How To Do Things You Hate

1. Unmasking Laziness: Understand the Root Causes

Your laziness (for lack of a better word) is unique to you, and that means that the way you get better will also be unique to you.

Beyond Simple Definitions. Laziness isn't a straightforward character flaw but a complex interplay of behaviors, beliefs, attitudes, habits, and emotions. It often overlaps with procrastination, lack of motivation, depression, and faulty self-concept. Recognizing this complexity is the first step to addressing it effectively.

Underlying Causes. The book identifies several underlying causes of what we commonly label as laziness, including confusion ("I don't know what to do"), fear ("I can't do it"), a fixed mindset ("I can't fail"), fatigue ("I'm too exhausted"), apathy ("I couldn't care less"), low self-belief ("I'm just a lazy person"), loss of heart ("Everything's such a mess"), and comfort orientation ("I'll do it later"). Each of these requires a different approach.

Unique Solutions. Because the root causes of laziness are unique to each individual, the solutions must also be tailored. This requires an open mind, curiosity, and self-compassion. The book emphasizes that understanding the "why" behind your behavior is crucial for creating lasting change.

2. Self-Mastery: The Shaolin Monks' Perspective

Within this philosophy, an important teaching is the “five hindrances of self-mastery.”

Eastern Wisdom. Drawing from Shaolin martial arts culture and philosophy, the book introduces the "five hindrances of self-mastery": sensual desire, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness, and doubt/skepticism. These represent mental states that obstruct clear perception, wise decision-making, and goal achievement.

Five Hindrances.

• Sensual Desire: Distraction via the senses.
• Ill Will: Resistance and rejection of difficult things.
• Sloth and Torpor: Depression, hopelessness, and inertia.
• Restlessness: A wandering mind and lack of focus.
• Doubt/Skepticism: Lack of self-esteem and confidence.

RAIN Method. The book presents the RAIN method (recognize, accept, investigate, non-identification) as a tool for overcoming these hindrances. This involves becoming aware of your state of mind, acknowledging it without judgment, understanding its causes and consequences, and recognizing that your thoughts and feelings do not define who you are.

3. Experiential Avoidance: Breaking the Roundabout

The way to stop the roundabout is to accept and embrace your experience—all of it!

The Worst Coping Mechanism. Experiential avoidance (EA) is identified as a major obstacle to self-discipline. It involves trying to avoid unpleasant feelings, which ultimately creates more suffering in the long run. This leads to a "roundabout" where you get trapped in a cycle of avoidance and negative consequences.

Forms of Avoidance. EA manifests in various ways, including striving, numbing, tension, distraction, giving up, rushing, intellectualizing, and procrastinating. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for breaking free from the cycle.

Acceptance is Key. The book emphasizes that acceptance is the key to stopping the roundabout. This doesn't mean wanting pain or asking for it to continue, but acknowledging reality as it is. By choosing not to add "second darts" (judgment, analysis) to inevitable pain, you can move on from it more quickly.

4. The Discipline Mindset: Embrace Discomfort

It is precisely in times of immunity from care that the soul should toughen itself beforehand for occasions of greater stress, and it is while Fortune is kind that it should fortify itself against her violence.

Beyond Actions. True self-discipline is not just about what you do, but the mindset behind those actions. This involves embracing discomfort, developing psychological flexibility, and cultivating emotional self-regulation.

Comfort Creep. The book warns against "comfort creep," where increasing comfort and convenience lead to a decreased ability to tolerate uncertainty, risk, and failure. To counter this, it suggests deliberately engaging in activities that make you uncomfortable.

Voluntary Discomfort. Practices like misogi (undertaking epic challenges in nature) and incorporating doses of discomfort into daily life (fasting, strenuous physical activity, embracing boredom) can expand your capabilities, fortify your resilience, and boost your confidence.

5. Psychological Flexibility: ACT on Your Values

ACT is about learning to stay focused on what you value no matter what negative or uncomfortable sensations arise—this ability is what is termed psychological flexibility.

Coping with Change. Psychological flexibility is defined as the ability to continually take action in accordance with one's values, despite change, uncertainty, and distress. This is contrasted with psychological inflexibility, which leads to avoidance and reliance on knee-jerk reactions.

ACT Framework. The book introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a framework for developing psychological flexibility. This involves shifting from experiential avoidance to willingness to experience, from fusion to defusion, from past/future focus to present-moment awareness, and from inaction to committed, value-driven action.

Six Mindset Shifts. To increase psychological flexibility, the book suggests six mindset shifts: acceptance, cognitive defusion, present moment contact, self-as-context, values, and committed action. These shifts empower you to stay focused on what matters, regardless of negative sensations.

6. Emotional Control: The 90-Second Rule

When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a ninety-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.

Choosing Your Response. Emotional control is the ability to choose your response to a situation rather than allowing the situation to determine your choice. This doesn't mean becoming emotionless, but rather having emotions occupy a different place in your world.

