How to Be Perfect

1. Ethics is about caring and trying, not perfection

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Embrace failure. The journey to become a better person is filled with mistakes and missteps. What matters most is that we care about doing the right thing and keep trying to improve. Ethical perfection is impossible, but continuous effort and reflection are within everyone's reach.

Learn from mistakes. Each ethical failure is an opportunity to grow and refine our moral compass. By analyzing our errors and understanding why we fell short, we can develop better decision-making skills for future challenges. The key is to maintain a growth mindset, viewing setbacks as stepping stones rather than roadblocks.

Focus on progress, not perfection. Instead of beating ourselves up over every moral lapse, we should celebrate small victories and incremental improvements. Recognizing our progress, no matter how small, can motivate us to keep pushing forward on our ethical journey.

2. Virtue ethics: Develop good character traits

We become just by doing just actions, temperate by doing temperate actions, brave by doing brave actions.

Practice makes perfect. Aristotle's virtue ethics emphasizes the importance of cultivating positive character traits through repeated action. By consistently acting in ways that embody virtues like courage, honesty, and compassion, we gradually internalize these qualities and make them part of our core identity.

Find the golden mean. Aristotle proposed that virtues lie in the middle ground between two extremes. For example:

• Courage is the midpoint between cowardice and recklessness
• Generosity balances miserliness and wastefulness
• Honesty sits between deceitfulness and brutal candor

Developing virtues requires us to find the right balance, avoiding both deficiency and excess in our behaviors and attitudes.

Seek role models and mentors. Surrounding ourselves with people who exemplify the virtues we aspire to can provide inspiration and guidance. By observing and emulating their behavior, we can accelerate our own character development and gain insights into navigating ethical challenges.

3. Utilitarianism: Maximize happiness for the greatest number

The formula is simple: whatever money you're spending on luxuries, not necessities, should be given away.

Calculate net positive impact. Utilitarianism judges the morality of an action based on its consequences, specifically how much happiness or suffering it produces. When faced with ethical dilemmas, we should strive to choose the option that creates the greatest good for the greatest number of people.

Consider long-term effects. While immediate outcomes are important, utilitarian thinking also requires us to weigh the long-term ripple effects of our choices. An action that provides short-term pleasure but leads to greater suffering down the line would be considered unethical from this perspective.

Beware of the "happiness pump" trap. Taken to extremes, utilitarianism can lead to self-sacrifice to the point of becoming a "happiness pump" for others. It's important to balance our obligation to maximize overall well-being with maintaining our own integrity and ability to contribute positively to the world.

4. Deontology: Follow universal moral rules

Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.

Establish universal principles. Kant's deontological ethics emphasizes following moral rules that could apply to everyone, regardless of circumstances. Before taking an action, ask yourself: "What if everyone did this?" If the answer would lead to an undesirable or illogical world, the action is likely unethical.

Respect human dignity. A key aspect of Kantian ethics is treating people as ends in themselves, never merely as means to an end. This principle reminds us to respect the inherent worth and autonomy of every individual, rather than using them solely for our own purposes.

Act from duty, not inclination. Deontology holds that the moral worth of an action comes from the intention behind it, not its consequences. Doing the right thing because it's our duty, rather than because it makes us feel good or benefits us personally, is considered more ethically praiseworthy.

5. Contractualism: Agree on mutually acceptable principles

What we owe to each other.

Seek common ground. Contractualism proposes that ethical principles should be those that no one could reasonably reject. This approach encourages us to consider the perspectives of others and find moral guidelines that can be universally accepted, even by people with different backgrounds and beliefs.

Balance individual and collective interests. When determining what we owe to each other, contractualism requires us to weigh our personal desires against the needs of society as a whole. The goal is to establish rules that everyone can live with, even if they're not always ideal for any one individual.

Constantly renegotiate. As society evolves and new ethical challenges arise, the "contract" of acceptable moral principles must be continually reassessed and updated. This ongoing process of ethical deliberation and compromise is essential for maintaining a just and harmonious society.

6. Existentialism: Take responsibility for your choices

Man is condemned to be free.

