Happiness Is a Choice You Make

1. Embracing the wisdom of the elderly can transform our perspective on aging

"If you want to be happy, learn to think like an old person."

Shift in perspective. The author's year-long journey with six elders over 85 revealed that older people often possess a unique wisdom and contentment that younger generations can learn from. This wisdom isn't about having all the answers, but rather about accepting life's challenges with grace and finding joy in simple pleasures.

Lessons from elders. The elders demonstrated:

• Resilience in the face of physical decline
• Ability to focus on what truly matters
• Appreciation for the present moment
• Acceptance of life's imperfections

By adopting these mindsets, younger people can potentially lead more fulfilling lives and approach their own aging process with less fear and more optimism.

2. Gratitude and positivity are powerful tools for navigating life's challenges

"Fred Jones was one of those people. Giving thanks made him happy, which made him grateful, which made him happy."

The power of gratitude. Fred Jones, despite facing numerous health issues and living in challenging conditions, maintained a remarkably positive outlook on life. His secret was a deep sense of gratitude for even the smallest pleasures, which created a self-reinforcing cycle of happiness.

Benefits of positive thinking:

• Improved mental health
• Greater resilience in the face of adversity
• Enhanced social connections
• Better physical health outcomes

Research has shown that cultivating gratitude can lead to significant improvements in well-being, regardless of one's circumstances. By focusing on what we have rather than what we lack, we can find contentment even in difficult situations.

3. Finding purpose and meaning is crucial for a fulfilling late life

"Part of it is getting people to sit down and say 'What do I want my life to look like at the end of the day?'"

The importance of purpose. Jonas Mekas, a 92-year-old filmmaker, exemplified the power of having a clear sense of purpose well into old age. His continued involvement in creative projects and dedication to building a film archive gave his life meaning and drive.

Benefits of having a purpose:

• Improved cognitive function
• Greater resilience against depression and anxiety
• Increased longevity
• Enhanced overall well-being

Research suggests that having a strong sense of purpose can even help protect against the effects of Alzheimer's disease. Encouraging older adults to pursue meaningful activities and goals can significantly improve their quality of life and health outcomes.

4. Accepting loss and change is essential for contentment in old age

"Wisdom isn't genius or omniscience—it isn't discovering relativity or solving the Middle East crisis—but a competency that comes from experience."

Embracing change. The elders demonstrated an ability to accept and adapt to the changes and losses that come with aging. This acceptance allowed them to focus on what they still had rather than dwelling on what they had lost.

Strategies for acceptance:

• Focusing on present capabilities rather than past abilities
• Finding new ways to engage in beloved activities
• Cultivating new interests and relationships
• Reframing losses as opportunities for growth

By accepting the inevitability of change and loss, older adults can maintain a sense of contentment and continue to find joy in life, even as their circumstances evolve.

5. Love and relationships remain vital, even as their nature evolves

"Helen and Howie had somehow taken a step that the others didn't or wouldn't take. It might seem like a simple matter, but it was big and risky: taking on the needs of another person, knowing that those needs would only grow, while their abilities to serve them would only diminish."

Evolving relationships. Helen and Howie's story illustrates that love and companionship remain important in old age, even as the nature of relationships changes. Their willingness to support each other despite physical limitations demonstrated the enduring power of human connection.

Benefits of late-life relationships:

• Emotional support and companionship
• Sense of purpose and belonging
• Improved mental and physical health
• Opportunities for personal growth

While the dynamics of relationships may shift with age, the fundamental human need for connection remains. Encouraging and supporting relationships among older adults can significantly enhance their quality of life.

6. Maintaining independence while accepting help creates a balanced approach to aging

"A lesson of Ruth was that there was a different way. Of the six elders, she was the most assertively independent, but also the one who got the most emotional support from her family."

Balancing act. Ruth Willig's story demonstrates the importance of striking a balance between maintaining independence and accepting necessary support. Her ability to assert her autonomy while also relying on her family for emotional support created a fulfilling late-life experience.

Strategies for maintaining independence:

• Setting personal boundaries
• Communicating needs and preferences clearly
• Engaging in self-care activities
• Accepting help when truly needed

By finding this balance, older adults can maintain a sense of control over their lives while also benefiting from the support of loved ones and caregivers.

7. Cultivating a positive attitude towards aging can lead to better health outcomes

"People who had positive views of old age had lower blood pressure, less stress, better physical balance, and were more likely to develop healthy habits and get regular medical care. They also lived an average of seven and a half years longer—a genuine fountain of youth, available without a prescription."

The power of perception. Research by Becca R. Levy at Yale has shown that people's attitudes towards aging can significantly impact their health outcomes. Those with more positive views of aging tend to experience better physical and mental health as they grow older.

Benefits of positive age stereotypes:

• Lower blood pressure
• Reduced stress levels
• Improved physical balance
• Increased likelihood of adopting healthy habits
• Longer life expectancy

By promoting more positive societal attitudes towards aging and encouraging individuals to view their own aging process more optimistically, we can potentially improve health outcomes for older adults on a large scale.

8. The elderly often experience greater emotional well-being and contentment

"Older people consistently reported just as many positive emotions as the younger participants, but had fewer negative ones."

Emotional regulation. Contrary to popular belief, many older adults report higher levels of emotional well-being and contentment than younger people. This phenomenon, known as the "positivity effect," is characterized by a tendency to focus more on positive experiences and memories.

Factors contributing to increased well-being:

• Greater emotional regulation skills
• Reduced reactivity to negative events
• Increased focus on meaningful relationships
• Ability to savor positive experiences

Understanding this aspect of aging can help younger generations approach their own aging process with more optimism and provide insights into cultivating greater emotional well-being at any age.

9. Embracing the present moment becomes increasingly important with age

"To think like an old person is to journey unencumbered."

Living in the now. Many of the elders demonstrated an ability to fully engage with and appreciate the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This mindset allowed them to find joy and meaning in their daily experiences, despite physical limitations or challenging circumstances.

Benefits of present-focused living:

• Reduced anxiety about the future
• Greater appreciation for simple pleasures
• Enhanced ability to cope with challenges
• Increased overall life satisfaction

By adopting this perspective, individuals of all ages can potentially lead more fulfilling lives and approach aging with greater equanimity.

10. Intergenerational connections provide mutual benefits and enrichment

"For centuries societies had relied on elders for these lessons and more. It was only in recent times that this wisdom went unheard."

Bridging generations. The author's experiences with the elders highlight the value of intergenerational connections. These relationships can provide mutual benefits, with younger people gaining wisdom and perspective from their elders, and older adults receiving support, companionship, and a sense of purpose.

Benefits of intergenerational connections:

• Transfer of knowledge and life experience
• Enhanced empathy and understanding between generations
• Reduced ageism and age-related stereotypes
• Improved social support for older adults
• Opportunities for personal growth for all involved

Encouraging and facilitating intergenerational relationships can lead to a more cohesive and compassionate society, while also improving the well-being of both older and younger individuals.

Last updated: January 24, 2025