Dare I Say It

1. Menopause: A Candid Conversation Starter

The menopause conversation requires us to get honest, loud, and, dare I say it, even a little unladylike. Faaaaark!

Breaking the taboo. Menopause, a natural transition affecting half the world's population, has long been shrouded in silence and misinformation. Watts advocates for open, honest, and even "unladylike" conversations to dismantle the stigma and empower women with knowledge. This involves sharing personal experiences, challenging societal norms, and demanding better information and support.

Personal experience. Watts shares her own story of being blindsided by early perimenopause at 36, highlighting the lack of awareness and preparation among women. This personal narrative serves as a catalyst for change, encouraging others to speak out and seek information.

Community and education. By founding Stripes Beauty and writing this book, Watts aims to create a community where women can access education, solutions, and support during menopause. This initiative emphasizes the importance of shared experiences and collective empowerment.

2. Navigating the Discomfort Zone: Symptoms Beyond Hot Flashes

Hot flashes are really just the tip of the iceberg.

Beyond the basics. While hot flashes are the most well-known symptom, menopause encompasses a wide range of physical and emotional changes. These include night sweats, migraines, urinary tract infections, GI issues, mood swings, sleep disturbances, and changes in libido.

Normalizing suffering. Watts challenges the normalization of suffering as part of womanhood, highlighting the lack of research and understanding surrounding women's health issues. She emphasizes the need for women to be heard, seen, and believed by the medical system.

Seeking comprehensive care. Watts's personal struggles with misdiagnosis and inadequate treatment underscore the importance of finding menopause-savvy doctors who can provide comprehensive care. This includes addressing the root causes of symptoms and offering a range of solutions, from hormone therapy to lifestyle changes.

3. Infertility and Menopause: A Shared Journey of Grief and Acceptance

I entered menopause and motherhood at more or less the same time, becoming in one fell swoop both mother and crone.

Intersecting experiences. Watts intertwines her story of early menopause with her struggles with infertility, highlighting the emotional toll of both experiences. This intersectionality sheds light on the unique challenges faced by women who experience these transitions simultaneously.

Challenging societal expectations. Watts confronts the societal pressure on women to bear children, revealing her own feelings of shame and inadequacy when faced with infertility. She emphasizes that women's worth is not solely defined by their reproductive capabilities.

Finding alternative paths. Watts's journey to motherhood involved fertility treatments, Chinese medicine, and ultimately, natural conception. This highlights the diverse paths women take to motherhood and the importance of exploring all options.

4. Reclaiming Sexuality: Desire, Pleasure, and Intimacy in Midlife

All good relationships at work and at home—and at the doctor’s office—require communication.

Addressing changing libido. Watts candidly discusses the impact of menopause on libido, acknowledging that many women experience a decline in sexual desire. She emphasizes that this is a normal part of the transition and that there are things women can do about it.

Breaking down barriers. Watts challenges the notion that women in midlife are "unfuckable," highlighting the societal pressure to maintain youthfulness and fertility. She advocates for embracing sexuality at any age and finding what feels good.

Open communication and exploration. Watts encourages open communication with partners about sexual needs and desires, as well as exploration of various tools and therapies to enhance pleasure. This includes lubricants, vibrators, hormone therapy, and sex therapy.

5. Shame No More: Embracing Authenticity and Self-Worth

We’ve earned our stripes! We deserve to feel our best. No more shrinking. Time to feel good about our cumulative experiences, and unapologetically so.

Challenging internalized sexism. Watts reflects on the ways in which she had silenced herself due to sexism and ageism, realizing the need to take up space and assert her needs. She encourages women to reject the desire to people-please and prioritize their own well-being.

Redefining beauty and worth. Watts challenges the narrow definition of beauty and worth imposed on women, emphasizing the value of experience, wisdom, and authenticity. She encourages women to embrace their "stripes" and feel good about their cumulative experiences.

Finding strength in community. Watts emphasizes the importance of connecting with other women and sharing experiences to combat feelings of shame and isolation. This includes speaking openly about menopause, seeking support, and celebrating the power of female friendships.

6. Mood Swings and Mental Health: Finding Balance and Support

How radical it has been to realize the ways in which I’d silenced myself because of sexism.

Hormonal impact on mood. Watts acknowledges the emotional rollercoaster of menopause, including anxiety, rage, panic, depression, and grief. She emphasizes the direct impact of hormonal shifts on mental health and the need for support.

Beyond antidepressants. Watts questions the overreliance on antidepressants as a solution for menopausal mood swings, highlighting the importance of addressing the underlying hormonal imbalances. She advocates for a holistic approach that includes hormone therapy, lifestyle modifications, and psycho-spiritual support.

