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God, Marriage, and Family

God, Marriage, and Family

Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation
by Andreas J. Köstenberger 2004 448 pages
4.23
1k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Marriage and family are foundational to God's design for humanity

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

Divine institution. Marriage was established by God at creation as the foundational human relationship. It is not merely a social construct or human invention, but a sacred bond instituted by the Creator. The family unit, built on the marriage of one man and one woman, was designed to reflect God's image and fulfill His purposes on earth.

Ongoing relevance. Despite cultural shifts and attempts to redefine marriage, the biblical model remains God's ideal. The New Testament reaffirms and elaborates on this original design, with both Jesus and Paul grounding their teaching on marriage in the Genesis account. While sin has distorted God's plan, the church is called to uphold and model God's design for marriage and family.

2. The biblical model of marriage is a covenant, not a contract or sacrament

Marriage is "an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by a public leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership, and normally crowned by the gift of children."

Covenant vs. contract. Unlike a mere legal contract, marriage is a covenant relationship before God. It involves a solemn commitment that goes beyond mutual agreement to a sacred bond. This covenant view emphasizes the permanence, sacredness, intimacy, mutuality, and exclusivity of marriage.

Not a sacrament. While marriage is sacred, it is not a sacrament in the sense of conveying saving grace. The Roman Catholic view of marriage as a sacrament goes beyond Scripture. Marriage is a good gift from God, but it is not a means of salvation or spiritual merit.

Characteristics of the marriage covenant:

  • Permanence: intended for life
  • Sacredness: a holy union before God
  • Intimacy: the deepest human relationship
  • Mutuality: partners give themselves to each other
  • Exclusivity: faithful to one spouse alone

3. Husbands and wives have distinct, complementary roles in marriage

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." (Ephesians 5:22-23)

Complementarity, not sameness. God designed men and women with equal worth but different roles in marriage. Husbands are called to loving, sacrificial leadership, while wives are called to respectful submission. This pattern reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.

Mutual submission and love. Both spouses submit to Christ and serve one another. The husband's headship is not domineering but self-sacrificial, like Christ's love for the church. The wife's submission is not demeaning but a willing partnership in the marriage's mission. When both fulfill their God-given roles, the marriage thrives and glorifies God.

Husband's role:

  • Loving leadership
  • Provision and protection
  • Spiritual direction

Wife's role:

  • Respectful submission
  • Supportive partnership
  • Nurturing the family

4. Parenting is a sacred responsibility to raise godly offspring

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Divine stewardship. Children are a gift from God, entrusted to parents for nurture and training. The primary goal of parenting is to raise children who know, love, and serve God. This involves both instruction in God's ways and modeling a life of faith.

Balanced approach. Effective parenting requires both love and discipline. Parents should create an environment of grace while also setting clear boundaries and expectations. Physical discipline, when applied appropriately, can be a loving tool for correction. However, parents must be careful not to exasperate their children or provoke them to anger.

Key aspects of biblical parenting:

  • Teaching God's Word
  • Modeling godly character
  • Consistent, loving discipline
  • Encouraging faith and obedience
  • Preparing children for adulthood and service to God

5. Divorce, while sometimes permissible, falls short of God's ideal

"What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mark 10:9)

God's design for permanence. Marriage is intended to be a lifelong union. Divorce, while sometimes permitted due to human sin and hardness of heart, always falls short of God's ideal. Jesus emphasized the permanence of marriage, tracing it back to God's original design in creation.

Limited exceptions. While views differ among Christians, many understand Scripture to allow divorce in cases of adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Even in these cases, reconciliation should be pursued if possible. Remarriage after divorce is a complex issue requiring careful biblical and pastoral consideration.

Perspectives on divorce and remarriage:

  1. No divorce or remarriage allowed
  2. Divorce allowed for adultery, but no remarriage
  3. Divorce and remarriage allowed for adultery or abandonment

6. Singleness can be a gift for undivided devotion to God

"I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." (1 Corinthians 7:7)

Affirming singleness. While marriage is the norm, both Jesus and Paul affirm singleness as a legitimate and even advantageous state for some believers. Singleness can allow for greater focus on serving God without the responsibilities of marriage and family.