Embrace radical freedom. Existentialist philosophy emphasizes that we are ultimately responsible for our own choices and actions. There is no predetermined essence or higher power dictating our path – we create ourselves through our decisions and must own the consequences.

Find meaning in an absurd world. Existentialists like Camus argue that life has no inherent meaning, but we can create our own purpose through our choices and commitments. This perspective can be both liberating and daunting, requiring us to actively engage in shaping our identities and values.

Act authentically. Existentialism encourages us to live in accordance with our true selves, rather than conforming to societal expectations or hiding behind inauthentic personas. This often involves facing difficult truths and making challenging choices, but it leads to a more genuine and fulfilling existence.

7. Context matters: Consider individual circumstances

There are very many people in the world today who live in terrible conditions of poverty and violence ... which make it unreasonable to expect them to reflect on and criticize the lessons they are taught by the role models they have.

Acknowledge privilege and disadvantage. When evaluating ethical behavior, it's crucial to consider the circumstances and constraints individuals face. Those born into poverty, oppression, or limited opportunity may face much greater challenges in making ethical choices than those with more advantages.

Adjust expectations accordingly. While we should strive for high ethical standards, it's important to recognize that not everyone has the same capacity or resources to engage in moral reasoning. We should be more understanding of ethical lapses from those facing severe hardship, while holding those with greater privilege to a higher standard.

Work to level the playing field. Recognizing the role of circumstance in ethics should motivate us to address systemic inequalities and create more opportunities for everyone to develop their moral capacities. This might involve supporting education, fighting poverty, or working to dismantle oppressive systems.

8. Apologize sincerely when you make mistakes

Apologizing matters.

Take responsibility. When we've acted unethically or caused harm, a sincere apology is crucial for healing and growth. This means fully acknowledging our wrongdoing, without making excuses or deflecting blame onto others.

Show genuine remorse. A meaningful apology involves demonstrating that we understand the impact of our actions and feel true regret for the harm caused. This often requires empathizing with those we've hurt and reflecting on how we can do better in the future.

Make amends. Words alone are often not enough – a complete apology should include concrete steps to right the wrong and prevent similar mistakes in the future. This might involve:

• Offering restitution or compensation
• Changing our behavior going forward
• Working to repair damaged relationships
• Using the experience to educate others and promote positive change

9. Be wary of moral exhaustion and complacency

Trying to do the right thing all the time is—and I'm going to use a fairly wonky, technical philosophy term here, so bear with me—a huge pain in the ass.

Recognize the challenge. Maintaining high ethical standards in every aspect of life can be mentally and emotionally draining. It's important to acknowledge this difficulty and not become discouraged when we fall short or feel overwhelmed.

Allow for occasional "moral jaywalking." While we should strive to be ethical in all our actions, it's unrealistic and potentially harmful to obsess over every minor decision. Occasionally bending small rules or taking ethical shortcuts in trivial matters can help preserve our energy for more significant moral choices.

Guard against sliding into apathy. The flip side of moral exhaustion is the temptation to give up entirely on trying to be ethical. We must be vigilant against this slippery slope, reminding ourselves of the importance of our choices and the positive impact we can have by continuing to care and try.

10. Constantly question and improve your ethical thinking

Know thyself. Nothing in excess.

Self-reflection is key. Developing strong ethical reasoning requires ongoing introspection and self-awareness. Regularly examine your motivations, biases, and the underlying principles guiding your choices.

Seek diverse perspectives. Exposing yourself to different ethical frameworks and viewpoints can broaden your understanding and refine your moral reasoning. Engage in discussions with people who hold different beliefs, read widely on ethics, and consider how various philosophical approaches might apply to real-world situations.

Apply ethics to everyday life. Don't reserve moral reasoning only for major decisions or crises. Practice applying ethical thinking to small, everyday choices to strengthen your decision-making muscles and create a more consistently virtuous character. Some ways to do this include:

• Questioning the ethical implications of your consumer choices
• Considering the impact of your words and actions on others
• Reflecting on how you can be a more positive force in your community
• Challenging yourself to act with integrity even when no one is watching

Last updated: January 22, 2025