Pebbles of Perception

1. Curiosity Fuels Wisdom: Ask Better Questions

A questioning mentality is far more effective than a knowing mentality.

Power of inquiry. Curiosity is the engine of discovery, and asking the right questions is more valuable than having all the answers. Instead of rushing to conclusions, cultivate a mindset that seeks to understand the "why" behind things. This involves moving beyond first-level thinking, which focuses on the obvious, to second-level thinking, which considers underlying factors and possibilities.

Reframing problems. Innovators and entrepreneurs use questions to challenge assumptions and explore new possibilities. For example, instead of asking "How can we improve this product?", they might ask "What problem are we really trying to solve?" or "What if we approached this from a completely different angle?". This approach can lead to breakthroughs and innovative solutions.

Better conversations. Asking open-ended questions improves the quality of communication and fosters deeper understanding. Instead of lecturing, be interested. Ask questions like "What would you do if you were not afraid?" or "What if we did more of what we enjoy?". This approach can unlock new perspectives and possibilities.

2. Lifelong Learning: Embrace Continuous Growth

Choosing lifelong learning is one of the few good choices that can make a big difference in our lives.

Growth mindset. Choose lifelong learning over a "flat-line" approach. Commit to learning something new every day, no matter how small. This continuous growth mindset is not only more interesting but also remarkably powerful over time.

Learning through experience. Direct experience, coupled with thoughtful reflection, is the richest source of learning. Reflect on what you learned, how you felt, and what interests were at play. This process hardwires the learning in your brain and gives you a depth of context and relevance.

Indirect learning. Reading is the fountain of indirect learning. Learn how to read for understanding, not just for information or entertainment. Use techniques like the Feynman Technique to test your understanding by explaining concepts in simple terms with clear analogies.

3. Listening Deeply: Understand Before Being Understood

There can be no real understanding without listening.

Learning lens. Choose a "learning lens" over a "lecturing lens" in communication. Approach every conversation with an open mind, seeking to understand the other person's perspective. This involves paying attention not just with your ears but also with your eyes and senses.

Lens distorters. Be aware of the "lens distorters" that can frustrate clear communication, such as the limits of language, different histories and cultures, and irrational expectations of rationality. These factors can cause misinterpretations and misunderstandings.

Active listening. Make the other person the star. Bring out the best in them by helping them get their views properly heard and understood. Be courteous, avoid criticism, and double-check your gut feelings. Choose quality over quantity in communication.

4. Incentives Drive Behavior: Align Them Wisely

Incentives matter a lot. They are what drive behavior, and we underestimate their power at our peril.

Power of incentives. Incentives are powerful drivers of behavior. To understand a situation, carefully consider the interests at play. We navigate the shortest path to the incentive. Be aware of the distorting power of incentives, which can overly focus behavior and lead to unintended consequences.

Perverse incentives. Many incentives designed with a primary purpose in mind backfire because the designers fail to consider other affected interests. For example, monetary rewards for exterminating unwanted animals can lead to people breeding those animals.

Beyond monetary rewards. Incentives are not just monetary. People are also motivated by recognition, public perception, and the value of pursuing work they can be proud of. Appeal to both net worth and self-worth. Design incentives to bring out the best in people.

5. Context Matters: See Beyond the Obvious

You cannot understand the view without the point of view.

Context dependency. Life is context-dependent. Very few "answers" are right in all circumstances. Be wary of dogmatic behavior and absolute thinking. Instead, choose assessments over assertions.

Absence blindness. Humans are good at judging what's in front of them but terrible at considering what's missing. Always consider what might be missing and how it might change the context.

Contextual confidence. Aim for "contextual confidence" rather than absolute certainty. Be assured yet open-minded. Always consider whether there is a better question, and use checklists and decision-making frameworks to help you.

6. Character Defines Choice: Live with Integrity

We build character through our actions and our motivations.

Foundation of good choices. Character is the foundation for good choices. It is built through integrity and authenticity. Good choices are those that rest on the foundation of good character.

Consider the end. Start by considering the end. What does a fulfilling life look like? What would represent a great life? Use inversion to consider the opposite: What would a truly wasted life look like?

Ray Dalio's approach. Know what you want, know what's true, know what you need to do, and do it. This simple yet powerful approach can guide you in the pursuit of a life well-lived.

7. Fear is a Thought: Choose Courage Over Regret

Fear is mostly a thought-based construct.

Fact-based vs. thought-based fear. Fact-based fear occurs when you face an immediate danger. Thought-based fear is worrying about the past or being fearful for the future. Most fears are thought-based time distortions.

Fear of the future. Fear of the future is often associated with anticipated loss. Comparison causes fear. Envy causes fear. Drop comparisons, attachments, and demands to be free of fear.

Leaving the harbor of regret. Cultivate a wide range of interests and relationships. The consequences of loss are never as bad as our thought-based fears imagine. We always have the capacity to choose our reaction. Choose real life over regret.

8. Know, Be, and Mind Yourself: The Foundation of Well-being

Above all, know thyself.

Know yourself. Knowing yourself is fundamental. Examine and reflect on your feelings. Ask exploratory questions. What are your best and worst attributes? What do you aspire to be?

Be yourself. Be yourself by accepting yourself. Strive to be yourself, and cherish your individuality. Don't act on other people's expectations. Be happy in your own skin.

Mind yourself. Minding yourself is something that can't be delegated. Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Pursue a purpose, aim for balance, rest, accept what is, stand up for yourself, and believe in something bigger than yourself.

9. Kindness Matters: Especially to Parents

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

Reciprocity. Our tendency to return favors is usually proportional, but we can feel a lesser sense of proportionality towards those closest to us.

Kindness to parents. Show gratitude to your parents, especially your mother. Show appreciation, spend time together, and make small gestures of kindness. Write a letter explaining why you are grateful.

Kindness is not just for strangers. Be kind to those closest to you.

10. Sales is Service: Influence with Integrity

Everyone is in sales.

Sales is about service. Sales is about making friends with people on the ground. It's about helping people to buy, not selling to them. Be frank, honest, and believe in your product or service.

Negotiation skills. Prepare, seek bigger pies, take your time, understand underlying interests, understand perception, maximize perceived power, rarely accept the first offer, believe everything is negotiable, delve into differences, and build on common ground.

Influence principles. Use reciprocation, scarcity, social proof, authority, consistency, and liking to influence others. Add integrity to your natural ability and understanding of the science.

11. Adversity is Inevitable: Grow Through It

As soon as there is life there is danger.

Nature of adversity. Adversity is inevitable, indiscriminate, and arbitrary. Bad things can and do happen to good people. Reflect on the lives of people who have suffered trauma to put your own trials in perspective.

Recognition and acceptance. When you face adversity, ask yourself: What is life expecting of me now? Choose the high road of acceptance, awareness, perspective, and perseverance over the low road of avoidance and anger.

Re-writing your story. Update your life story to incorporate the adversarial event. Choose a "survivor narrative" or a "growth narrative" to interpret the event as an opportunity to demonstrate resilience and take ownership of your future.

12. True Friendship: A Gift to Give and Receive

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person.

Value of friendship. Friendship is the thread that binds the fabric of humanity. Cultivating friendships is an important life pursuit. Choose your friends wisely.

Qualities of a true friend. A true friend speaks the truth lovingly, doesn't judge, keeps you from becoming your own worst enemy, celebrates your victories, helps you find your own path, accepts you for who you are, forgives you, expects nothing, and is always there.

Be WARM. Be welcoming, authentic, reliable, and mutually respectful. To be a true friend is the greatest gift you can give and receive.

Last updated: January 14, 2025