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How to Become an Alpha Male

How to Become an Alpha Male

Attract Women and Become Successful at Seduction
by John Alexander 2005 270 pages
3.76
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Develop an Alpha Male Mindset for Attracting Women

"As an alpha male, you have the frame that you are a good catch, not her."

Shift your perspective. Adopt the mindset that you are the prize women should seek to win over. This attitude stems from genuine self-confidence and high self-esteem, not arrogance. Cultivate an internal locus of control, taking responsibility for your life and choices rather than blaming external factors.

Embody alpha traits. Develop characteristics associated with alpha males:

  • Leadership and decisiveness
  • Emotional stability and resilience
  • Assertiveness without aggression
  • Passion and ambition in life
  • Comfort with your sexuality

Avoid beta behaviors. Eliminate habits that undermine your alpha status:

  • Seeking constant approval or validation
  • Being overly deferential or submissive
  • Complaining or displaying a victim mentality
  • Putting women on pedestals

2. Master Body Language and Non-Verbal Communication

"Your eyes are the number one nonverbal cue that tells people you're an alpha male."

Project confidence through posture. Stand tall with your shoulders back and chest open. Take up space confidently, avoiding closed-off or defensive postures. Move deliberately and unhurriedly, demonstrating comfort in your surroundings.

Harness the power of eye contact. Maintain steady, relaxed eye contact to convey confidence and intensity. Avoid darting eyes or looking down, which signal insecurity. Practice the following:

  • Hold eye contact about 70% of the time when speaking
  • Allow your gaze to soften slightly for a more intimate effect
  • Look away occasionally to avoid appearing overly intense

Refine your facial expressions and gestures. Cultivate a relaxed, slightly amused expression as your default. Smile genuinely but sparingly for maximum impact. Use deliberate, controlled gestures to emphasize points rather than fidgeting or making rapid, nervous movements.

3. Cultivate Confidence and High Self-Esteem

"To become completely confident, think thoughts such as, 'I am the shit.'"

Embrace positive self-talk. Replace negative internal dialogue with empowering affirmations. Regularly remind yourself of your positive qualities, accomplishments, and potential. Challenge and reframe self-limiting beliefs that undermine your confidence.

Take action to build competence. Confidence stems from genuine ability and achievement. Set goals and consistently work towards them in various areas of life:

  • Career advancement
  • Physical fitness and health
  • Skill development (e.g., public speaking, martial arts)
  • Personal growth and learning

Practice self-acceptance. Acknowledge your flaws and areas for improvement without harsh self-judgment. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you'd offer a good friend. Focus on progress rather than perfection.

4. Approach and Converse with Women Effectively

"Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something."

Use neutral openers. Begin conversations with women using casual, non-threatening openers that don't immediately reveal your interest. This helps bypass initial defenses and allows for a more natural interaction.

Lead the conversation. Take charge of the interaction's direction and flow. Have a mental list of interesting topics prepared, but remain flexible and responsive to her input. Possible conversation areas include:

  • Travel experiences or aspirations
  • Passions and hobbies
  • Funny or unusual life stories
  • Pop culture and entertainment
  • Dreams and life goals

Practice active listening. Show genuine interest in her responses. Ask follow-up questions and relate her experiences to your own when appropriate. This builds rapport and demonstrates your social intelligence.

5. Create Emotional Connections Through Conversation

"For women to get into a sexual mindset, they must be engaged emotionally."

Focus on emotions, not logic. Frame your conversations and stories to emphasize feelings and experiences rather than dry facts or intellectual arguments. Use vivid descriptions and animated storytelling to evoke emotional responses.

Share vulnerabilities strategically. Reveal minor insecurities or challenges you've overcome to appear more relatable and human. This encourages her to open up as well, deepening the emotional connection.

Use humor and playfulness. Incorporate light teasing, witty observations, and playful banter to keep the interaction fun and engaging. Avoid overt sexual jokes or crude humor, which can be off-putting early on.

6. Understand and Respond to Female Attraction Signals

"Just assume at all times that the woman is attracted to you."

Recognize common indicators of interest. Look for a combination of verbal and non-verbal cues:

  • Prolonged eye contact and dilated pupils
  • Frequent smiling and laughing at your jokes
  • Playing with hair or jewelry
  • Mirroring your body language
  • Finding excuses to touch you
  • Asking personal questions about your life

Maintain an abundance mentality. Assume attraction but don't become overly invested in any one interaction. This keeps you relaxed and prevents needy or desperate behavior that can turn women off.

Escalate gradually based on her responses. As you notice more signs of interest, slowly increase your own displays of attraction through body language, touch, and more personal conversation topics.

7. Escalate Physical Touch and Intimacy Naturally

"Touch the woman as if it's completely natural. Don't make a big deal out of it."

Start with casual, socially acceptable touches. Begin with brief touches on neutral areas like the arm or shoulder during conversation. Gauge her comfort level and receptiveness before progressing.