The 90-Second Rule. Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor's "90-second rule" states that the initial chemical reaction to an emotional trigger lasts only 90 seconds. Any remaining emotional response is a result of your own thoughts re-stimulating the chemical changes.

Four Strategies. The book offers four strategies for working with the 90-second window: get to know your red flags, identify the emotional reaction, label the emotion, and practice acceptance. By mastering these strategies, you can break free from emotional loops and make more intentional choices.

7. Procrastination Doom Loop: Breaking the Cycle

At its core, procrastination is about not being able to manage your moods and emotions.

More Than Time Management. Procrastination is not simply a matter of poor time management or laziness, but is amplified and driven by negative emotions. Recognizing the influence of these emotions is crucial for tackling procrastination effectively.

The Doom Loop. The book describes the "procrastination doom loop," where putting off a task leads to guilt, shame, and anxiety, which further reduces the likelihood of completing the task. This cycle is maintained by perfectionism, fear of success, and a sense of powerlessness.

Breaking the Cycle. To break the procrastination doom loop, the book suggests practicing self-compassion, reframing your thoughts, and taking baby steps. The key is to commit to action in the present, even if it's tiny and even if you are not in the right mood.

8. Attention Mastery: Finding Your Flashlight

The strength and focus of our attentional flashlight impact our perception, biases, judgments, actions, effectiveness, and overall happiness.

Three Modes of Attention. According to Amisha Jha, our attention operates in three major modes: flashlight (orienting system), caution sign (alerting system), and juggler (executive functioning). Understanding these modes is crucial for mastering your attention.

Improving Focus. To improve your focus, the first step is to develop the skill of noticing when your attentional flashlight has wandered away from the task at hand. This involves repeatedly bringing your attention back to the target object whenever it wanders off.

Everyday Practice. The book offers a simple exercise for finding your flashlight, involving sitting in an upright posture, following your breath, and gently returning your attention to a chosen area of the body whenever it wanders. This practice helps you gain awareness over what your attention is focusing on and learn to direct it where you want it to shine.

9. The Arrow Model: Fueling Focused Attention

Stress itself can increase the ability to focus and concentrate.

Neurochemical Aspects. The book introduces the "arrow model" of focus, which uses the metaphor of an arrow to explain the neurochemical aspects of motivation, attention, and focus. The shaft represents epinephrine (energy), the arrowhead represents acetylcholine (focus), and dopamine binds them together (motivation).

Three Strategies. To improve each aspect of attention, the book suggests three strategies: increase epinephrine levels (caffeine, healthy stress), increase acetylcholine levels (visualization exercises, distraction-free environment, diet), and regulate dopamine levels (exercise, protein, gut health, sleep, sun exposure).

Embodied Self. The arrow model reminds us that the "mind" is ultimately a function of our physical body. Maintaining the health of your body is non-negotiable for better self-discipline and attention.

10. Spartan Discipline: Improvement by Subtraction

The successful warrior is the average man with laser-like focus.

Doing Less, Not More. Spartan discipline emphasizes doing less of what is harmful or unproductive, rather than solely focusing on doing more good. This requires thinking carefully about what you won't do and eliminating everything that is a waste of time.

Improvement by Subtraction. The book contrasts improvement by addition (doing more of what works) with improvement by subtraction (doing less of what doesn't work). The latter involves eliminating mistakes, reducing complexity, and stripping away the inessential.

Laser-Like Focus. The Spartans had a goal so singular that the entire nation shared it: supreme military mastery. They succeeded by focusing all their energy on that one goal and eliminating everything else. Simplicity breeds success.

11. Ultradian Rhythms: Working with Your Body

Sometimes, the most disciplined thing you can do is take a nap.

Beyond Sheer Willpower. Self-discipline is not just about pushing through fatigue with sheer force of will, but also about understanding and working with your body's natural rhythms. This involves recognizing that rest is valuable and that moderation is smarter than the all-or-nothing approach.

Ultradian Rhythms. The book introduces ultradian rhythms, which are smaller cycles within the circadian rhythms that occur approximately every 90-120 minutes. These cycles involve oscillations between activity and rest states.

Energy Management. By scheduling your most challenging work during energy peaks and your rest periods during energy slumps, you can operate at the very upper limits of what is possible for you biologically. This requires a mindset shift: there is no virtue in pushing yourself against your body's natural rhythms.

12. Pre-Game Routine: Conquering Motivation Threshold

Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit.

Motivation is Fleeting. Self-disciplined people understand that motivation levels rise and fall, and they are prepared for the times when they lack motivation. This involves having strategies to work with those moments and refuse to let them be a reason to give up.

Pre-Game Routine. The book suggests developing a "pre-game routine" as a way to pull yourself out of a funk and reach a state where you can perform well no matter what. This routine involves specific actions that warm up the body and prepare the mind for competition.

Three Steps. The book offers three steps for developing your own pre-game routine: make it easy, get moving (literally), and be consistent. By automating your actions through habit, you save time and energy and make it easier to overcome the motivation threshold.

Last updated: March 1, 2025