Not second-class. The church should affirm and include single members, recognizing their full worth and potential for ministry. Singles should be integrated into the life of the church and not marginalized or pressured to marry. At the same time, the church should support those desiring marriage in finding godly spouses.

Benefits of singleness:

  • Undivided attention to serving God
  • Greater flexibility for ministry
  • Potential for unique contributions to the church

7. Homosexuality is incompatible with God's design for human sexuality

"God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another." (Romans 1:26-27)

Clear biblical teaching. Both Old and New Testaments consistently condemn homosexual behavior as sin. This is grounded in God's created order of male-female complementarity. While same-sex attraction may not be chosen, acting on those desires is prohibited.

Compassionate response. The church must uphold biblical teaching while showing Christ-like love to those struggling with same-sex attraction. Change is possible through Christ, but even those who continue to experience same-sex attraction can live godly lives through celibacy and the support of the Christian community.

Biblical perspective on homosexuality:

  • Consistently condemned in Scripture
  • Contrary to God's design for sexuality
  • A result of humanity's fallen condition
  • Forgivable and changeable through Christ's power

8. Church leadership requires exemplary family management

"He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Family as proving ground. A man's ability to lead his family well is a key qualification for church leadership. This includes having a faithful marriage and well-behaved children (if he has them). How a man manages his household reflects his character and leadership capacity.

Ongoing requirement. Church leaders must continue to prioritize their families even as they serve the church. Neglecting one's family for the sake of ministry is not acceptable. Leaders should model healthy family relationships for the congregation.

Leadership qualifications related to family:

  • Faithful to one's spouse
  • Children who are believers (or well-behaved)
  • Good household management
  • Respectable family life

9. The church should strengthen families while maintaining its distinct role

"The church is said in the New Testament to have a variety of roles. First, it is called 'a pillar and buttress of the truth' (1 Tim. 3:15). In a godless culture, it stands as a witness to God's revelation of truth and to God's redemption in Christ."

Supporting families. The church has a vital role in strengthening marriages and families. This includes teaching biblical principles, providing counseling and support, and creating an environment where families can thrive. However, the church is not merely a collection of families but a spiritual family united in Christ.

Distinct missions. While there is overlap, the church and the family have distinct roles in God's plan. The family's primary role is nurturing its members physically and spiritually. The church's mission includes worship, evangelism, discipleship, and administering the ordinances. Both institutions are important, but they should not be conflated.

Church's role in supporting families:

  • Teaching biblical principles for marriage and parenting
  • Providing counseling and support
  • Creating intergenerational community
  • Equipping parents for spiritual leadership in the home

Distinct roles of church and family:

  • Church: corporate worship, evangelism, discipleship, ordinances
  • Family: nurture, provision, protection, primary spiritual formation of children

Last updated:

FAQ

What's God, Marriage, and Family about?

  • Biblical Foundation Focus: The book emphasizes rebuilding the biblical foundation of marriage and family as ordained by God, addressing contemporary issues like divorce, singleness, and parenting.
  • Cultural Crisis Context: It discusses the current cultural crisis regarding marriage and family, advocating for a return to scriptural teachings as a solution.
  • Comprehensive Resource: Serving as a resource for evangelicals, it integrates theological insights with practical applications for gender, sex, marriage, and family.

Why should I read God, Marriage, and Family?

  • Expert Insights: Authored by Andreas J. Köstenberger and David W. Jones, the book is backed by extensive research and theological expertise.
  • Practical Guidance: Offers practical advice for couples, parents, and church leaders on aligning family lives with biblical principles.
  • Cultural Relevance: Provides a solid foundation for understanding and defending traditional views on marriage and family amidst shifting cultural norms.

What are the key takeaways of God, Marriage, and Family?

  • Marriage as a Covenant: Marriage is defined as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, emphasizing its permanence and exclusivity.
  • Role of Parents: Highlights the critical role of parents in teaching children about God and instilling biblical values.
  • Addressing Contemporary Issues: Tackles issues like divorce, homosexuality, and parenting with scriptural insights and practical advice.

What are the best quotes from God, Marriage, and Family and what do they mean?