Embracing emotions and self-care. Watts encourages women to embrace their emotions, including grief, and to prioritize self-care practices such as meditation, yoga, exercise, and journaling. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and saying no to things that drain energy.

7. Hormone Therapy: Weighing the Benefits and Risks

There’s no question that women in their forties and fifties have been gaslit by the medical system, with real consequences to their well-being.

Addressing misinformation. Watts confronts the widespread misinformation surrounding hormone therapy (HRT), stemming from the 2002 Women's Health Initiative study. She clarifies that HRT is generally safe and effective for managing menopause symptoms when started in early menopause.

Understanding the benefits. Watts highlights the numerous benefits of HRT, including relief from hot flashes, improved sleep, enhanced sexual function, and potential protection against heart disease, cognitive decline, and osteoporosis. She emphasizes the importance of considering HRT as a viable option for symptom relief.

Individualized decision-making. Watts stresses that the decision to take HRT is a personal one that should be made in consultation with a knowledgeable doctor. This includes weighing the benefits and risks based on individual medical history and preferences.

8. Memory and Brain Health: Protecting Cognitive Function

I’ve also come to believe that there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants.

Addressing brain fog. Watts acknowledges the common experience of brain fog during menopause, including memory loss, difficulty concentrating, and cognitive decline. She emphasizes the need to distinguish between normal age-related changes and potential signs of dementia.

Hormonal impact on the brain. Watts highlights the research of Dr. Lisa Mosconi, which demonstrates the impact of hormonal changes on brain activity and the potential benefits of HRT for cognitive function. She emphasizes the importance of managing risk factors for Alzheimer's disease, such as metabolic disorders and cardiovascular disease.

Lifestyle strategies for brain health. Watts recommends a range of lifestyle strategies to protect brain health, including a plant-rich diet, regular exercise, good sleep hygiene, and oral hygiene. She emphasizes the importance of staying mentally active and engaged in meaningful activities.

9. Beauty and Body Image: Redefining Standards and Self-Acceptance

I’ve realized that we don’t need to people-please. We don’t have to make things easy for everyone else at every turn. We can take up space. We can say what we need. We can assert ourselves!

Challenging societal pressures. Watts challenges the societal pressure on women to maintain youthfulness and conform to unrealistic beauty standards. She encourages women to embrace their aging bodies and redefine beauty on their own terms.

Prioritizing self-care and well-being. Watts emphasizes the importance of self-care practices that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as gentle skincare, healthy eating, and regular exercise. She encourages women to focus on feeling good rather than looking a certain way.

Finding joy in self-expression. Watts encourages women to experiment with fashion, makeup, and hairstyles that express their individuality and bring them joy. She emphasizes the importance of finding a style that feels comfortable and authentic, regardless of societal expectations.

10. Work and Purpose: Reimagining Career and Contributions

All good relationships at work and at home—and at the doctor’s office—require communication.

Navigating ageism in the workplace. Watts acknowledges the challenges of ageism in the workplace, particularly for women in Hollywood. She encourages women to embrace their experience and wisdom and to advocate for themselves.

Reinventing career and purpose. Watts emphasizes that menopause can be a time for reinvention and exploration of new passions and interests. She encourages women to identify their strengths and values and to find work that aligns with their purpose.

Supporting other women. Watts highlights the importance of supporting other women in the workplace and creating a more inclusive and equitable environment. This includes mentoring younger women, sharing experiences, and advocating for policies that support women's health and well-being.

11. Relationships: Evolving Family Dynamics and Friendships

I’ve also come to believe that there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants.

Evolving family dynamics. Watts acknowledges the challenges of parenting teenagers and navigating the empty nest. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, communicating openly, and finding new ways to connect with family members.

Prioritizing friendships. Watts highlights the importance of nurturing female friendships, particularly during menopause. She emphasizes the value of shared experiences, emotional support, and laughter.

Finding love and intimacy. Watts encourages women to explore their romantic relationships and to communicate their needs and desires. She emphasizes the importance of finding partners who are supportive, understanding, and willing to grow together.

12. Self-Advocacy: Taking Charge of Your Health and Well-being

We can discuss without shame the details of menopause—how to navigate it, what the symptoms could be, and not just “Oh, you might feel warm at some point.” But all the gory details.

Becoming informed and empowered. Watts emphasizes the importance of becoming informed about menopause and taking charge of your health. This includes researching symptoms, seeking expert advice, and advocating for your needs.

Finding the right doctor. Watts stresses the importance of finding a doctor who listens, validates your concerns, and offers a range of treatment options. She encourages women to seek a second opinion if they are not satisfied with their care.

Trusting your instincts. Watts encourages women to trust their instincts and to advocate for themselves, even when faced with skepticism or dismissal. She emphasizes that you know your body best and that you deserve to feel well.

Last updated: March 1, 2025