intensely than men, and their pain is often minimized or dismissed by medical professionals. Unacknowledged anger plays a significant role in this disparity.

5. The Caring Mandate Burdens Women

This tacit, and sometimes explicit, mandate that women care has remained remarkably inflexible in the face of other societal changes related to gender roles.

Unequal distribution of labor. Despite women's increasing participation in the workforce, they continue to bear the brunt of household chores, childcare, eldercare, and emotional labor. This creates a significant time deficit and contributes to stress and exhaustion.

Prioritization of male needs. Women are often expected to prioritize the needs and feelings of others, particularly men, over their own. This can lead to self-silencing, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Economic consequences. The caring mandate limits women's economic opportunities and contributes to the gender wage gap. Women are often relegated to lower-paying, care-intensive jobs and face discrimination when they seek workplace flexibility.

6. Motherhood Intensifies Societal Pressures

By effectively severing anger from “good womanhood,” we chose to sever girls and women from the emotion that best protects us against danger and injustice.

Objectification during pregnancy. Pregnant women are often treated as vessels or incubators, with their own needs and experiences minimized or ignored. This can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and a loss of control over their bodies.

Postnatal distress. Many women experience postpartum depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges, often compounded by a lack of support and understanding. These feelings are often stigmatized, making it difficult for women to seek help.

Motherhood penalties. Mothers face discrimination in the workplace, including lower pay, fewer opportunities for advancement, and negative stereotypes about their competence and commitment. This creates financial insecurity and adds to their stress.

7. Dismissal of Women's Anger Perpetuates Injustice

When we are taught that our anger is undesirable, selfish, powerless, and ugly, we learn that we are undesirable, selfish, powerless, and ugly.

Invalidation of experiences. Women's anger is often dismissed as irrational, hysterical, or overemotional, undermining their credibility and silencing their voices. This makes it difficult for them to challenge injustice and demand change.

Internalized misogyny. Women internalize societal messages about their inferiority and unworthiness, leading to self-doubt, self-blame, and a reluctance to express anger. This perpetuates a cycle of oppression and limits their potential.

System justification. People often deny or minimize the existence of sexism to maintain a sense of order and fairness in the world. This can lead to victim-blaming and a resistance to addressing systemic inequalities.

8. Reclaiming Anger Empowers Women and Challenges the Status Quo

Saying “I am angry” is a necessary first step to “Listen.” “Believe me.” “Trust me.” “I know.” “Time to do something.”

Moral and political property. Anger is a rational and emotional response to trespass, violation, and moral disorder. It bridges the divide between what "is" and what "ought" to be, between a difficult past and an improved possibility.

Personal and collective resource. By expressing anger and demanding to be heard, women challenge the status quo and assert their right to participate in shaping the world around them. This is a necessary step towards achieving equality and justice.

Catalyst for change. Women around the world are using their anger to fuel social movements, challenge oppressive systems, and advocate for a more equitable future. This collective action is essential for creating lasting change.

9. Anger Competence Requires Self-Awareness and Community

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.

Understanding your anger. Recognizing your personal anger patterns, triggers, and responses is crucial for managing it effectively. This includes identifying whether you tend to express anger openly or suppress it, and understanding the underlying emotions that fuel your rage.

Expressing anger constructively. Learning to communicate your anger in a clear, assertive, and respectful manner is essential for building healthy relationships and achieving desired outcomes. This involves choosing your words carefully, avoiding personal attacks, and focusing on the issue at hand.

Seeking support. Connecting with other women who understand and validate your anger can provide a sense of community and empowerment. Sharing your experiences and learning from others can help you develop more effective coping strategies and challenge internalized misogyny.

10. The Personal Is Political: Women's Anger Demands Systemic Change

Mainly, it props up a profoundly corrupt status quo.

Challenging power structures. Women's anger is often directed at systems of power that perpetuate inequality and injustice. By challenging these systems, women can create a more equitable and just world for themselves and others.

Demanding accountability. Holding individuals and institutions accountable for their actions is essential for preventing future harm and creating a culture of respect and responsibility. This includes reporting harassment and abuse, advocating for policy changes, and supporting organizations that fight for women's rights.

Creating a new vision. Reclaiming anger is not just about reacting to injustice, but also about envisioning a better future. By channeling their anger into creative expression, political activism, and community building, women can create a world where their voices are heard, their experiences are valued, and their anger is respected.

Last updated: March 14, 2025