  • “Marriage and family are good gifts from a great God.”: Emphasizes the divine origin of marriage and family as blessings.
  • “The current cultural crisis is symptomatic of a deep-seated spiritual crisis.”: Connects societal issues with spiritual neglect, advocating a return to biblical values.
  • “Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.”: Highlights the sacred commitment of marriage beyond a legal agreement.

How does God, Marriage, and Family address the issue of divorce?

  • Divorce as a Serious Issue: Treated as a significant deviation from God’s design, with negative consequences.
  • Biblical Grounds for Divorce: Discusses permissible grounds like infidelity, advocating for reconciliation and forgiveness.
  • Cultural Implications: Links rising divorce rates to cultural crises, calling for a return to biblical teachings on marriage permanence.

What is the authors' view on singleness in God, Marriage, and Family?

  • Singleness as a Gift: Presented as a valid and valuable state, allowing for undistracted service to God.
  • Encouragement for Singles: Encourages fulfillment in a relationship with God and active church engagement.
  • Integration into Church Life: Advocates for full inclusion of singles in church life, valuing them as complete members.

How does God, Marriage, and Family address parenting?

  • Parental Responsibility: Emphasizes parents' God-given role to raise children in the faith.
  • Discipline and Instruction: Advocates for a balanced approach to discipline, combining love and correction.
  • Role of Mothers and Fathers: Outlines distinct roles, emphasizing the importance of both parents in nurturing spiritual growth.

What does God, Marriage, and Family say about the roles of husbands and wives?

  • Complementary Roles: Advocates for distinct but complementary responsibilities within marriage.
  • Leadership and Submission: Discusses the husband's role as a leader and the wife's supportive role, rooted in biblical texts.
  • Mutual Respect: Stresses partnership and collaboration, emphasizing respect and dignity for both partners.

How does God, Marriage, and Family address cultural issues?

  • Engagement with Culture: Encourages developing a philosophy of engagement, balancing separation from evil with redemptive interaction.
  • Teaching Biblical Values: Stresses the need for parents to teach biblical values amidst cultural pressures.
  • Countercultural Witness: Calls for Christians to model healthy relationships and demonstrate God’s love as a countercultural witness.

What practical advice does God, Marriage, and Family offer for couples preparing for marriage?

  • Premarital Counseling: Advocates for premarital counseling to address potential issues and align expectations.
  • Understanding Roles: Emphasizes understanding and embracing distinct roles of husbands and wives as outlined in Scripture.
  • Commitment to Faith: Encourages prioritizing a relationship with God and building marriage on a foundation of faith.

How does God, Marriage, and Family define the concept of family?

  • Biblical Definition: Defines family as a union between one man and one woman, typically including their children.
  • Covenantal Relationships: Describes family as a covenant community characterized by commitment and mutual support.
  • Multigenerational Aspect: Encourages considering the roles of extended family in nurturing faith.

What challenges to marriage and family does God, Marriage, and Family address?

  • Cultural Pressures: Discusses challenges from secularism and individualism that undermine biblical family understanding.
  • Divorce and Remarriage: Addresses divorce, emphasizing biblical understanding of its legitimacy and consequences.
  • Parenting in a Secular World: Highlights challenges of raising children in a society that contradicts biblical values, encouraging proactive teaching.

Review Summary

4.23 out of 5
Average of 1k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation receives mostly positive reviews for its comprehensive biblical analysis of marriage, family, and related topics. Readers appreciate its thorough examination of scriptural teachings and practical applications. Many find it an essential resource for couples, pastors, and leaders. Some criticize its conservative stance on controversial issues like homosexuality and gender roles. Overall, reviewers commend the book for its solid biblical foundation and in-depth coverage of family-related subjects, though a few find it too academic or disagree with certain viewpoints.

Your rating:

About the Author

Andreas J. Köstenberger is a distinguished scholar of the Bible and Christian theology, specializing in family-related topics. He teaches at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is known for his careful analysis and biblical approach to contemporary issues. Köstenberger's work is characterized by thorough research, clear explanations, and a commitment to traditional interpretations of Scripture. His writing style is accessible to both scholars and laypeople, making complex theological concepts understandable. Köstenberger's expertise in biblical theology and its application to family matters has made him a respected voice in evangelical circles, particularly on topics such as marriage, gender roles, and sexuality.

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