Increase intimacy gradually. As rapport builds, move to more personal forms of touch:

  1. Hand-holding or playful hand games
  2. Guiding her by the lower back when walking
  3. Touching her face to remove an "eyelash" or food crumb
  4. Sitting close enough for your legs to touch
  5. Placing your arm around her shoulders or waist

Create pretexts for touch. Use natural opportunities within the interaction to initiate contact, such as:

  • Comparing hand sizes
  • Examining jewelry or accessories
  • Teaching her a handshake or high-five game
  • Guiding her through a crowd

8. Overcome Fear of Rejection and Persist

"Rejection from a woman is a victory. It means that you had the guts to go for it with her."

Reframe rejection positively. View each rejection as a learning experience and a step towards success. Celebrate the fact that you took action rather than remaining passive.

Desensitize yourself through exposure. Consistently approach and interact with women to reduce anxiety over time. Set small, achievable goals to build momentum:

  • Strike up conversations with strangers daily
  • Approach a certain number of women per week
  • Practice asking for phone numbers or dates

Focus on the process, not outcomes. Shift your attention from getting specific results to improving your skills and enjoying the interactions themselves. This reduces pressure and allows for more natural, relaxed behavior.

9. Maintain Frame Control in Interactions

"Because you control your interaction with a woman, so you want to set the right frame of mind."

Lead decisively. Make clear decisions about plans and activities rather than constantly deferring to her preferences. This demonstrates confidence and reduces her mental burden.

Hold firm on your values and boundaries. Don't compromise your principles or change your behavior simply to please a woman. Respectfully disagree when appropriate and be willing to walk away from situations that don't align with your standards.

Respond to tests with amused mastery. When a woman challenges you or acts dismissively, maintain your composure and respond with humor or playful indifference rather than becoming defensive or upset.

10. Choose Appropriate Dating Venues and Activities

"Take her to a place that's not traditionally associated with 'romance.'"

Opt for casual, low-pressure environments. Choose venues that allow for easy conversation and a relaxed atmosphere. Good options include:

  • Coffee shops
  • Art galleries or museums
  • Parks or outdoor spaces
  • Casual restaurants or food trucks
  • Activity-based dates (e.g., mini-golf, cooking classes)

Avoid typical "romantic" settings. Steer clear of fancy restaurants, movies, or other traditional date spots that create expectations and pressure.

Plan interactive experiences. Select activities that allow you to engage with each other and create shared memories:

  • Local festivals or events
  • Board game cafes
  • Rock climbing or other active pursuits
  • Volunteering together
  • Exploring a new neighborhood

11. Improve Your Appearance and Style

"You can't do anything about your genetics. Your fitness level, however, is totally within your control, and it is a significant part of what makes you look good to a woman."

Prioritize physical fitness. Develop a consistent exercise routine that includes both strength training and cardiovascular activities. Focus on building a lean, muscular physique through compound exercises and proper nutrition.

Cultivate a personal style. Develop a wardrobe that fits well and reflects your personality:

  • Invest in quality, versatile pieces
  • Choose clothes that flatter your body type
  • Pay attention to grooming and personal hygiene
  • Accessorize thoughtfully (e.g., watches, belts, shoes)

Project a polished image. Attend to details that contribute to an overall attractive appearance:

  • Maintain good posture
  • Get regular haircuts and style your hair intentionally
  • Take care of your skin and teeth
  • Consider addressing issues like body hair or skin blemishes

12. Build a Fulfilling Social Life and Network

"Work on increasing and develop your social circle, both men and women."

Cultivate diverse friendships. Actively seek out and nurture relationships with people who share your interests and values. This provides social proof and opportunities to meet potential partners through mutual connections.

Pursue passion projects and hobbies. Engage in activities you genuinely enjoy, which naturally puts you in contact with like-minded individuals. This adds depth to your character and provides interesting conversation topics.

Develop your social skills. Practice being a good conversationalist, active listener, and empathetic friend. These qualities make you more attractive as both a potential partner and a valuable addition to social groups.

Create and host social events. Take initiative in organizing gatherings, parties, or outings. This positions you as a leader and connector within your social circle, increasing your perceived value and expanding your network.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.76 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

How to Become an Alpha Male receives mixed reviews, with an average rating of 3.76 out of 5. Some readers find it helpful for personal growth and dating advice, praising its straightforward approach and practical tips. Others criticize it as outdated, potentially sexist, and overly simplistic. Critics warn that some advice should be taken with caution. The book is described as an easy read, focusing on building confidence, improving communication skills, and developing an "alpha male" personality. While some find value in its teachings, others dismiss it as problematic or ineffective.

Your rating:

About the Author

John Alexander is the author of How to Become an Alpha Male, a dating guide for men. The book is marketed as a "lazy man's way to easy success with 20 or more women a month" and claims to provide a "no-risk, never-fail blueprint" for attracting women. Alexander's approach is based on psychological tactics used in advertising. He emphasizes developing an "alpha male" personality and offers advice on body language, conversation skills, and mindset. The author claims to have had sexual relationships with over 100 women in 25 years. Little additional information is provided about Alexander's background or other works.

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